Brickleberry – Porn Con


– WELL, THIS SUCKS,
MALLOY. I CAN’T BELIEVE NO ONE
WANTS TO MEET ME. THERE’S EVEN A LINE
TO SEE THE FATTIES FROM
FILIPINO FOOT FETISH 5!

[camera shutter clicking] – THAT WAS A SURPRISINGLY
SOLID FILM, DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN’T REALIZE
IT WAS A PREQUEL TILL THE END. – I’M A JOKE. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU
TALKED ME INTO COMING HERE. MY LEGACY IS DEAD.
– CHEER UP, WOODY. THESE PORN NERDS
ARE JUST CHEAP. AUTOGRAPHS NOW
ONLY $10. $1.00 AUTOGRAPHS. [thud] OKAY, NO ONE LOVES YOU.
– JESUS DOES! – NOT AFTER HE SAWTHE REXERECTION IV:
EASTER [bleep]DAY.
– LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT IS MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE THE BIGGEST
PORN STAR IN THE WORLD, THE GOD OF ROD,
THE MASTER ASS BLASTER, THE SHOE-IN FOR THIS YEAR’S
BONEY AWARD, DUKE DICK! [cheers and applause] – HEY, THOSE AREMYMOVES! THAT’S MY NAVAJO CHAP SLAP
AND MY INVERTED CLAM! [gasps]
AND THAT’S MY MR. BELVEDERE! – YO! DUKE DICK
IN THE HIT ZONE! WHAT TIME IS IT?
– IT’S TIME TO BUST ASS! – AND THAT’S
MY CATCHPHRASE! – NOW, WHO WANTS TO SEE DUKE
DO HIS FAMOUS MOVE? THE DUKE ROCKET! [cheers and applause] – STOP RIGHT THERE! – SOMEONE GET
THIS QUEEN OFFSTAGE BEFORE THE DUKE
GETS FILLED WITH RAGE! – YOU STOLE ALL OF MY MOVES,
ASSHOLE! – ASSHOLE? MY ASSHOLE HAS WON
FIVE BONEY AWARDS! SHOW SOME RESPECT, SON! – OH, I AIN’T YOUR SON,
HOMBRE. I’M REX [bleep] ERECTION! – REX ERECTION
WAS MY HERO UNTIL HE TOLD ME
I’D NEVER MAKE IT. – WHAT THE– “DEAR DUKE,
YOU GOT A SMALL TOOL. STAY IN SCHOOL.
REX.” – WELL, I SHOWED YOU. NOW I’M ON TOP, AND YOU’RE
ALL WASHED UP, OLD MAN. – NOT FOR LONG, ‘CAUSE YOU
KNOW WHAT I’M GONNA DO? – I DON’T KNOW.
SKYPE WITH YOUR GRANDKIDS? – NO, I’M GONNA
COME OUT OF RETIREMENT, I’M GONNA MAKE MY OWN MOVIE,
I’M GONNA WIN THAT BONEY, AND THEN I’M GONNA SHOVE IT UP
YOUR AWARD-WINNING ASSHOLE! – YEAH, RIGHT. WHAT DIRECTOR WOULD TOUCH
YOUR WASHED-UP WHITE ASS? – I WILL. – DUDE, A HAIRY
LITTLE WOODLAND CREATURE CAN’T DIRECT A MOVIE. – UH, WHAT ABOUT
PETER JACKSON? – OKAY,
I STAND CORRECTED.

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