from me, to you: a lil lauren lopez to water your crops

Oh, hello. I’m Lauren Lopez. [Lauren being beautiful] Sami’s her own kind of special. [Singing] She is the hottest girl I’ve ever seen! And you grew that- UGH. FUCKING. This! This! Beard? Yes, a fucking BEARD. I love the word “crap”. Today only. You come back and help us, I’ll be your wife. Zazzalil… Like what you see? All this can be yours all night every night. You’re always a little boy, right? So- Not always. [Quietly] It’s alright. Listen, um, Paul- And I was like: “No! Wait a minute! Wait a minute. I worked so hard to get these special buses that you can shit on!” “Smell his butt! Everyone smell his butt!” Like: “Clark shit his pants!” [Singing] Boy, boy toy. You know, you are my favorite boy. You’re my boy, my boy toy. Time with you I always enjoy. If you like: A lot of rhythm, girls, and women’s rights, come see this. What?! What the hell is this?! [In a Scottish accent] Hey, I was Bonnie Jean. That was 2003, right? They will tell you you can shit on a bus and then they’ll take that way. And your butthole will be screaming in agony. AGH. What the fuck is that?! I think if I’m being honest, you know, [Singing] I’m a little gay for you. [Old time-y, ’20s music] [Singing] This year you bet gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I’ll have the greatest wizard career. It’s gonna be totally awesome! Look out world for the dawn of the day, when everyone will do whatever I say! And Potter won’t be in my way. And then I’ll be the one who is totally awesome. yEAH YOU’LL BE THE ONE WHO IS TOTALLY AWESOME But we’re a family. [Singing] Don’t know why I’d ever be so mean. This could mean… danger! So lazy! [Singing] No one else has left the cave before, no one’s ever been so fucking brave before. There is nothing unknown that I will not explore. [Being beautiful while Nick introduces himself] That must be why everyone loves you so much. Probably. So you wannaget out of here?

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