I HATE YOUTUBE DRAMA


*alarm blaring* IHE: A lot of words are being spoken about “YouTube Drama” at the moment. But not much is actually being said. Now shut up and listen to me. IHE: Now before you even say it, “Oh this is rich coming from fucking I Hate Everything. You’re a dirty hypocrite!” “Oh, typical. He’s just doing this for views.” Well… yes. That’s the fucking point of YouTube. But I also do have something constructive to add to this, so let’s stop beating around the bush here. So I’m terribly sorry if I’m the one who’s introducing you to this petty, meaningless gossip… SHIT. COME ON, HELICOPTER! YOU-Y-YOU CUNT! You s- You fucking serious right now? I’m terribly sorry if I’m the one who’s introducing you to this petty… Meaningless. Gossip. SHIT. But effectively some very large players in the YouTube community are talking smack about each other. Yeah. That’s the fucking level we’re on now. And the YouTube community has deemed this newsworthy. (defeated) OK. You can get mad at me for talking about this all you want, but it’s YOU FUCKING IDIOTS that promote this content. Like, why should we, as people who make videos on YouTube, ignore the most popular kind of content right now? It’s like you’re fucking forced to jump on the bandwagon if you want to stand a chance at building a viewership. It’s like a playground shouting match. Everyone’s screaming a lot of shit and most of them are refusing to name names. Because their argument is: “Once you start naming names, then that’s when you become just as bad as the drama people.” Which makes… no sense. Because making a video about YouTube drama… …IS YouTube Drama. Stop pretending that you’re above it. Like seriously, just use your brains. These guys have channels with millions upon millions of followers, most of which have probably NEVER even heard of this dumb drama until now. So by calling attention to it, surprisingly enough… You’re drawing… attention to it. If you really are against the idea of YouTube drama, don’t point your HUGE TITANIC GARGANTUAN fucking audience of impressionable kids towards it, and make sure you never interact with it in any way. But these guys have gone and done the complete fucking opposite. What are you, dummies? Look, before I actually start naming names myself, because I’m not a pussy, please fucking understand that this is not an attack on them as people, or even their content really like… I don’t care. I’m just talking about the subject here. Enough people have asked me to talk about it. I guess I did just call them pussies, but calm down, I was joking. Like seriously, calm the fuck down, they’re a random person who makes videos that you like or dislike on the internet, who you’ve likely never met, and probably never will meet. Please be reasonable, take a step back, and be thoughtful, OK? OK. So… From what I can figure out, Markiplier kind of started this whole thing by making this vague and confusing video called, “YouTube Has Changed”. No shit. Where he kind of talks for a bit, clearly without any kind of script, so it’s very muddled and lacks any point or focus. At the end of his twelve minute ramble, he even basically says it himself. Markiplier: I don’t think I made a single point in this entire video, I think I just rambled for… way too long. (Got that right) IHE: I guess it was his way of venting his frustration with some of the YouTube trends at the moment. Which I guess is fair enough, whatever, it’s completely harmless… …for the most part. Up next was Pewds, who basically echoed everything Markiplier said, but in a quarter of the time, and with a whole bunch more contradictions. People listen to PewDiePie, he’s like the fucking daddy of YouTube. So it’s kind of worrying how little thought he put into this video. Like, I’M allowed to make videos with titles that make no sense and contradict themselves, because I’m pretty self-aware about how STUPID all of this is. But good ol’ Pewds doesn’t even seem to realize that his video makes no sense. Then in jumps KSI, who calls out both PewDiePie AND Markiplier for being baby whiners who should man up and at least call out by name who they think are ruining the YouTube community, and that they look like a bunch of hypocrites for stirring the drama even more and making money off it in the process, partaking in the exact behavior that they were criticizing. So then KSI makes the point that like nothing is wrong with YouTube…? KSI: YouTube is AMAZING right now. I’m having the fucking time of my life! IHE: And that because he is personally having a great time with his Lamborghini and loads of money, that means that platform is perfect and you should SHUT UP. I’ll go back to that in a second, don’t you worry. So then, Jesus… Keemstar… gets his fucking fists out and he punches PewDiePie right in the god damn face. An-and then they argue on Twitter or something. Just look, you fucking idiots, do you not understand?! You can try to fight it all you want, but Keemstar always wins. He has every fucking right to exist. DramaAlert does not create the drama. It simply exists to ride off it and talk about it. It can do good, it can do bad. It exists now… deal with it. Pewds said that he wants YouTube to be taken more seriously, like, television… I guess? PewDiePie: For… internet creators to be taken more seriously… …because we’re a new medium. This… *dumb hand gesture* is not helping. IHE: But television has plenty of shows that revolve around drama and celebrity gossip, so doesn’t the mere fact that DramaAlert exists confirm the fact that YouTube is evolving into an all-encompassing media platform that is large and successful enough to warrant gossip content TO