Growing up Without Cable

Imagine if Netflix, Youtube and Hulu Imagine if Netflix, Youtube, & Hulu never existed. never existed. (Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good…) What would you be watching right now? What would you be watching right now? Would you be watching… Would you be watching… THIS? I don’t think so I don’t think so. You’d be watching this box You’d be watching THIS box right here. A… A… te-lo-vy-son? On this device instead of picking what you wanted to watch, and when you wanted to watch it, and when you wanted to watch it, the telovision would decide all that for you. And instead of watching a single 5-second skippable ad in the beginning, you’d have to watch five 30-second long UNskippable ads Can you think of anything more annoying? An advertisement right in the middle of your show? I don’t know if my parents were being cheap or trying to discourage an unhealthy habit of watching too much TV, but growing up, my parents didn’t have cable television at ALL in the house. Now, in this modern day & age of online content, some of you are living perfectly content lives without cable. I know I am. But you have to understand, in the early 2000’s, online video wasn’t a thing. Yeah, Youtube was created in 2005, but what did that have? This guy at a zoo? That’s LAME. So, being an early 2000’s kid, you had to get your cartoons through the TV. And, if your parent’s didn’t pay 65 dollars [USD] a month to get cable, then you didn’t GET the channels with Spongebob, Jimmy Neutron or Courage the Cowardly Dog πŸ™ The only thing YOU got was this green brother and sister called P.B.S Kids And, whatever THESE things were. PBS Kids stands for “Public Broadcasting Service…” “Kids.” That meant all the shows on PBS Kids were government or privately funded. So the shows on PBS didn’t really have any commercials per say, but they did have the same sponsorship ads that would play a message before every show. If you grew up on P.B.S Kids, then “JUICY JUICE” and “Where a kid can be a kid!” is just engraved in your memory. And also, every show would thank you, the viewer, for watching… and I think that’s really nice. So, everyone watching this… You’re welcome. (You pretentious fu-) I’m kinda glad my parents didn’t buy cable. Because instead of spending hours of my time watching mindless television and asking the question, is mayonnaise and instrument?, I spent hours of my time… watching television with MORALS. And MATHS! Yep, a lot of shows on PBS were either educational or taught you how to be a good person. The shows I’m gonna mention had pretty CRAZY concepts, but the conflicts in each episode were very down-to-earth and slice o’ life-y, almost like the shows were made for CHILDREN. Like in Clifford the Big Red Dog! It’s a show about this girl’s dog who grew up to be the size of a freaking HOUSE for NO REASON except for the fact that the girl loved the dog SO MUCH that he grew up to be a MONSTER. So that means if your dog is normal sized… you don’t love it enough. And it probably doesn’t love you. So, yeah. A GIANT red dog is a pretty weird premise, but the episodes were about every-day things. Like, this blue dog feels bad that he tore up his owner’s sweater, and his friends tell him to just BE HONEST and he does and everyone’s happy. Or the episode where this NEW dog moves into town, but he’s MISSING a leg and then Clifford and his friends have to learn that having 3 legs still means you can accomplish a lot of things any NORMAL human can do. I mean dog. And I rate this show a 10/10. Next is Dragon Tales; the show that made dragons kid-friendly. ♫ There’s Ord, he’s the biggest! Not so brave of heart. ♪ ♪ There’s Cassie! She’s so shy, but so very smart! ♫ ♫ There’s Zak & Wheezie and they’re tales of fun! ♪ ♪ ‘Cause you know two heads are better than onnNEEEE ♫ ♫ DRAGON TALES, DRAGON TALES ♪ ♪ IT’S ALMOST TIME FOR DRAGON TA- ♫ This show was pretty similar to Clifford. The characters would spend an episode learning every-day things like… how to do a cartwheel, or they would try to make it rain so they could show their friend what a rainbow looks like and there was also this grandpa dragon who knew Spanish for some reason? “Don’t come too close, niños.” And that wasn’t the weirdest thing on the show, actually. There was also a dragon character… in a wheelchair? Which, just like Clifford, is a good character because it teaches kids that disabled people are still people who can accomplish a LOT of things. BUT, I think it’s a weird… combination of two things. A dragon, a mythical BEAST known for destroying CITIES… in a wheelchair..?! If you wanted to stop a dragon from destroying your city, then you just don’t install wheelchair ramps anywhere! I should stop talking. I rate this show a 10/10. Now let’s talk about Arthur. Here’s some fun trivia! Arthur is supposed to be an Aardvark. Personally, I don’t see it. Basically it was a show about Arthur and his other furry friends learning lessons, but Arthur tended to tackle more serious subjects than the other two shows. Like they have episodes where D.W. hears her parents get in a fight, and she worries about them getting a divorce. Or the episode where Arthur falcon PUNCHES his little sister, and even having to deal with someone you know getting cancer. “WhAt? CaNcEr?” The character gets treatment and lives, by the way… … ‘Cause it’s a kids show. TEN OUTTA TEN. Next let’s talk about my FAVORITE show on P.B.S Kids: Cyberchase. [ ♫ UNDENIABLY EPIC COVER OF THE CYBERCHASE THEME ♪ ] This show didn’t teach kids morals or how to properly treat the disabled… it taught them something far more important. MATH>:D Cyberchase is set inside a virtual computer world, and this one character named Motherboard was supposed to be the queen/protector of this world, but she sucks at her job because the villain of the show, Christopher Lloyd, infects her with a virus. So now these 3 kids have to go on adventures using math principles to thwart the bad guys plans to save Mommyboard… M-Motherboard. M-Muddaboard? M-mommy. Mommm, come back! Mommy, Nooo! We need to save Mommyboard! