Movie Theater Meltdown

(door creaking) – Dad? Dad? Dad? – Why would you bring
your daughter to this? There’s a graphic sex scene in this movie. – Really? My dad took me to see Wild
Things when I was seven because he didn’t want
to have “the sex talk.” And then, I saw a vagina, and I was like, “get the fuck outta here.” – Oh, great parenting. Did you turn your phone off, Michael? – Let me put it on, Do Not Disturb mode. – I actually like full
Airplane mode because then– – Yeah, I hate this conversation. – Okay, shh! It’s starting. – Okay. (phone beeps) (phone clicking) (exhilarating movie music) – Excuse me, sir? Do you mind not using your cellphone? – Sorry. – Cool. (phone ringing) – Hello? Oh, hey girl! Just at the movies. I can talk. What’s up? What?! (man sighing) How dare he! (foot banging on seat) No! That is awful! You know he’s a disgusting pig, and you deserve better. (straw sucking empty cup) (chewing loudly) (coughing) (foot banging on seat) (wrapper crinkling) (laughs loudly) (candy rattling in box) (wrapper crinkling) (noisy sounds accumulating) He did not! (heavy bass dance music) (sighing) (straw sucking) (popcorn crunching) (wrapper crinkling) (candy box rattling) (phone ringing) (dry coughing) (phone clicking) (loud cackling) (phone clicking quickly) (woman gasping loudly) I knew it! (dry coughing) – Excuse me (baby crying) Excuse me. Excuse me. (baby sobbing) Excuse me. Excuse me. – Aw no! Don’t go in there! (clanking on a cowbell) (noises come together rhythmically) (groovy rhythmic dance music) – Will you shut the hell up?! (clanking cowbell off rhythm) You’re in public, and you’re doing private things that are annoying to do in public! This is not your living room! (clanking quietly) No. You. Stop it. Get the hell outta here. (clanking quietly) Thank you! (sigh) – [Woman in audience] Rude! (foot banging on seat) (whip cracking) (hooves galloping) (upbeat country-polka music)


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