My apology for starting drama (PARODY)

Anthony: How should I come up with ideas for my channel now that I have no one and I’m all alone? Dan: You could always start some Youtube drama. (echoing) Phil: You look like, um… a weasel that’s been crying. Phil Lester, you are the last emo on Earth. Your hair is so dark, it makes your skin look way whiter than it actually is. Daniel Howell, Mr. Danisnotonfire. We all know that’s your username. You can’t rebrand now. Daniel Howell, or should I say, “Daniel How else am I supposed to…?” (laughs) Lilly Singh. Are you even a singer? I’ve never heard you sing. iiSuperwomanii. What’s your user name inspired by the wii? Jon Cozart. You haven’t made a video in over six months. Did you become a musician because your last name kind of sounds like Mozart? Well guess what? You’re nothing compared to him. I don’t see you being famous for thousands of years. Gabbie Hanna, AKA TheGabbieShow. You tell story times and guess what? You’re responsible for killing books. If kids weren’t watching you tell these stories, they’d be reading books instead and you’re the reason for failure in today’s education system. Joey Graceffa. Your last name sounds like “grasshopper”. That’s gotta hurt really bad. Here’s my impression of you: “Wow!” HolaSoyGerman, AKA German Garmendia. Your first name looks like the word German and it’s really confusing that you speak Spanish. “Hi, my name is Markiplier, and I have a deep voice.” Jacksepticeye? (error noise) More like JacksepticTANK. Bet you’ve never heard that one before. Stinks in there. Don’t ever get locked into one and get rolled down a hill. Don’t ever get locked inside one of those. Ryan Higa. Your sketches obviously take a long time to shoot and make. So do mine. So why don’t I have as many views? Because you’re hacking. You’re hacking. You have bots and hacks. I can tell. Shane Dawson. Dawson’s Creek? That’s what you named yourself after? I’ve never seen a single episode. For all I know, it sucked. Just like you. Liza Koshy. God, I can’t say anything bad about her. I don’t have anything bad about her to say. Or even remotely. Pewdiepie. Do you call your fans “bros” because you didn’t have a brother growing up? And you wanted a brother? You wanted a brother? I can be your brother. Tyler Oakley. You ever heard about the sunglasses name brand, because there’s already… Your name’s not the first one that comes up when I type in your last name on Google. How does that make you feel? Jacksfilms. Films, huh? I don’t see a single film on your YouTube channel. Trust me, I looked for 13 minutes. h3h3productions. What is h3h3? An element on the periodic table? ‘Cause I’ve never heard of it. Rhett and Link. You two better get up off your high horse. Oh, what’s that? You weren’t on a horse at all, you were just standing and you’re both giants? You are so, so tall. The Fine Brothers… If that’s really your last name. I have something for you to react to: (gunshot) Jenna Marbles. I would laugh if you tripped on a marble. Because I like slapstick comedy. Grace Helbig. More like Grace Helmet. ‘Cause I would need to wear a helmet if I… watched your videos. Because I might fall and hurt myself because I was distracted. David Dobrik. Your vlogs are always exactly 4 minutes and 20 seconds. Is that ’cause… marijuana? David Dobrik? More like David No Dick. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry (repeating). (echoing voices) I am so sorry for these hurtful things that I’ve said in this video… About these amazing YouTubers. They’re all such genuine, nice people and– What are you… Can you just leave the light how it is, please? I shouldn’t have said these things about these YouTubers. They’re such great people. Okay, oh, my God. Can you– Jamie, can you stop? I fired the last camera guy for this shit. Yeah, turn it on again. It looked good. It made me look younger. They’re such geniune– I’m gonna have to add water in my eyes just to make it look like I was crying. They’re such genuine, nice people. I should have never said these things about them. I’ve decided I’m going to stop with this little series that I’ve been doing. Taking advice from other YouTubers. I just, I can’t do it anymore. I’m not going to have any more mental breakdowns. No more- Just no more crying in any videos. Starting this Friday, I’m going to be doing videos not based off anyone else’s ideas. Just… just… I can hear you laughing. Are you mocking me right now? Great, and now I lost all my emotion for this video. I’m gonna have to pour water in my eyes again. I should not have said such hurtful things. Can you just– shshshsh. Now you got me really emotional, thanks. What are you doing? Can you– What is– Are you serious? Oh my God, I can’t, I can’t. (Anthony sobbing uncontrollably) (Sobbing *shirtless*) Go away. (sobbing) Shut up. See you later. Bye, guys. Press a like. (Anthony voiceover) I think I finally understand what it really takes to be a YouTuber in 2017. I’ll be back Friday with the first video of my new journey.

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