Joueur du grenier (Hors-Sujet) – Les Dramas/Live-actions

[Gamer in the attic] Hi everyone, happy new year! And what would be better than an off-topic episode to start this new year? This time we’re gonna talk about something that never came out in France, or at least not until very recently: dramas. Saying ‘drama’ is imprecise, ‘drama’ means ‘dramatic’, because Japanese dramas are often tragedies, whether they be sentimal or about school for example. so here we should say ‘live action’. So what’s a live action? Quite simply, it’s the adaptation of something which already exists in anime, with real actors. There are a hell lot of dramas. Sometimes it’s quite good, like GTO, because the base of the anime is realistic, sometimes the adaptation is well made, like Radma 1/2, but sometimes you can’t help wondering how they’re going to manage. I mean, for example, let’s take Maison Ikkoku As an anime, it’s good. ‘Ah, what time is it? We had fun!’ ‘Why don’t you want to relax a bit and have fun with us? Chill out!’ ‘Hey preparer, wanna to take a sip?’ But in real life… ‘At the Mimosas residence, everyone is crazy, and there are already four people who killed themselves.’ ‘The ghetto, the ghetto, come on, we need to get the fuck out of here…’ So now, what happens if we take the adaptation of a series in which everyone is serious but which is at the same time totally irrealistic? Like this: ‘What’s happening?’ ‘It’s the… inward Muga!’ Well, let’s see! That’s useless. So, Prince of Tennis, released in 2006 and inspired from the eponymous series. We find the hero who just came back from the US and who takes the train which will take him back to Tokyo. Inside, a group of… Tennis thugs? What a crazy coincidence! …are being assholes and harassing a mute girl. She said ‘yamete kudasai’, it means ‘please stop’. You can speak Japanese? No… [Dramatic Inception soundtrack] Of course the young hero gets in the way and… [What did you say, dwarf?] …they play tennis. You know, I’m curious about how all of this works. Because in every anime it’s kind of the same thing: like come here, I’m challenging you, come at me bro show me what you got, etc. And when it’s a spinning tops match, okay, you can do that on the spot, but… Here it’s tennis, it’s not as easy! ‘Yes, hello! So, let me explain… I was in the middle of assaulting a young handicapped girl, but then a child got in the way… Anyway, let’s skip the details! But now we’re searching for a vacant court, it would be for a revenge.’ And I mean, what would’ve happened if they hadn’t been tennis thugs? ‘Hey, you! Leave her alone! I’m challenging you at tennis! Nevermind, sorry!’ [Punches and screams] Back to the topic, after defeating the tennis thugs, Echizen – that’s his name – arrives at his highschool’s tennis court and starts defeating his senpai while being watched by the local K-pop band. This band actually is the rest of the team, but in the end the match is interrupted by the club captain, Tezuka. And I don’t usually criticise actors but really, this guy only has one single gaze throughout the whole movie and he looks like he’s telling you: ‘I don’t understand shit about this game…’ Despite his young age, Echizen is thus now part of the team even though it’s against the rules. So all of them go to a friendly confrontation with another local highschool, the neighbour highschool’s team arrives for the match and the whole chicken coop is there to welcome them. [A simple snap of the fingers a the whole world goes silent] ‘Hey, you! You could at least put your things away, it’s a fucking mess! And the dishes! Why am I always the one doing the-‘ ‘Now tell me you fucking asshole, you thought I was gonna shut up, didn’t you?!’ And Echizen starts his first match. Oh come on, he’s the hero, we know he’s stronger than everyone else, we know he’s going to- Okay, I added the last one, in reality he loses an eye and resumes the match. That being said, I know it’s the adaptation of an anime… but if I was the captain, I wouldn’t let him play! I mean, it’s the first point of the first set! ‘Ha! Watch me losers, I’ll show you how to play football!’ ‘Ahh fuck I broke my leg! I broke my fucking leg!’ Meanwhile, in the shadow of the night, training… [Psycho screaming because reasons] You sure everyone understood he’s the bad guy? Can’t we make that even more obvious? [More psycho screaming] Unfortunately, though the next competition is coming, Tezuka, the team captain, can’t play anymore, because his famous technique, the… [Southern accent] meaning the righthanded backhand! …will worsen his injuries, thus he can’t use it anymore unless it’s a case of plot climax. [ringbell] Hello! I have a cliché for Mr. Grenier! Ah, yes, put it here with the other ones! The fate of the entire club will now be decided by Echizen. [PREDATOR ALERT] The great tennis competition begins, directly starting with the game against Yotei, the strongest team. [Yeepeeee] [Weeeee] […] What? Never seen a tennis match? Despite their amazing antics, Segaku’s team starts off wrong and can’t dominate the game. So they decide to change strategies and to play normally, and they still lose. I won’t get into the details of the game, we have curling shots, the nerd calculating everything, teleportations, infired balls, but this one is my favourite: And the referee stops counting at 30-0 for the first set because the fuck can you do when you see this? ‘Once more, wind didn’t stop blowing.’ The movie should’ve been about him! I don’t give a fuck about the brat who lost his eye, he’s an asshole! He’s the one I want to see! ‘Once more, wind didn’t stop blowing.’ Plus he’s so handsome! In short, the competition goes by, sometimes the nice guys win, sometimes the bad guys win… And then Mr. Fingers-Snapping comes back. It works both ways! This man is a hero! He fights against Tezuka, Seigaku’s captain, who, of course, soon needs to quit the game because of his injury. Still, I mean he has a fucking telekinesis power which attracts the balls, but well. The others do crazy things touching the balls, but he doesn’t even need to touch them. And of course all hopes are on Echizen to win the competition against the bad guy. The one who was screaming under the moon. So, after a brief exchange in which he realizes how strong Echizen is, he decides to go full power. ‘Damn kid, you dare underestimate me’ Awww look at that! He’s wearing a pirate shirt! Who’s the bad guy? Who’s the bad guy? The bad guy! The bad guy! Yes, that’s him, he’s the bad guy He’s only wearing black, he’s a bad guy Did you get it already? Tch! Happens everyday in Brittany. [TN: French region] Of course, since he’s the bad guy, he starts trying to break his opponent’s legs… Excuse me, I was checking the rules, and actually… ‘Shut up! You’re too noisy!’ So, throwing a ball at the audience… Ah, you can do that! Okay, let’s just call the cops, now they’re hostages not an audience. Eventually, Echizen gets back up and his knee heals itself because… Japan? And he manages to win the match thanks to… Well, tennis. That’s… kinda lame for a climax. I mean, in a nutshell, the last ten minutes of the movie go like this: Okay, but if they can control planets and wind’s strength then why does it end like… Tennis? It’s like if the fights in DBZ ended up with Judo. ‘Heyyy stop! Stop it, ouch!’ There, it was Prince of Tennis! Let’s just have a moment of silence for the ball boys… ‘I’ll get it!’ I actually like this movie, I think it’s totally dumb but in a good way. For example, in Shaolin Soccer, it’s non-sense but it’s intentional, it’s a comedy. But here, they’re all serious as fuck which leads to this very dumb yet very funny effect. But this movies has a good budget and all for the special effects. So let’s see what could be the same thing, but without money. Let’s go with Sailor Moon! It starts with a beautiful Christmas evening and a girl singing on her balcony… …off-tune. When suddenly, a plushy falls from the sky and starts talking to her. ‘It won’t get off! What’s this?’ ‘So-sorry! Don’t be afraid, please.’ ‘Heyyy! Does anyone know where the money left?’ So the cat gives her a cellphone, puts its paw on it and here she is, turned into a moon warrior. ‘Don’t worry! Just follow my instructions.’ Yes, trust this talking plushy. Well, of course, no questions to ask! It’s an alien?
Should I run away?
How a cat can talk?
Why his mouth doesn’t move when he talk?
What I was doing on a balcony alone on Christmas eve? Why a junior high school uniform? I’m 23
Why this skirt is so short?
I’m cold now dammit!
Why must I purchase criminals?
Why must I purchase criminals with high heels? It ain’t practical! Is it black magic?
Am I drunk or did uncle Henri drug me again?
Is it a male or a female?
If it’s a male, does it mean he put his testicles on my face? And right away, she decides to go and arrest a thief with her new powers. -Pink!