FUCKING EXIST?! And people clearly adore it, if nobody watched the content, more of it wouldn’t be produced! That’s the way YouTube works. It’s just kinda the way ANYTHING that makes money works. So what do I think about all of this? Well honestly, I think it’s fucking stupid. I don’t like drama. I’m a very non-combative, reasonable and drama-reversed person, which may sound fucking rich coming from me. But notice how all my “drama” based content is reactionary. It’s me either defending myself or putting together well-thought-out rebuttals to people’s blatant bullshit. Which I think is fully reasonable and can be entertaining sometimes. Whatever, I don’t care what you think. So now I guess Leafy has made a video too, a joke video, from what I can tell, about YouTube drama. Where he makes a confusing point about never intending to send hordes of fans to the channels of the videos he makes fun of. So he’s going to put a disclaimer in the description of his videos from now on, saying that it’s satire and just a joke, so please don’t attack anyone… …or something along those lines. Because, of course, famously, everyone who watches YouTube takes great care to pay their utmost attention to the video description. *clears throat* But then right after explaining why mob mentality is a bad thing, he effectively urges his fans to spam a satirical hashtag that’s supposed to be like a joke? But everyone’s just gonna spam the hashtag like the “HISS” thing so the original point is completely watered-down and lost. And then, for God’s sake, after I finish writing this video, fucking Matthew Santoro made HIS OWN video called “YouTube is Changing”. His is the one I find the most stupid and dumb. Like these guys, they’re all saying the same thing. “Oh, it’s so sad that people aren’t being creative.” Santoro even says something dumb like: “There aren’t any channels dedicated to people who work with charities.” Matthew Santoro: There are no channels dedicated to the fact that this person worked with a charity! IHE: Like, welcome to the real world, mate. Anyone can make a YouTube channel about anything. That’s the fucking point of the website. Why don’t YOU focus on making more positive content if you don’t think we have enough of it? Why don’t YOU promote it with your fucking… HUGE audience. And stop throwing around the word, “creative” (says creative) (Does it again) (AND AGAIN) (Not even going to bother subtitling this) so much. You make countdown videos… …like, c’mon man. Just shut up. PewDiePie, Markiplier, and KSI all play video games and vlog into a camera for a living. Stop acting like the artistic integrity is lost. Chill out. YouTube is always changing, and is always going to change. You honestly sound so naive. You can’t expect random people on the internet to band together and all be respectful about one another all the time, just like in the same way we can’t expect everyone you ever meet in real life to be respectful and friendly to one another all the time. That’s just dumb. We’re not fucking Care Bears. He says the YouTube community is slowly being killed. Matthew Santoro: …slowly killing our community! IHE: He says we should stop sensationalizing negativity. Matthew Santoro: Stop sensationalizing…this… these negative videos and these people that are creating all this negativity. IHE: HEY! Because… we’re the ones who are making it cool. Matthew Santoro: Because we’re the ones that are making it cool. IHE: That’s kind of a weird way to phrase it. They keep saying that they see a shift happening. But they’re putting all the blame on something completely irrelevant. You can make money off YouTube videos. It’s arguably the biggest entertainment platform we have. And all of these guys have channels who are much bigger than DramaAlert. SO WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY BRINGING SO MUCH ATTENTION TO IT IF THEY DON’T LIKE IT AND DON’T WANT TO FUCKING SUPPORT IT?! Use. Your. BRAINS. Look, as a little experiment I went and bought a couple of these ancient artifacts known as… *smack* magazines. Maga-zines? I’m not sure. But I picked up an epic copy of “Reveal”… “Closer”… and… B… old guy… est. This is celebrity gossip that you can actually pay for. I embarrassed myself and payed money for this shit just to show you and prove a point. You’ve got such amazing and thought-provoking news such as, “Beyonce upsets curvy sisters!” “Puppy Love: Liam’s vid of him and Chez training his dog.” “I want my pre-baby body back!” “The yummy mummy laps up the Dubai sun.” This is the most shallow shit ever and I want to die. Oh look, I can chat AND date for only 13p per minute. Oh, I would love to talk to a women! Robot Woman: Welcome to Speak Easy! Press the star key now. IHE: Whoa, OK, um… *beep* *funky boogie woogie music begins* *IHE laughing* Robot Woman: Hi there! You’re through to chat and date! This is the busiest and best place for men and women to chat, flirt, date, and make friends, 24 hours a day! *unintelligible sounds* If you are a male caller, please press one. IHE: Yeah… I am a male. *beep* Robot Woman: This number is for women only. You can still join the fun and chat to all the women online by calling 0871- IHE: Oh shit, no! Why did they trick me?! Here we go. I’m gonna say that I’m a woman this time. Robot Woman: If you are a male caller, please press one. IHE: Not gonna trick me this time. Two. *beep* I’m a female now. Robot Woman: Please now record a greeting message to introduce yourself to the other callers. *high-pitched tone* IHE: Hi… My name is um… Summer… And um… I’m just looking for someone to talk to. *beep* That was AWFUL! *laughs* I just wanna talk to someone, man. I