On Exhaustion


Good morning Hank, it’s Tuesday. In a stirring
turn of events I have found myself in an airport. Specifically, the Birmingham, Alabama airport:
a great airport in almost every respect. I mean, there’s a playground, it’s spacious,
the food is good, there’s free Wi-Fi. There’s just one fatal flaw: music that I have not
chosen to listen to pipes out of every one of these, and there are thousands of them. I’ve been in Birmingham for just over 12 hours.
I met Looking For Alaska director, Becca Thomas, and took her to my old high school. (She’s
working.) It was really fun. We went to campus in the middle of the night and I took her
to the place I used to smoke cigarettes – don’t smoke – and there was graffiti there that
said “The best is yet to come”, which is one of the very few things in life I believe to
be fundamentally and incontrovertibly true. But now I have to leave Birmingham to go to
New York City. I don’t exactly know why I’m going to New York City – probably to do press
stuff – but anyway, I know that I’m going. And then my tomorrow – which will be your
today – I will be in Indianapolis for the start of the Paper Towns Tour. An I’ll get
to hang out with Nat, and Cara, and Akilah Hughes, and lots of Nerdfighters, and then
we will go on to Columbus and then Dallas; there is info about all the events, which
are free, in the dooblydoo. Oh God, I hate this song so much I have to
find a way out of it – hold on. There’s no way out Hank, the sound is everywhere. Do
you know the song Circle In The Sand? That’s the song and it’s everywhere, it’s literally
everywhere. Look at all of these speakers, it’s killing me. Okay Hank, I think I have found the place
in the Birmingham airport that is literally as far away from a speaker as you can be – which
is still not very far. What was I supposed to talk about today? The
best is yet to come, the tour, the movie Paper Towns opens July 24th, there was something
– oh! Brazil! The movie already came out in Brazil, it had an amazing opening weekend.
Thank you, Brazilian Nerdfighters! I’m glad that people seemed to have liked the movie;
the early reviews are great, which is a huge relief to me. In other news Hank, a-a-as you might be able
to tell, I-I am exhausted. I mean in the old-fashioned sense of the word, like, I feel that I have
been drained out. Like, I realize these are the first-worldiest of first world problems,
but I’m not very good at interviews, and also, I-I miss my family a lot, like I just miss
being home. Like for instance, when I’m at home, I-I-I don’t have to listen to this song.
And yeah, the last month or so has been really exhausting, and there’s still two weeks to
go. I mention this mostly, Hank, because Nerdfighters
seem to have noticed it. Like, uh, more and more in comments they’re like, “You seem tired,
don’t worry if you need to take a break”. And I really appreciate that, partly because
no one else in my professional life is telling me that. But I’m not going to take a break. I’m not
going to take a break from the movie stuff, because it’s almost over, and I don’t have
any, like, contractual obligations to promote the movie or anything, Hank; I just really
like it, and I’m very grateful to the people who made it, and I want to thank them, and
this is the way. And I don’t want to take a break from, from
this, because honestly, this is the thing that makes me feel not exhausted. This is
the thing that, instead of draining me, fills me up. Hank, as you know, for a long time in my life
I would get to a point where I would get overwhelmed and exhausted, and then I would fall into
this spiral where I would do less and less and less, and then eventually I would be doing
nothing, but I would still feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Because the thing is, I didn’t
just stop doing the things that drained me, I also stopped doing everything else – I stopped
functioning completely. So even if I do have to vlog over a soundtrack
not of my choosing, and even if the videos aren’t that good – and I’m sorry if this one
isn’t – I’m going to just keep swimming. Because Nerdfighteria is, in a very real sense, a
big part of what keeps me going. So Nerdfighters, thank you for worrying about
me, but I’m okay, I promise, and I am excited about the tour, because I get to meet some
of you instead of just answering the same 8 questions from press outlets over and over. Hank, I’m going to get on a plane now. This
was a weird video. I’ll see you on Friday. [singing] Old school Vlogbrothers confessional
video.

98 Comments

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *