Boxers vs. Briefs – Agree to Disagree

This underwear gives him
the feeling of a man with a big penis,
just for a second. I mean, I disagree
with you both. Don’t you wanna give him that? I don’t …
I have a normal sized penis. Boxers or briefs? Briefs.
Boxers. Boxers. Briefs. Boxers are not sexy. You can only wear boxers
under cargo shorts comfortably. Boxers are disgusting. What are you talking about?
It’s true. But trying to put boxers
under tight pants is like trying to put up
sleeping bag back in a bag. These pants are relatively slim and I’m wearing boxers
right now. Okay, let me see. Look at it. See you got
some popping up here. Oh my God. That’s a cool look
to have them pop up. Oh really?
It’s showing … It’s like when ladies
do the thong. You know what that is? This is my thong. I think this is not a sign
of sexiness. This is one of
the classic problems of boxers, which is that it scooches. It scooches? It scooches and it scooches
and it scooches. And then you’ve got it wedged
in between your balls and your butt crack. And if I wanted boxers wedges
between my balls and my butt crack,
I would go back to junior high. The thing about boxers
is that they’re … Aesthetically you can
wear them by yourselves and they look like shorts. Exactly. No one can, no one will notice. Yeah, they will. Unless … Okay. Pretend I wasn’t wearing
these pants at first. Look shorts. I can … You look like you came … Well, okay,
I have to disagree now. This is a tennis short now.
Look, I’m cool. I look like I just came from
playing the French Open. No, you look like you should
have sexual harassment charges against you.
Put your pants back on, asshole. It does look like you just ran
out of some sort of ward. Ran out of an award?
A ward. A ward, like a ward. Oh, I thought you said award
because I have won Thank you so much. Thank you actually for
bringing this to our attention. Let’s get closer here. So … These need to be ironed,
first of all. Well you don’t wear ’em out.
He’s wearing them … Well, he thinks you can.
[crosstalk 00:01:55] He thinks he’s coming
to the French Open, like he’s a God damn
tennis star. Look right now.
You know what I can see? I can see that
you have small penis. Oh, fuck. Well, I mean,
no one knows for sure. You can tell, you can tell. Boxers are a true sign
of a small penis because those are,
that’s someone protecting their identity
and someone, they don’t know what the outline
of their dick is. Briefs protect your penis more. If anything,
it would be more obvious that Jordan has a tiny penis
if he was wearing boxer briefs. Exactly.
That is true. Which I, as an onlooker,
I need to know that up top. You know?
That you can see … We went on one date, what if
I have to walk in on this? You’re saying it’s a negative
that this disguise is the fact that Jordan
has a tiny penis? Yes. I think it’s a positive because,
this way, Jordan has his second before he shows
you his tiny penis. This underwear gives him
the feeling of a man with a big penis,
just for a second. I mean, I disagree
with you both. Don’t you wanna give him that? I have a normal sized penis. With briefs, you see with
what the outline of a penis. You know what you’re walking
into. There’s no … And the balls. And balls. Yeah.
If someone has huge balls, they’re just going to be,
you’re going to know it. You can tell. Where’s the mystery there? There shouldn’t be mystery! You need to be transparent.
Okay? Okay, Well then we,
then as women, we should stop wearing
push up bras. Yeah.
I don’t wear push up bras. We should stop wearing Spanx. You should wear T-shirts
that say your breast size. Yeah! Yeah, and have little holes
cut out for the nipples. Yeah. I think the most attractive
thing is virility, how much sperm you can give. Yes. And people
intuitively feel that. That is not the most
attractive thing! You think women love
just laying there and getting their belly
button filled up, getting their backs
just scorched? Yeah. When you’re laying in bed
and your computer’s right here and you’re nutting on yourself, it’s on the back
of the computer. Wipe it off. It’s at your belly
button, scoop it out. Well, I say- Some of it gets in your eyebrow. You’re thinking,
least it didn’t get on my mouth. Harvard study shows that people
who wear boxers versus people who are briefs
have 25% more sperm! 25! The only reason why Harvard
did that study is ’cause everyone that goes
to Harvard has a tiny penis, and they wear boxers
to cover it up. So they made
that bullshit study so that no one knows everyone
at Harvard has the tiniest dick. I don’t think that’s true.
You know what? I’m going to show you
how stupid briefs look. Look at how stupid I look now.
Did I win the French Open? No. Oh yuck! I looked cool just a second ago.
Now Look at how stupid I look. It’s too tight.
I don’t look fertile at all. Do you think
I could bear a child? You think I can impregnate
a woman right now? Probably not. Should get a bikini wax. But look. Now I look like
I can father a family. This is family.