wanna ask them- Robot Woman: Press two to join the fun, and see who else is online! *beep* Robot Woman: To listen to greeting messages from callers who you’ve added to your favorites, please press one. IHE: What is this? Robot Woman: To hear all caller’s greeting messages, press two. IHE: Let’s hear them. *beep* Robot Woman: You will now hear other caller’s greeting messages. Random Lady: Hello there! Just online to see who’s around. Looking to speak to any men or women who would like a nice, clean, friendly chat. Come on over and… say hello. Robot Voice: To move on to the next greeting message, press one. To send this person a message, press two. IHE: I’m sending them a message, they sound like they want some- Robot Woman: After the tone, you have up to one minute to send this person a message. Press any key when you’ve finished recording. *high-pitched tone* IHE: Hey, you sound like a very f- nice person and I’d like to speak to you right away. I have some very good things… that I can offer to the conversation. *beep* Robot Voice: To replay your message, press one. *child-like giggles* IHE: Jesus… Robot Voice: If you’re happy with it, press two. Reply sent! I’m sorry, but your telephone number has been banned from using this service. Please contact our customer service desk on 0207- IHE: They blocked me! FUCK! *laugh* “Why are young girls more violent than ever?” “I was attacked in my local Tesco by two teen girls – they were out of control.” *pouring of oil and burning of garbage* Like, come on, how- how long is it gonna be until YouTube fuckboys are on the cover of these magazines, you know? Media sensationalizing just… stupid, dumb drama shit and celebrity gossip is not a new phenomenon, OK? (voice wavering) OK? It’s all well and good these YouTubers with endless amounts of fucking subscribers complaining about drama, despite it not even effecting them at all, unless they’re the ones who are fucking up. But everyone is ignoring the real problem with all of this. I personally don’t think YouTube IS in a very good place at the moment. It’s completely stagnant. But that has very little to do with the fact that YouTube drama simply… exists. My real concern is that YouTube is promoting and supporting a cynical whirlwind of unchallenging, uncreative, and derivative fucking content, meaning that to penetrate it, you have to be unchallenging, uncreative… and derivative. So it’s a never ending perpetual cycle of FUCK. But please, don’t get me wrong, it’s not surprising! I don’t expect it to be any better! It’s fucking OBVIOUS that a monetizable platform as lucrative as YouTube, would be ripe for contemptuous exploitation. It was fucking inevitable. Hang on, sorry, my head’s kinda stuck up my ass there lemme just pull it out. *cartoon sound effect* Ah, that’s better. It’s just a shame that it’s so…fucking… predictable… and boring… Boring. Boring. BOR- And before you even fucking say it, I’m not a special snowflake! I’m not above any of this! I’m simply stating the facts. I’m just as bad as all these other mother fuckers. The people with all the power here… …is YOU! Yes, YOU! You humble audience member who has made it this far into the video, don’t you realize that when you click onto that thumbnail with the sexy girl on it, you’re promoting more of that content to exist. Don’t you realize that by pressing on that video that’s talking about YouTube gossip, that you are handing over your ballot card that’s been marked, “I would like more of this content, please.” Drama is dumb and meaningless, and probably will never even effect you personally. We’re just nosy fuckers and can’t help ourselves. We revel in other people’s misfortune and misery because it makes our lives seem great in comparison. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore… I’m ending the video now. *disco music begins* So those are my thoughts on YouTube drama… Um… *sigh* By the time this video’s out, I’m sure, like, 16 more big YouTubers have made their own dumb video about it that makes no sense. “HEY!” “DON’T MAKE MORE… DRAMA VIDEOS!” …while making a drama video. Like, c’mon guys, just chill the fuck out. Like, how ’bout… we focus on things that are actually wrong with the platform? Like… I dunno, the fact that I’m pretty sure YouTube unsubscribes you from channels that you don’t interact with for a while. Or like… It only shows you on your m- home page thing… the channels that you interact with the most. So if someone who uploads not very regularly puts a video up, it might not even show you. Because… You know… It’s a semi-regular video compared to someone who uploads many a day. So they’re not as relevant. The algorithms think that you don’t care about it… …so it gradually shows less and less of the channel. Like, that’s so dumb. And the fact that my… my feed is filled with more videos from channels that I actively dislike than the people I’m actually subscribed to. When I follow people on Twitter… I want to see their tweets. I don’t wanna see the tweets… of random ass people who I don’t care about. That’s what YouTube is doing right now. The fact that y- to go to your own subscriptions, you have to click away to a tab… is just so fucking stupid. OK? So dumb. And the fact that… businesses are taking over… content… which is… predictable… and obvious. But like, it’s kinda stale… seeing… all these talk shows… be… some of the most watched and most advertised videos. ‘Cause how the fuck are we supposed to compete? With… millions of dollars of production value and shit? AH, FUCK ALL OF YOU! *stutter* SEE YA NEXT TIME! BYE! *beautiful sounds of nature* (Get pissed on)

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