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA And unlike all the other shows, this show had an over-arching STORY. The kids would always get THIS CLOSE to saving Motherboard, but nothing they did WORKED! When I was a kid I always wondered how much longer it would be until they finally SAVED HER. And they never did. The show’s been going on for 16 YEARS, and they’re STILL learning new math principles, trying to save Motherboard! I think they’re at CALCULUS at this point! The show is teaching you SLOWER than an actual school. What kind of a show makes you wait 16 YEARS for a conclusion?! SEBURCASE does and it’s one of the BEST shows ever created! TEN OUTTA TEN. One last show I wanna bring up is called Caillou. All you need to know about Caillou is that I hate him. Caillou is a 4-year-old and a DEMON. He constantly throws a tantrum whenever he doesn’t get his way. Even in his theme song he mentions how much of a brat he is! ♫ “Growing up is not so tough, EXCEPT when I’ve had enough” ♪ And then he’s crying like a child! Well you’re gonna have to grow up, Caillou! The world doesn’t REVOLVE AROUND YOU! And now you might be thinking, “James, this kid is 4 years old. Of COURSE he’s gonna be a brat.” And, I AGREE. But a big problem with Caillou isn’t the fact that he’s a brat, but it’s with his SPINELESS PARENTS. Caillou’s mom just lets him get away with EVERYTHING. Whenever I misbehaved, you know what happened to me? I had to go sit in the T I M E – O U T C O R N E R. You know what happens to Caillou? NOTHING! Not ONCE does Caillou ever get PUNISHED. It’s always his MOM, just being like “CaIlLoU, wHaT yOu SaId WaSn’T vErY nIcE. nOw Go BeHaVe, OkAy?” ZERO OUT OF TEN WITH THE SHOW WITH JUST THE HUMANS, I HATE IT. I just realized that all the shows I mentioned were animated, but there was a lot of non-animated shows that I still watched. But, whatever. I could just say that these shows fit the theme of my channel. Or I could make a part 2! I can do whatever I want. Now, as a die-hard P.B.S fanboy, I think I speak for everyone when I say that what P.B.S was missing… WAS A CROSSOVER EPISODE (IKR) How hard would it have been for the Clifford people and the Dragon Tails people to coordinate an episode where the 3-legged dog finds a dragon scale? He could dig it up out of the sand ’cause dogs like to dig. Except, this dog wouldn’t be that good at digging. And then he would meet up with the wheelchair dragon and then they could be best friends! I would’ve LOVED that! As much as I’m joking about it, as a kid, I actually REALLY wanted a crossover episode between the shows Clifford and Clifford’s Puppy Days. Which is another show that follows Clifford before he was interesting, when he was tiny, so, before Emily Elizabeth loved him. So there was a bunch of new characters that all knew Clifford when he was little, and the two shows existed in the same UNIVERSE, so it wouldn’t have been THAT UNBELIEVABLE for Clifford to visit his childhood home, and then all the other characters who used to call him “small” or “squirt” would see him now and be like, “WHOA!” “WHAT THE *FLUFF* HAPPENED TO YOU?!” (OMG IT’S HAPPENING KIDS HE’S BECOMING A PG-13 CHANNEL) You see, it’s funny because it’s a kids show and you wouldn’t expect them to say that. I waited patiently for that crossover episode. But it never came. But at least I have fan-fiction! There’s no quotation marks by the way. OK that’s enough. Hello everyone, I’m back! Did any of you watch these shows as a kid? That’s cool, I guess. As you can probably tell, I didn’t post anything at all in the month of May. That’s because May is my birthday month so I didn’t do any work in my birthday month. No, but for real though, I’ve been busy working on a BOOK! I know youtubers have a bad reputation of making crappy books, but this ones gonna be DIFFERENT. This one has PICTURES in it. It’s gonna be on sale in August but you can pre-order it right now on Amazon (link in the description) and you’ll be able to pre-order it at my booth at Vidcon, and I was thinking of doing something special for the people who pre-order it at Vidcon like giving them a signed copy. Sorry if you’re not going to Vidcon. So if you wanted to pre-order it and you’re going to Vidcon, wait to pre-order it there… also sorry for the people not going to Vidcon. Oh yeah! I’m gonna go to Vidcon, I don’t think I ever officially announced that. I’m gonna make a dedicated video next officially announcing the book, and I’ll talk more about it there, so… cool. Thanks for watching and thanks to the amazing people who helped color the pictures in this video. You should check them out, they’re all very talented artists. Shout out to Deklin and wear your seatbelt!


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