Our Big Dramatic BREAK-UP | Going There


(seagulls chirping) – (laughter) They’re coming! – [Oskar] And that’s what happens when you give a seagull some of your churro. They all gang up on you
until you give it to them and then you don’t have a churro anymore. Anyway, my name is Oskar, this is Alexa, and we’re on a road trip
all over the country. Having conversations with people about life’s big questions and
today we get back in love but this time from Alexa’s point of view. (lively music) – Hello, so normally I’m
behind the camera for all of this, but today
we’re changing it up a bit. So, this is me. Hi. (lively drums) Okay, I know you have things to do so – Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. – [Alexa] Last time Oskar
told you his story and the questions he’s had with love. But my experience was a little different. I had my own set of questions
and journey to go on. So I just wanted to share it because it couldn’t be more different than Oskar’s and something I wish I’d heard. – Okay, you guys, this is all personal! This is too personal for me! – [Alexa] Alright, so we
met in elementary school, became best friends in junior high, and in high school I officially had my first serious boyfriend, which was a big deal for me
because ever since I was little, I couldn’t wait to fall in love. So, for the next four years
my world revolved around him. It was exciting to have someone
to love for the first time. So when we broke up, I didn’t
know what to do with myself. I thought my life was over. It may seem backwards but what I want to focus on today is the
big dramatic break up and how is was the best
thing that happened to me. – At least for me, um,
I was, or I put a lot of stock in my relationship
that recently ended. – [Alexa] That was Emily. She was the first person we spoke to that I really connected with. She had just gone through a tough break up and I knew what she was feeling. Anyway, in high school
I didn’t really care what people thought of
me, but I did care a lot about what Oskar thought of me. I made most of my decisions based on what he might think about it. I was trying to be the type of girl I thought he wanted, not
being true to myself. And having that mind
set made it so I didn’t have my own thoughts or opinions. I was a person that today
I’d want to knock some sense into and say, “Wake
up, stop being a dummy.” – Am I just doing this for me? Or am I doing it because
I think someone else is gonna think it’s cool
or someone else is gonna think that I should be
doing it or whatever. – To be honest, I wasn’t
really living my life as truly, honestly, and
authentically as I could. – I think a lot of people
are that way to begin with. They don’t question
their life very much and they’re happy with what they’re doing and it’s cool, they don’t
really think about it. But I think for everybody, there’s value in thinking about who you are. – [Alexa] To be honest, I never thought about who I was or felt like I needed to find myself or whatever. Until we broke up. And for a minute I thought he was the missing piece I needed to be happy. – When it went away I found myself being very sad all the time. – And I kept thinking, you know, what is it about me that I need to fix? And this is a big thing
for a lot of people. They think, you know,
what’s wrong with me? – [Alexa] I was frustrated,
scared, confused, sad, happy, disappointed, angry. I knew what I wanted
and I couldn’t have it. Unlike Oskar, I was always
sure of him and sure of us. I never bothered to think: could this really be the one? So I didn’t feel good enough. I thought I was doing everything right so why wasn’t it working? Then, things got pretty
crappy for a while. I mean, I was really really sad. (wailing) But eventually, slowly
that started going away. And I think that was
because I wrote it all out. Side note, keep a journal. It helps, a whole butt ton. So after going through many
journals I figured it out. One, I was trying to be someone I’m not. Two, I was trying to be the
one to make Oskar happy, but at the end of the day,
that’s something only he can do. Which made me realize number 3. I am the only one who can make me happy. And suddenly, it was like
that day in fourth grade when I put my glasses
on for the first time. I didn’t realize how blurry everything was until I put them on. – And it was all about trying to make sure that I was happy with myself. – That’s when I was able to actually go do things and give myself a direction that I wanted and make choices for me. – This needs to be you. You shouldn’t need this to be you. This needs to be you. And then you find another one of these, ’cause you don’t need to make somebody else who they are, either. – [Alexa] So it was
around here after I had my big epiphany that Oskar was
figuring out his own stuff. ‘Cause he showed up at my house one day and told me he loved me. Then we got in the car and here we are. (car starting) (soft guitar music) When we got back together
it was a new relationship. I was a different person and that person didn’t need him, she wanted him. And being on this road trip with Oskar has helped me understand
how we are different, but we can learn from those differences. He’s taught me how to ask questions, even if I think I know the answer. To sing really loud in the car
even if you’re not that good. He’s taught me how to change a tire, to try new food, and
to follow your passion. Before we left, I was
honestly kind of nervous that spending every second of
every day together for almost four months would drive us crazy. But we came home stronger as
a couple and individually, and I’ve never loved
him as much as I do now. (uplifting music) – And you get through the hard times, and you realize you’ve kind of learned and you’ve even grown closer. – You’re gonna spend the rest of your life getting to know each other, you know. And there’s gonna be,
there’s gonna be layers. There’s still layers about
myself that I’m discovering. – You have to love
yourself for who you are, accept yourself for who you are and if you don’t, it’s really
hard to love someone else with that unconditional love. – So what that means is you have to, you have to know about yourself. You gotta know who you
are, what you stand for, what you’re about, and
just be that, you know. ‘Cause you’ll go nuts trying to be everything that you want, you know? – Oh, didn’t see you
there. Thanks for watching. – So, what do you love about yourself? Let us know in the comments below. – In the comments below! ♫ Soul pancake (techno music)

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