How Star Wars The Last Jedi Should Have Ended


Oh wow she’s floating back all the sudden! Quick someone open the door! But sir! *screams* Oh my! I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Oh no happy beeps, buddy! Happy beeps. This Poe Dameron of the republic fleet I have
an urgent communique for General Hux. Destroy that ship. hello? Right away, Sir. Oh poop. We’ve got enemy fighters closing in! uh… I suddenly have to use the bathroom. The chain of command dictates that Admiral
Ackbar will take command. Because… seniority. Excellent! heheh. Sorry Sister. (sigh) I’d rather not do this right now. Yeah me too. Oh my gosh! A little privacy please! Eeww! the image is burned in my brain! he he he he. Okay. We’re here. Let’s land in the tall grass so we don’t get
spotted by some red-neck alien. Oh good idea! This is a covert mission. We don’t have time to waste rescuing horses
or feeling bad for random kids. Right. No matter how sad it makes us. Right. Our friends are literally running for their
lives. It’s all up to us. Alright I know! I said I get it. geez. We’re landing in the grass. And that, dear child, is my origin story! Well that was kind of a detour to the current
situation I’m dealing with but now I understand… Darth Plagueis! Your parents were nothing. They were drunkards. *cries* They sold you for drinking money. I don’t seem to remember my granddaughter
ever being sold for drinking money. What! Who are you? I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi
And this here is my granddaughter. *gasp*
That’s not true! Really!? That’s impossible! Search your feelings
you know it to be true. *squeal* Now. As I was trying to tell you before
These are your first steps. And your true parents are… *Gasp*
Oh no! You’re a grandfather too!? Not this again, Anakin. Every time! I’m so happy for you! I’m so happy too! We’re both so happy! Let’s tell everyone! Do you want to tell everyone!? Of Course! Please don’t. Ben, did you hear the news? Is that… my… Grandfather!??? Hi Ben! Grandfather!!!! What are they doing? Sir, they’re transmitting a message! This is Admiral Ackbar of the republic fleet
with an urgent communique to Commander Hux. Good Lord. Not this again. What do you want? Commander Hux. Do you know what this is? What are you talking about? None of us can see you, Ackbar! Do you know what this is!? What what is? Do you know? What it is? It’s a…. It’s a what?! It’s aaaaa… What are you doing right now?! It’s… A… TRAP!!!!!!!!! AAAAGH!!! Why’d you slice off my hand?! I saved you, dummy. What? What do you think I was trying to do? It’s not about winning… It’s about saving the ones you love. That’s what I was trying to do! Ackbar did the exact same thing earlier. Let’s kiss. What the! NO! This is just sad. Should we let’m go?
uh…. no. Oh DANG! Finn and Rose just died! Finn and who? What did you think was going to happen? That I would take on the First Order with
nothing but a laser sword? Yes! That’s exactly what I thought was going to
happen. That actually does sound pretty awesome. Okay! Let’s do it! This place is dead anyway. But first… Let’s get one for the road. (gulp gulp gulp) Let’s go! Alright alright. We can go. I’m gonna miss you the most. I want every gun we have…
to fire on those two. Do it! That’s impossible! He’s never been seen having thatt force ability
before! Well we have all seen you do that before… so it’s not too crazy to think he can do the same Shut up, Karl! Nobody asked you! Now. No! NO! NOOO! NOOOooooooo! Bring me down to th… AAaggagaaaaaahgggg
Oh Come On! What is with you and lightening all of the
sudden? Hmhmhmhmh Now. As my first act as commander… I wish to tell everyone the plan. We have a secret base on a nearby planet
that we are trying to reach So nobody freak out
or start a mutiny or anything. We actually have a plan to survive. Oh thank God!

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