-White? And after a brief fight… ‘And it was white!’ …she eventually wins. We’re 5:45 in the first episode of the first season. I mean, at the eighteenth episode of the ninth season I’d understand the weariness and all… But here I can’t help imagining the staff doing this: ‘Fuck it, let’s keep it.’ The story starts with Bunny, Usagi in Japanese, and… The fuck are you eating? Well, if they eat paint, it explains why they can talk with plushies. It’s like in the anime: Usagi the cliché of the always daydreaming girl but who’s full of energy and while we’re at it, I’ll only talk about the scenario, not about the director’s strange choices, like ‘oh, I’ll make a fisheye here, for no reason’. The town is currently suffering from a high rate of crimes, so Usagi and her friends decide to dress up as Sailor V – the girl from the beginning – to try and arrest the thief. Dressing up as cops would’ve been way more efficient, but well. The problem is, the bad girls are already here. ‘Ok, we know what’s in there. Let’s do our report to the boss.’ Okay, they have leather jackets and a motorcycle, but still, the eclipse is missing. But the real Sailor V with her stuffed cat and the Tuxedo Mask are watching from the roofs… For fuck’s sake, just look at all the sadness in there! [Gray sky, scaffolding, air conditioners, grey building] And I think we just reached the limit of live action, you know, in Prince of Tennis, they may have super powers but it’s still just guys playing tennis, so it’s okay. But here, you can really feel the gap anime/reality. ‘Oh my gosh, the Tuxedo Mask is so cool!’ ‘Oh no, look, a crazy man is gonna jump off the roof…’ You can almost imagine the guy taking the bus to go home afterwards. So, the bad girls sneak in the museum to rob it, but Usagi and her friends get in the way. But the bad girls think they are allies of the real Sailor V, so they decide to capture them. And of course they can’t fight agaisnt so much… …confettis. So Usagi arrives with an extinguisher to save them, and… Wow! That was the most efficient action I’ve seen in the entire series! That’s how magical girls should be! ‘You’ve been really mean! So in the name of the moon, I’m going to… kill you.’ Eventually, the bad guys take Usagi to their base because she swallowed the key of a safe deposit box, and they… do some magic trick? Okay… Okay, the box, yes, very well… What the fuck are you doing? And just as the bad guy is about to kill her, the real Sailor V arrives and starts the lamest fight I’ve ever seen. Beware! She’s got fluorescent plastic tubes! Yeah, and it was worth the scene in slow motion, you know, so we can follow the action. Okay, don’t you want to drop your turnip? Drop that thing. Drop that thing! ‘Stop that’ ‘Thank goodness!’ The bad guys got arrested and the episode is ending, just drop that thing! What are you gonna do with it anyway? Don’t answer. The episode ends with a fight between Tuxedo Mask and Sailor V and Luna arriving on Earth. What if it starts burning when it enters the atmosph- Oh fuck! Fortunately, Luna, which has a furr made of scenario-hairs, survives her 384 400 kilometers fall and meets Usagi who happens to be the future Sailor Moon. Usagi then doesn’t make it in class on time and has to clean the classroom as a punishment, but fortunately, her friend Naru comes to help her. [Naru-chan? You’re still here?] [I wasn’t going to abandon my friend!] …Ah, no, I thought. After that, Usagi and Naru visit Naru’s mother who’s a fashion show organiser and who has to organise a huge fashion show for the next day. So Naru decides to prepare something to eat for her for the next day, not knowing that naughty tentacles have invaded the place. As planned, Naru goes back to see her mom but the latter forgot that her daughter had suggested to bring her a meal. And thus she comes to the perfectly logical conclusion that a demon came on earth and is now possessing her mother. Good job! Well done! [You’re not my mom!] And of course it can’t be because she forgot or because she doesn’t give a fuck because she has a huge fashion show in an hour! Either she’s the best detective in the world, or she’s completely paranoid. ‘Fuck, where did I put my keys? I forgot…’ [Dramatic music being dramatic] Panicked, Naru runs away and asks a sweeper for help who actually happens to be… ‘Lady, lady Oscar!’ Meanwhile, Luna, whose 3D animation budget seems to fluctuate as much as stock market values, tells Usagi that she is Sailor Moon and gives her her moon warrior equipment. [Usagi-chan, let’s save Naru-chan together.] [Vibrating sound] Yes? I’ll call you back later, I’m filming. And Usagi, thanks to her new equipment, defeats the enemy. We’re not going to talk about everything, okay? The third episode is like in the anime: she meets Mizuno who will become Sailor Mercury. Okay, I had a crush on her in the anime but now I just feel dirty. ‘A diamond in the rough…’ And it goes like this, Mars, Jupiter, etc. Well, the series does have some sort of charm but I think you really need to be a hardcore fan of the anime to actually enjoy it. But well, it’s true that it has this sort of amateur charm, but since it’s not supposed to be amateur, I’m not sure it’s a compliment. You should also know that these series often lead to live show. So yeah, I wasn’t surprised to see Sailor Moon, since Sailor Venus is a singer, it’s legit, but… Prince of Tennis? And this, my children, was the day man invented lip-syncing. And it doesn’t stop here! I think there are musicals about every possible anime. Naruto, One Piece – which I kinda want to watch because it looks really cool – and even older stuff like Saint Seiya. Yeah, that’s Saint Seiya. I think she’s one of the servants in Athena’s mansion. More like Marc Dorcel’s mansion, obviously. [TN: porn director] Here, this episode is over! In the end, dramas, and particularly anime-inspired live actions, are just for me one more unnecessary constraint. Something easy to do in an anime becomes hard to do and what’s cute becomes creepy. Awww~ :3 Awww~:3 Same thing for the looks! Just look at Chigusa in Glass Mask I can accept her looks in the anime, but here she just looks like a sith lord. So, do I like it? Well… I don’t know, I feel like I’m always just looking for the things I’ve already seen in the anime, like ‘oh yeah, that’s like in the anime!’ and ‘oh, that too is like in the anime!’ At this rate, better I just watch the anime. [u no nothin dramas r greit lmao u were funier when u were fat i unsuscribe] My gosh, so it was that simple! Subtitle made by the guys whose names are in the description below


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