-It’s the weekend,
and there’s a lot going on, including Easter and Passover. That’s right — Jewish people
started celebrating Passover today, on the 19th,
while stoners everywhere celebrated Passover
tomorrow on 4/20. “Hey, pass that over here, man.” This is very interesting. I read that, on 4/20, there are
actually fewer car accidents than there are
on other holidays. Mostly ’cause it’s hard
to get into a car accident when you’re driving
three miles per hour. [ Laughter and applause ] Let’s get to some news. The 2020 campaign is underway, and next week,
I saw that CNN is hosting five Democratic town halls. -Oh.
-Five. It’s a great way
for America to get to know 1% of the Democrats running
for president, yeah. We’ll get to the other
90% later. I’m very excited about this. There’s another new episode of
“Game of Thrones” this weekend. And I read that —
[ Cheers and applause ] I love it. I read that the show
set a record by using 4,000 gallons
of fake blood. [ Audience “Oh”s ] Even crazier,
the previous record holder? “Golden Girls.”
-Really? [ Laughter ] -Speaking of TV,
the other day, in Russia — [ Laughter ] That got you.
That got you. That got you.
That got you. Speaking of TV,
the other day, in Russia, a news station decided to have
a robot be their anchor. Did you see this?
-Oh. -Yeah, it was pretty
interesting. Watch this. -[ Speaking Russian ] [ Laughter ] -Russians didn’t like it. They were like, “Uh,
he express too much emotion.” [ Laughter and applause ]
“Just give us news! We don’t care what you feel.” Listen to this — I heard that
federal officials are starting to crack down
on fake Amazon reviews. Yeah, apparently,
a lot of reviews on Amazon are fake or paid for. Usually, can you tell.
I mean, check it out. For instance, here’s the new
EL James erotic novel, “The Mister.” The fake review says,
“An enjoyable story from the author
of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.'” The real review says,
“I’m not gonna be able to make eye contact
with Grandma on Easter.” [ Applause ] Still gave it four stars.
-Four stars? -Look at this one
for the Kindle Fire. The fake review says,
“Ever since I bought this, I’ve been getting
so much reading done.” Real review says,
“The only thing I use this for is to watch Netflix
in the bathroom.” [ Applause ]
Again, four stars. -Four stars.
Wow! -And finally, we have
the selfie ring light with cellphone holder. The fake review says, “Now all
my selfies are perfectly lit.” The real review says,
“Turns out the lighting wasn’t the problem
with my selfie.” [ Applause ] And finally, you guys,
it’s time for “A Show of Hands.” This is where we show you
what politicians are doing with their hands
while they’re giving speeches. Enjoy. ♪♪ -Sarah, “The Guardian”
is reporting today that Paul Manafort met
with Julian Assange around the time
that he was coming on board to the Trump campaign. Wondering if you know
if that meeting took place and if you remain
confident in — -[ Speaking Russian ] [ Continues speaking Russian ] -If you are a lower-income
senior citizen, you will not be able to get
the one nutritious meal a day or the help
you desperately need. -I want to bring greetings
from the 45th President of the United States of America,
President Donald Trump. [ Applause ] [ Phone vibrating ] Well, nobody said space is easy. [ Laughter ] -To improve our business
relationships, we have… [ Laughter ] …a truly incredible… challenge. [ Laughter and applause ] -I don’t understand it.