[ theme music ] Where is he?
Wh-Where’s Zach? [ZACH] I was just
trying to scare her. I was just– Like in the…
Halloween spirit of it all. Not a good idea around
the Secret Service. – Are you okay?
– I’m fine. I’m fine.
Let’s start. Hi, welcome to another
edition of Between Two Ferns. I’m your– your host Zach Galifianakis,
and my guest today is Hillary… Clinton. Thank you very much
Mrs. Clinton for being here. Critics have questioned
some of your decision making recently, and by you doing this show
I hope it finally lays that to rest. Oh, I think it–
it absolutely proves their case.
Don’t you? Are you excited to be
the first girl President? Well, I mean being President
would be such an extraordinary honor, and responsibility,
but being the first women elected President and what that
would mean for our country, and particularly what
that would mean for, you know, not just little girls,
little boys too. – That’s pretty special.
– Mmhmm. Not to take away from the historic
significance of you perhaps becoming the first female President,
but for a younger, younger generation, you will also become their
first white President, and that’s pretty neat too. As Secretary, how many words
per minute could you type? And how does
President Obama like his coffee? Like himself? Weak? You know Zach, those are
really out of date questions. I… You need to
get out more. What happens if you
become pregnant? Are we going to be stuck
with Tim Kaine for 9 months? How does this work? I could send you some pamphlets
that might help you understand– First you supported Obama’s
Trans Pacific Partnership deal,
and then you were against it. I think that people deserve to know,
are you down with TPP? Uh… I’m not
down with TPP. No, you’re supposed to say,
“Yeah, you know me.” – Like the hip-hop group–
– Don’t tell me what to say. Fine, lose.
[softly] The country goes to shit. – Let’s talk about Trump, um–
– Oh, let’s. When you see how well it works for
Donald Trump, do you ever think to yourself, “Oh, maybe I should
be more racist?” When he’s elected President,
and Kid Rock becomes
Secretary of State, are you going to move to
Canada or one of the Arctics? I would stay in
the United States. – And what would you try to–
– I would try to prevent him destroying the
United States. So you’re going to
lead the Civil War? No. I wouldn’t–
I wouldn’t take up arms. I-I think that might
be a little extreme. Oh right, because you were saying
before we were rolling that you wanted to take away
everyone’s guns. Very cool.
Cool, cool, cool. I really regret
doing this. Any regrets over losing
the Scott Baio vote? Not a one. – So it wasn’t heartbreaking that–
– No. Yeah, but Chachi.
I mean who’s going to be next? Max Headroom? I’d love to meet the person
who makes your pants suits. Oh really. Yeah, because for Halloween,
I wanted to go as a librarian
from outer space. I think that would be
a good look on you. Have you thought about what you’re
going to be wearing at the debates? You know, there’s this thing called
the double standard, and so, I think about, well, what should the first woman nominee
of one of our two major parties wear to the debate,
and I have no idea, so if you’ve got suggestions
I’m open to them. Do you wonder what your
opponent might be wearing?
I mean– I-I assume he’ll wear, you know,
that red power tie. Or maybe like a
white power tie. That’s even more
appropriate. When you went to Donald Trump’s wedding,
did he write his own vows? And did Michelle Obama
write Melania’s? Um, I… really couldn’t see or hear very well.
So I’m not quite sure what his vows were, but I’m sure they were great
and huge and wonderful. Like his bowels. [ she chuckles ] Chelsea, your daughter, and Ivanka Trump,
Trump’s daughter, are friends– does Ivanka ever call Chelsea,
you know, to talk about boys that
might have crushers on her, like her dad? I don’t think so. What’s going to be the number
one focus of your Presidency? Oh Zach, it has to be the economy.
We need more good jobs
with rising incomes. We gotta make the economy
work for everybody, – not just those at the top–
– We need to take a… We need to take a break. We just need to have a
word from our sponsor. Okay. Washington is broken. The truth is too many politicians
are totally controlled by special
interests and lobbyist. We’re going to make
America great again. [DONALD in voiceover]
I’m Donald Trump,
and I approve this message. He approves the message. Wh-Why would you
play a commercial from my opponent in the
middle of our interview? He paid me in steaks. I would be afraid to
eat them if I were you. It’s a good cut of meat.
I think it’s part of the [bleep] hole. Well, this has been a lot
of fun Mrs. Clinton. We should stay in touch.
What’s the best way to reach you? Email? [voice from device]
You got mail! [ theme music ]