What the fuck made me do this for a living? I was always unusually good at musical statues and I could bust a move like Travolta when the music played But really it was that day in bloody Cardiff That guy, painted like a black devil A human statue He was making the crowd laugh by doing almost nothing and was raking in serious money That’s all it took Never hated a day of it getting to be so quiet and still and ready to dance the robot,
make someone jump a few laughs for a few quid That’s a reasonable reward, isn’t it? If they watch you long enough But… right now… all the money in the world couldn’t make me move an inch (Woman screams)
(Squelch) (Man screams) (zombie moans and people screaming) (zombies moaning)
(STILL THEME KICKS IN MENACINGLY) (zombie groans) Seriously… what the fuck is he looking at? I must have held my breath for five minutes If I don’t breathe soon, I’ll pass out (Emphasised sound of breath escaping) Shit! My leg’s cramping. Oh great, and now my nose is itching Focus! (Dramatic music)
Statue: No! Not this way! (Woman screams)
Man: Why are you fucking standing still? (Woman screams in pain)
Statue: Oh thank Christ!Statue: Oh no… (Wheelbarrow Man yells in fear) (Wheelbarrow Man screams)
(zombies groan) (Wheelbarrow Man still screams)
(Wheelbarrow Man screams)
(zombies groan) (Wheelbarrow Man still screams) (Wheelbarrow Man’s screams dies out) Move… MOVE! This is the chance! I am NOT dying today!
(TRIUMPHANT TRUMPET MUSIC) (Loud cracking noise)
Statue: Argh! Balls! (Ominous music)
(Zombie growls menacingly) Argh! Get away! Arse! Fuck! (FAST CHASE MUSIC)
(zombies groaning) Yuck!
(guts splat on floor) Ahhh! (pants)
(zombie growls) (zombies growling loudly) (zombie growls fade into distance) (Statue laughs) Haha! It worked! Yes! (loud ominous music) (Statue laughs nervously) Oh bugger… (Still theme tune)