EVERY SUBWAY EVER


I actually said light mayo… DUDE! OH MY GOD! We’ve been here for like half an hour! Excuse me, but I’m a sandwich artiste. Now if you’ve got a problem with it, take yo a** down to McDonald’s. It’s right around the corner. *The Exorcist* Every Subway Ever Yes. Okay. I’ll talk to you later. Okay, So what I’m gonna need are two Parmesan hot bread six-inch subs with extra Italian, one rat-sized nibble of cheese baked onto two half palms of lettuce, dashed with sweet pepper spritzed with ham pressed authentic olive oil, filled with Swedish roast beef fused with another six inch Sub that some veggie-vegan-veterinarian-styled, brought down from the Himalayas by a well mannered Sherpa named Gogu. Okay, uhh… um… You want a six-inch Pakistan… What…? Every Subway smells the same. Hi! Um, I’d like a salad please. Okay. What kind of bread? Uhh… No. a salad? Right. What kind of bread? Uhh, none, a salad! RIGHT! What kind of bread OPTION? (PLEASE TAKE HEADPHONES OFF NOW!!!!) A SALLAAAAAA— Subway is the best cause it’s fresh! All right, man, you’re all set. Eat Fresh! I’m sorry? It’s our slogan… Eat fresh? I should eat fresh? So you’re telling me to not eat this sandwich… *Silence* Yyyye… Nooo… [dafuq] Why does all your bread look sad? Doesn’t matter, it’s fresh! Greetings, sir or madame. Hey. So, I’m trying to eat healthier now, so that’s why I’m here at Subway today. Do you have whole wheat bread? Of course we do. Perfect. I’ll get two foot-long meatball Subs, with double provolone and an extra row of meatballs and the largest Coke that you have. And then instead of chips, can I instead get a three foot long party sub dunked in mayo? You look fresh. What’s your name, subway? I SAID, A SALAAAD!!! WHAT KIIIND OF BREAAAD?!?! NO BREAAAD! JUST VEGETABLES İN A BOOWWL! WHA- Wait, uhh, Bread Bowl? NNOOO– How many types of bread does Subway sell? Lettuce and tomato? Yes, please. And could I also get, uh, spinach, cucumbers, onions, both the white and the purple please, um, Oh! Oh! Pickles, and Bell peppers, cheese, both shredded and sliced, OBviously. Sweet, is that it? Oh… I’m sorry, uh, could I get a little more lettuce… please? Give me more lettuce. -_- Right, jus-just a little… little more lettuce, please, please. Sir, am I gonna have to call your manager?! ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ I WANT more lettuce. Perfect. Just wrap it on up and I’ll be on my very way. *struggles trying to wrap it up* *punches the sandwich* All right… There you go. Thank you sir. Eat fresh! *Sub–splosion!* Could I actually get my 12-inch cut into six two inches? And then those cut in half into one inch one inches? Great. Now put all the vegetables into the bowl. Wow! So it’s only vegetables. Yes, a salad. It’s perfect. Thank you. You’re welcome. So would you like this toasted? No… *gets intense* How long would you like this toasted for? NOO- I like subs, I’m not talking about subtraction. I’ve got every single one. Pokemon, not STDs. Hi, I would love a cup of broccoli cheddar soup. Oh my god! She’s here! THE CHOSEN ONE! THE DAY FINALLY CAME! NO ONE EVER BUYS OUR SOUP! It would be my honor to serve you soup my dear lady. Yes!! HOHOHOHOHO! Sh**! We only have chicken noodle soup today. Tuesdays! Broccoli cheddar day… I’m so sorry. We’ve let you down. Oh chosen one! See you in the next life, dear friend… See you in the next life dear friend. 🙁 (SCREAMING) Oh, wait. Why isn’t it burning? I don’t know did we forget to plug the soup in? Oh… We haven’t had it plugged in in years. We discontinued it in like 2008. Oh my god. I guess it’s just been sitting there. Weird. Okay, um, in that case, I will just get a salad. For sure. What type of bread? Every Subway Ever Thank you guys so much for keeping it freaki-freaki-fresh with us! Click the box on the left to watch Every McDonald’s Ever. and click the box on the right to watch Every Church Ever. Woohoo!

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