Childless. Family. Childless. Exactly. Okay. Here’s the thing.
I will give it to you. Jordan looks
absolutely terrible. However, briefs are sexier. I know. Look at this. You can’t. [crosstalk 00:04:57]
You put makeup on a pig. Do you think
I look sexy right now? No.
No, but- Exactly. That’s the only person we have
to look at for an example. I didn’t think with the boxers
he was turning me on either, either way. Yeah, but it’s a little better. This is a bad prototype. I think the combination
is kind of cool. I’ll say that. Here’s the problem.
Look at this. Yeah. Okay? Look it. Look at that. Well, it’s easy access.
It’s easy access, but- Or for sexual predators. Exactly. Well, I’m not a sexual predator,
Hannah. Men have a appendage. Yes. Slipping out at usually at 45
degree angle from their waist, in between their waist
and their knees. It’s called a penis. Yeah.
Okay. Always 45. Always 45. So you’re at
this kind of angle. It wants to peak out
and wants to poke his head. Now when you’re walking,
flam, flam, flam. It’s smacking basically against
your testicles constantly. Either that or if it’s,
if it’s hot, then they’re squished together
and they’re swinging as a unit. Understand. And with something like boxers,
they don’t have buttons on them. as you can see here.
You know. So oftentimes, let’s say you’re
waking up in the morning, you’re going to have your
morning crudite in the kitchen, you’re walking out
in just your boxers, and you got a little ter-
… You got a little scuba diver
head poking out, and it goes like that
when you walk with your legs. You know what I mean?
Can you imagine that? And so I’m saying
that this is cool. I mean, you shouldn’t have to
walk around with your dangle wangling out.
You know? I should be able
to walk to the kitchen and not have
my fucking Billy Bob Thornton wangling around like it
was a dangler. Briefs are, what’s it called?
Ergonomically designed. Yeah. To tuck, fold, smush,
and bring up. Yeah. But with briefs you’re
suffocating your a little bit. Billy Bob’s.
Yeah. All your little Billy Bobs
are dying. And they’re not,
they’re never gonna find their Angelina Jolie’s. You’re just killing them all. Listen. I’m spewing out whippy
whoppers left and right. Okay? Oh, you think you are. Oh yeah, I’ve counted ’em.
Okay. You’re not.
I’ve counted ’em, you know. Oh please.
Yeah. Okay. How could you?
Because Because I scrape them off
my own chest, and I look at ’em, and I can, and I can see
it’s packed full of the things. And imagine how many more
you could have if you hadn’t choked ’em out. I don’t need more! I-
You know what? If I had any more,
I could come in a lady’s ass and she’d have a baby
the next day. I don’t think you could ever
impregnate someone just based on the fact
that you wear these things. I am suffocating in these. I just, I just need
to take these off because they are
just suffocating my sperm, and I can’t.
I’m going to be a dad one day. Whoa. No, no, no, no, no.
Oh! Oh!
Oh my God! Oh. Where is it? What do you mean, where is it? I think it’s the third ball
on top there. Oh my God. So thankfully from the briefs,
I didn’t even need to check. I just knew
it was going to … No. It was the briefs
that did this. There’s no way he had
that tiny of a penis to start. Did you not see
when he took off he boxers? No, the briefs. The briefs shrunk it and mashed
it up and made it almost gone. Are you calling briefs
like binding shoes? Yes. You know what it’s like? It’s like one of those
construction site little mashers, and that’s what this brief
clearly did to his penis. I … no. ‘Cause no one has a penis
that smushed in tiny. And the problem is if he had
boxers, if we just had boxers, he would’ve been able to have
a penis like a normal boy. Listen, it’s my – My clit is bigger
than that penis. I know! And I wear briefs all the time,
and it’s done nothing to that. It’s never pushed
that back in. Listen, I’m as I’m as fucked up and disappointed
in Jordan’s mashed up and broken,
small penis as anyone. This is sad!
It’s fucked up. Listen-
Can we all agree? This is really fucked up! That there’s a middle point
here of boxer briefs. You think he would
bring his penis back? I can’t guarantee it. Nothing will bring
his penis back. Nothing wrong with this.
It’s just scared. There’s cameras
all over it right now, and it’s just inside my body. Listen, I’m not a doctor
and I’m barely even a scientist. But I think there’s hope
for Jordan’s mashed up what basically it looks
like another scrotum on top of his testicles. Let’s see your jerk technique. [inaudible] Oh!
Oh, sorry. Sorry. Okay. Oh, shoot. You keep missing. It seems like you miss
the penis every time.


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