Bodega Bathroom – SNL


>>AND DO YOU HAVE A BOTTLE OF
WATER?>>SURE.
HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? SO HOT, OR SOLID BLOCK OF ICE?
>>ACTUALLY I’M GOOD.>>WISE CHOICE.>>HEY MAN, DO YOU HAVE A
BATHROOM?>>A WHAT?
>>LIKE A BATHROOM. LIKE A BATHROOM I CAN USE.
>>DUDE, DID YOU JUST ASK TO USE A BATHROOM IN A BODEGA?
>>WHAT? WHO CARES, IT’S AN EMERGENCY.
>>OH MY GOD. THAT IS EVEN WORSE.
YOU CAN’T DO THAT IN A BODEGA BATHROOM MAN.
>>WOULD YOU LIKE THE BATHROOM KEY OR NOT?
>>CHARLIE, IF YOU DO THIS I DON’T THINK WE CAN BE FRIENDS
ANYMORE MAN.>>RELAX DUDE, IT’S JUST A
BATHROOM. I’M SURE IT’S FINE.
>>AND SO IT SHALL BE. OH BODEGA CAT, SHOW THIS MAN TO
THE BATHROOM.>>MAKE A WISH.
HOLD YOUR BREATH. ♪ COME WITH ME AND
YOU’LL BE IN A WORLD OF ZERO SANITATION ♪
♪ CLOSE YOUR EYES AND AVOID INHALATION ♪
♪ IF YOU WANT A NEW PARASITE
THEN WE LOOK AROUND AND VIEW THEM ♪
♪ ALL THE STICKY STUFF IS FLUIDS
WANT TO KNOW FOR SURE PUT A BLACK LIGHT TO IT ♪
>>OH MY GOD.>>THAT’S RIGHT.
YOU’RE THE FIRST PERSON TO USE THIS BATHROOM THAT’S NOT A DOG
GIVING BIRTH.>>MAN, WHAT KIND OF CREEP WOULD
LET A BATHROOM GET LIKE THIS?>>I DID.
♪ WHO CAN SELL YOU CONDOMS AND ARIZONA ICE TEA
LOOSIE CIGARETTES AND PLANTAIN CHIPS ♪
♪ THE BODEGA MAN CAN OH THE BODEGA MAN CAN ♪
♪ THE BODEGA MAN CAN CAUSE HE MIXES LOTS OF PILLS
AND CALLS THEM TIGER SEX PILLS ♪ ♪ WHO CAN MAKE A RAINBOW
WITH CANS OF BOILED MEAT THE OREOS ARE RUSSIAN AND
THE ATM’S IS CHINESE ♪ ♪ THE BODEGA MAN CAN
OH THE BODEGA MAN CAN ♪>>ENOUGH!
THE CHILD IS MINE! HE TOOK THE KEY, AND NOW HE MUST
PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE.>>I’M SORRY MY SON.
I CANNOT PROTECT YOU ANY LONGER.>>COME ON.
FEED ME, SEYMOUR. FEED ME!
>>STOP!>>BODEGA VIRGIN MARY CANDLES?
>>THAT’S RIGHT. IF NO ONE ELSE WILL PROTECT THE
BOY, I WILL. AND I HOPE THAT SOME DAY WE CAN
ERASE — ♪ THE MEMORIES OF THIS
HORRIBLE DAY WHEN HE NEEDED A TOILET IN A
MOMENT OF SHAME ♪ ♪ IF YOU TOUCH ME YOU’LL
UNDERSTAND WHAT UNHAPPINESS IS ♪
♪ YOUR WORST DAY HAS BEGUN ♪
♪♪♪>>WOW.
THAT WAS BOTH BEAUTIFUL AND DISGUSTING.
I THINK I’VE LEARNED MY LESSON.>>NOT YET YOU HAVEN’T.
♪ OOMPA LOOMPA DOOPITY DOO
WE’VE GOT A TROUBLING BATHROOM FOR YOU ♪
♪ OOMPA LOOMPA DOOPITY DEE
WE GOT AN F FROM THE C-D-C ♪
♪ WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU SIT
ON THAT SEAT ♪ ♪ SWINE HPV
AND A WAVE OF HEAT. ♪ WHERE ARE YOU
GETTING DESPERATE LIKE THAT ♪
♪ THE THING IS A SWIMMING POOL
FOR RATS ♪ ♪ I DON’T LIKE THE
LOOK OF ♪>>WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WAIT, WAIT. YOU GOT OOMPA LOOMPAS IN YOUR
BODEGA.>>NO, THOSE ARE JUST SOUR PATCH
KIDS THAT HAVE BEEN IN THE STORE SO LONG, THEY CAME TO LIFE.
>>LISTEN, HERE’S YOUR KEY BACK MISTER.
I DECIDED NOT TO USE YOUR BATHROOM AFTER ALL.
>>NO CHARLIE, DON’T YOU SEE? IT’S YOURS NOW, THE BATHROOM,
THE BODEGA. I’M LEAVING IT ALL TO YOU.
YOU PASSED THE TEST.>>WHAT WILL I DO WITH IT?
IT’S A BODEGA CHARLIE. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.
BECAUSE THERE’S — ♪♪♪
♪ 525 THOUSAND 6 HUNDRED ITEMS 525 THOUSAND
BUGS BELOW THE SINK ♪ ♪ 525 THOUSAND
FLAVORS OF RAMEN HOW CAN WE SELL YOU
ONE LOOSE BEER ♪ ♪ THERE’S SAMPLES
AND HOT SAUCE AND THE WORST EVER CUP
OF COFFEE ♪ ♪ AND TAMPONS
SO HIGH UP ♪ ♪ THERE’S A GUY WHO
DOESN’T WORK HERE JUST SITTING AND
WATCHING SOCCER ♪ ♪ AND CHARGERS
BUT THEY’RE ONLY FOR AN IPHONE THREE ♪
♪ AND WHAT ABOUT LOVE THAT SO CALLED
LOVE JUST UNWRAP ONE BODEGA LOVE ♪
♪ WHAT ABOUT LOVE THEY PROBABLY
DON’T BRUSH ♪>>ALL RIGHT, I’VE DECIDED TO
DROPOUT OF NYU AND RUN THIS BODEGA FULL TIME!
>>YEAH! ♪ BODEGA LOVE
BODEGA OF LOVE ♪ ♪♪♪

100 Comments

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *