Is it getting difficult now, to stand up and sit down and get off chairs? Now you’re.. now you’re really old. Rosie, I’m not really old! Wh—wh—what?? Unexpectedly mean! Okay, do you wanna just throw open insults? Is that what this video’s gonna be? Okay! It can be.
– Alright then! Sometimes when you roll over in bed, your breath smells and I have to roll the other way. Yeah, well, I’m getting my wisdom tooth removed, and then that won’t happen anymore. What’s it made of, evil? ♪ (Group hug!) ♪ D’you know what? That has actually tainted the video. I was gonna sit down with my cup of tea, and talk to our audience, and talk to each other- But who made you the nice cup of tea? Well, you did. Well, so, it’s gonna be great video. Drink the tea. Okay—! Why can’t I make a good cup of tea? (scoff) You’re the worst. First of all…
– Try not to orgasm over it! I-
– I’m just asking you a question! I think part of it is that your parents drink a lot of coffee. And they make you a lot of coffee- slurp it, why don’t you. Have I ruined… No, you actually haven’t. It’s still glossy as fuck, so. Thanks. Pour the water in. You gotta get it to the exact level, and that depends on the cup. Okay? Your ratio of water, and then you’ve got your milk ratio. HEY!!
– Yeah? Hey! I didn’t go for the face! That’s a whole different kettle of fish.
– But you did it twice! Yeah, but I did it to see if I could elicit a reaction. I did. I got an aggressive one back.
– You got one. Obviously.
– Who would’ve thought. Oh, I’ve got hair in my eye. Have I got hair in my eye? ROSE HELP ME.
– I don’t know, I can’t se—!! AHHH!! Rose, what’s going on! Aahhh!! Rwarhhhh!! Rose! RRAHHH!!
– If you want me to help you, you gotta stop being so funny. Okay. I think I’m having my, like.. coming-out-now-through-Kristen-Stewart, now. I’m going through it! But like, I really feel like I’m suddenly coming out because of her, because she’s—
– As gay? …No. No.
– As gay? I finally feel, this year— we do want to bring this up, Rose—
– …That the phase is over. No. I do feel like… I’m the most bi-est- yeah.
– Do you think I’m horrible to you? I’m the most bi-est I’ve ever- not ‘biased’! Biased? Biased towards what, exactly…
– Bi… est. Nonono. I feel like I’m the most bi…
– Biased. …I’ve ever been in my life, right now. Why?
– Because I feel like… I’ve always been comfortable saying I’m bi, because I’ve said it from a very young age, at school, I’m like, yeah I like boys and girls, like whatever, like that girl’s fit, whatever. I was always open with it, but I’ve-
– But if you had to choose. But I feel like now… …I’m more bi. Yeah.
– Really? So you … what? I can’t even imagine you with a boy, now. I can’t even, like, I can’t even see it. I can. Can you imagine me with a boy?
– No. Why?
– But you’re a lesbian. So it’s different. So no.
– Okay, but, imagine it. Imagine me on ‘Dancing with the Stars’. With a male dance partner.
– I think you’d be great. Really!
– Yeah. Not Normani-standard, but I think you’ll be…. good. I could do it.
– I think you’d be really good, actually. Really!
– Yeah. Do you think I can dance? I haven’t tried.
– Yeah. But, exactly. They train you. Do they?
– Yeah. I thought they picked people with a dancing background.
– Well… They pick some people with a dancing…
– No? I must be wrong. You look very pretty today. Thanks, babe. So do you. I love you. I think you’re alright, too. Joking, I really love you. This is my second cup of tea. I’ve eaten lunch and breakfast and I haven’t poo-poo’d today. It’s okay, I did a whole… I swear I went a whole day yesterday not pooing. It bothers me that our friend Liv doesn’t talk about poo.
– I know. It upsets me.
– It upsets me. I’m like, talk about it or leave the friendship.
– Yeah, me too. She’s really really funny about it. I know. Some people…
– You think she had a traumatic experience? Probably. But it can’t be as bad as sending your poo in the post to the wrong person!
– (gasp) Do you think she’s got- Oh, yeah. True. You think someone pooped on her? When she didn’t know! Babe, do you think she remembers when she walked in on me pooing that one time that we still haven’t discussed with her? We’ve got this friend called Liv, who’s really hot, and um- Oh! So you think she’s really hot.
– Uh- no. Why would you say you’ve got this friend Liv- she’s married, and so are you! Yeah, I know, I’m just saying, so people can like, understand… what it’s like, like a description of- Well, the wife’s hot, too, as well. They’re both hot.
– I didn’t say she wasn’t! I didn’t say she wasn’t, but we’re not talking about her.
– What do you think’s hot about her? I like her don’t-give-a-fuck attitude. But then she cares about things like poo, and I think that’s sweet. So you’re saying, you find her personality hot. …Yes? Worser her face.
– That’s worse than looks! Okay, I hate her. We’re never seeing them again. …’Kay, good.
– She’s not invited to your birthday. Yeah, she is. My brother, right, is going to uni for the first time, in September and he’s invited me to Freshers’ Week…
– Has he? And he’s—no—and he’s told me the date…
– Has he invited me? and told me to block them in my calendar. But like… Why would you go to Freshers’ Week and not invite me? Point is, why wouldn’t I go to Freshers’ Week? Am I ten years older than that? Oh my god.
– Not yet. I am. I’m ten years older than eighteen-year-olds. When, when are we old, to like- when-
– I’m ten years older! Well, think about it. We went to a freshers’ week in 20—I’m pretty sure—13 and it was too old then. Yeah. Was that us, in 2013?
– Yeah. Do you remember, we went out in Worcester. Yeah, I did. It was too old then.
– To Freshers’ Week. Yeah, I do remember, that, oh shit. Oh that was shit.
– Oh, shit, wasn’t it. I felt so embarrassed. For you. For you.
– Oh, that was shit. I was having a great—I blended right in. What are you gonna do for my thirtieth birthday, ’cause it’s next year. You really annoy me, ’cause my birthday is in, like… a month. It’s not a milestone birthday.
– So? And yours is a year away
– Yeah. and you’re planning your birthday, because you always do this, you’re like…
– I’ll be entering the fourth decade of my life. My toe’s vibrating right now… Answer it! Ha-toe! Can I ask toe’s speaking please? No. No.
– Didn’t quite work. Question:
– Yeah. would you do Katy Perry?
– Yeah! Many times over. Same.
– Yeah! She’s old. She’s like thirty. If you were trapped in… the fiery heat of hell…
– Mhm. and you could only choose to save…
– Mm. myself…
– Mm. or yourself…
– Yeah. …what would you do? I’d save you. Would you?
– Yeah, ’cause I don’t wanna live without you. ♪ I don’t wanna live — forevv- ♪ ♪ —I don’t wanna liv- ♪ When are you gonna record your new single which we’ve agreed on? Which we’re not telling you what it’s gonna be.
– Give me my guitar. Right now. So I wanted my first legit cover… to be a cover of Ally Hills’ legit first single… right? Now, it might be hard to track down on the internet… ’cause she removed it. I don’t know why, ’cause I’ve never removed it from my brain or heart, but. I wanna say-
– Or your left boob. Nice reference, Rosie. Calm down, don’t get too jealous.
– I’m not jealous. Um, I wanted to dedicate this—
– It was my idea! It is actually your idea.
I wanted to dedicate this to Ally Hills because first of all, I can say safely that she is one of my best friends. And, if she didn’t know that, she does now. I really genuinely love you. And… I know you deleted this song from the internet. So you’re bringing it back.
– So I’m bringing it right back. I don’t care if that’s not okay with you. ‘Cause you know why? I bully Shannon on the internet. And that seems to be fine. So… if you’re not okay with this, that’s also fine. Because I will do what I want, and I will also get away with it. Within… …reason.
– Reason. (strum) That’s not the right— (strum) there you go. Please send me the chords next time, ’cause I’ve been racking my brain trying to find them.
– We could’ve just asked her, but you wouldn’t let me. I’m not gonna ask her because then element of surprise will be completely gone! ♪ So— just give me time ♪ ♪ You can make me change my mind with all— the things you say ♪ ♪ You can make me change my way for AHH!! I need the chords.
– Do you want me to just get the chords? She’s asleep right now.
– I don’t know how we’re going to, no. Let’s just sing it. Why don’t we do an acoustic version?
– Okay. Wait, an even more acoustic version.
– That is acoustic. Do you mean acapella? A capella. Acapella Ally Hills. Ready?
– Okay. Such a really good song. Fucking amazing song.
– I think other than her “Coming Out” song, it’s one of her best songs. Her best song. Yeah, it’s her best song. ♪ You seem so far away ♪ ♪ so— just give me time ♪ ♪ You could make me change my mind with all— the things you say ♪ ♪ you could make me change my way for you— ♪ Wait, you’re gonna smudge my smudgie.
– No, I’m not. More. Why do you kiss me weird?
– Because I’ve got lip gloss on. Don’t wear it. I think you’re a jealous RoPo.. since the song…
– No, no… Yeah you are! You’re way more clingy now. Yeah… That has no correlation. Can I just say, I think you’re very good, with… allowing me to cover a song written by the Dr. Ally Hills.
– It was my idea. And—it was your idea, you’re so good. Question. Would you let me- hm. If, say— mm, I don’t know, like—Lauren Jauregui wrote me a song, and… I responded… alright? ‘Cause she did write that ‘Back to Me’, which was obviously about me. I’ll get back to you. What would you do? Would you be jealous? Or would you let me sing back? I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t stop people writing these songs. So… y’know, I just have the great collection of underwear, and… if that’s not enough to keep you around, well, that’s your problem, ’cause someone else would be very lucky to see that collection. Very lucky indeed. Do you think my underwear collection’s quite good? No. Rosie, say goodbye to the audience. Goodbye. If anyone wants to write me a song, maybe I’ll cover it. Aww. How do you think your song would go, babe? ♫ Rosie ♪ she’s a Rosie ♫ she’s the Rosie-posie-posie-poo ♪ ♫ Rosie ♪ she’s a Rosie and she’s got herself a Rosie too ♪


Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *