Suicide Squad – ralphthemoviemaker


I really didn’t wanna watch this movie. It’s hard to believe this is actually a movie. There are so many talented people attached to it. It has a huge budget, and yet it’s mistakes are so amateur. It seems strange that they would actually release the movie like this. This is another film in the DC cinematic universe And they’re batting 0 for 3 right now I’m aware that some people liked this movie And some people adamantly defend it But I’m really going to do the best I can to break down why everything in this movie is wrong. The Story: The movie starts with all of the characters in prison This guy is in the sewer because he’s an alligator or something This guys’ a fire guy so they put him in water They throw Deadshot in this small cell But, for some reason, Harley Quinn gets all this space and she gets to climb around and shit What? How did she hurt your men? What did she do? She looks like she can barely take on a sandwich Then we cut to their backstories Deadshot had a daughter and he killed people, so that he could take care of his daughter Then Batman shows up To arrest Deadshot while he’s with his daughter, which is retarded. Batman would never do that. How about you wait for him to drop his kid off? How about you wait until he gets home? So then he beats this fucking guy up right in front of his daughter Then he’s about to kill Batman and then his daughter goes Then the police show up immediately. Great job, Batman. Glad they see you really doing Batman justice. Ben Affleck is truly the best Batman. Then we get Harley Quinn’s backstory. Harley Quinn meets up with The Joker, they fall in love in scenes that were cut out of the movie. So all that’s left is two or three lines where Joker goes, “Can I get a machine gun or something?” Then they escape together Then Batman shows up again and arrests them. I’m gonna give the movie points because it shows a woman being punched in the face. I hardly ever see that in films anymore so, I give you bonus points for that. Then, they introduce everybody else in three minutes Even though, Harley Quinn and Deadshot got 15 minutes to explain their backstories Captain Boomerang, El Diablo, and Crocodile Man only get, like 30 seconds. Captain Boomerang robbed a bank, and I guess that’s his thing? A witch, a human crocodile, a guy who shoots fire, and Captain Boomerang has a boomerang and he robs banks. You see the dropoff here, right? These introductions are all framed in this scene where Viola Davis talks to these random guys at dinner This feels like a scene they shot after they finished editing the movie and realized none of this fit or made any sense Then, after we get the scene of Viola Davis, explaining who everyone is and what the plan is We get another scene of Viola Davis explaining who everyone is and what the plan is Then we get ten minutes of scenes not featuring the Suicide Squad at all Time that could have been put toward character development, you know We get some scenes with The Joker, who has nothing to do with the main story really Then everyone’s recruited and they fight to save everybody Even though they are all criminals The entire third act is just, action basically We learn some character stuff, which I appreciate So if were going to move forward from this point, we have to address that this plot doesn’t make any sense Viola Davis needs a force to combat a Superman-esque villain coming to Earth trying to kill everyone And her solution to this problem is to get a bunch of criminals Who have no allegiance to anyone and are most likely, completely fucking nuts And having them defend everyone None of them are remarkable in any way and they could barely fight off each other, much less a Superman-esque supervillian Even when they’re on the mission, they constantly talk about escaping This is exactly why you don’t get a bunch of criminals to do this shit! You couldn’t get other people to fight the witch? You couldn’t call Batman or Flash or Wonder Woman? What the fuck is Captain Boomerang gonna do against this? The only one I would consider the least bit effective, is El Diablo The rest of them can’t do shit, besides shoot guns and punch people What are they doing, different, that the military can’t do? Harley Quinn’s not some fucking martial artist This little segment is called “The Second Act Low Point” See, in the second act of a movie, you have to work out something that happens so that all the characters split up Because on the plot graph, that’s the way it is So the problem is all of these characters are forced to work together and they can’t leave And if they do they die, because the collar that’s attached to them explodes But despite that, they still have to do The Second Act Low Point for the characters Because on the plot graph, that’s the way it is So they all just quit and walk away. You can’t do that! So what is it that was so bad it I made them walk away from the mission? It must be something really bad To make them go “I don’t even care if you kill me… I am going to leave, right now. I don’t wanna be a part of this mission anymore.” Oh. So they were fighting the Enchantress, the whole time. Which should mean nothing to any of them, because they don’t know who that is. They all run away to the same exact location. Which is this bar. Harley pours a few drinks and they all start talking about their problems. This is dumb. Why do you have those letters on you? You thought it was an important thing to bring along? And why do you have them? You don’t work at the prison, you’re just a soldier. Why would they keep the letters from Deadshot, if-
Fuck it. Like, we’re watching a bunch of crazy people have Rational conversations with each other. How this scene would play out is: El Diablo starts telling the sad story about how his family died. And then Harley Quinn would, probably, start laughing. El Diablo would get pissed and start shooting fire out. And then the SWAT guy would come in and sit at the bar. And either Deadshot, or Captain Boomerang would shoot him in the fucking head, and then run away. Killer Croc would, probably, kill someone. It would just be a shit show, basically. The Characters and the Acting: I do not blame any of the actors for their bad performances. I don’t even know if I blame the director, David Ayer. I think everyone just miscalculated, and everyone was given freedom to do whatever the fuck they want. And, as a result, no one is on the same page. So, yes. Bottom line: Very talented actors, all around. I like all of them, except Jai Courtney. He can go fuck himself. But the rest of them are great. And that’s why it’s such a shame their talent was wasted on this shit script. Harley Quinn: She’s crazy, and hot.
That’s her character. She’s, also, the comedic relief, I think. I didn’t laugh at a single thing she said. Which is why I’m hesitant to call her the comedic relief. But other people said she was funny. If you were to cut out Joker, in this movie, Harley Quinn would have nothing. And Joker’s barley a part of it. Joker’s not even, really related to the story. Why couldn’t you just make a movie with Joker and Harley Quinn? Jared Leto even mentioned that there was enough footage to make just a Joker and Harley Quinn movie. Why is she even on this team?
How effective can she, really, be? They tie her up, in this scene, as if she’s Killer Croc. Like, what the hell is she gonna to do? Captain Shovelface: He’s the most useless character in the entire thing. He’s also supposed to be another comedic relief except he isn’t funny, either. Well. I’ll be fair.
He does do one funny thing. That’s funny. If that had been the last time we saw him in the movie,
I would of given this an A plus. But he comes back the scene after, even though he has no motivation to come back. Oh what?
He just ran away to go get a soda and come back? So, besides that, he sucks. And, as if his character wasn’t bad enough, he’s played by one of the worst actors in Hollywood, right now. Slipknot: He’s not even worth mentioning Because the amount of time it’s gonna take me to say this sentence, is more than the screen time that he has in the film. Will Smith: Will Smith plays Will Smith. He’s good at playing Will Smith. What the fuck? Ugh. Y’all ni**as must be crazy, up in this hizzay! So, Deadshot as a character, I guess isn’t That bad. He has, kind of, an emotional core. But it’s not really fleshed out at all. People act as if he has character development,
and that’s not really what it is. He has a daughter and he kills people so he can buy stuff for the daughter. It’s just really basic character development. It’s not enough to make him an interesting person, because he isn’t an interesting person. He’s Will Smith in the Deadshot costume. If we’re gonna talk about a character with heart,
then we’re gonna have to talk about El Diablo: Besides the fact that he shoots fire, he also feels guilty because he killed his wife and kids by accident. This is what makes him the best character in the movie. Because he isn’t cracking unfunny jokes, every five seconds. He, actually, has morality. And, if it had been done correctly, I would have really sympathized with him But the problem is the writing is terrible. Instead of writing an actual dramatic scene,
he kills his family, off-screen. And then they do the generic “Camera slowly pans up as he yells, NOOOOOO.'” He’s not crazy; he’s just very, very dangerous. And I can see how this character can change. The fact that he becomes a hero is plausible,
unlike everybody else. Because the rest of these people are crazy. Katana: What? They introduce this woman, like halfway through the movie. Why didn’t you introduce her earlier? The Witch Lady: She’s a pretty girl, but she has no character. She has no…
Anything, really. I can’t even describe her, because there’s nothing there. The only thing worth note is how silly her walk is.
It makes me laugh, every time. I guess we know where she put her cell phone. If you know what I mean. The Soldier Guy: The Soldier Guy’s OK. His motivation is that he loves the Witch Girl and wants to save her. Their romance isn’t really believable,
because they don’t show it, at all. I’m gonna show you this scene.
This is, literally, how they edited their relationship. Ready? Alright.
If you say so. And then, at the end of the movie He saves the Witch Girl, by killing the Witch. You said crushing the heart of the Witch would kill both of them, but it only kills the Witch. So, if you had done this earlier, does that mean you could have avoided all of this? Alright, fuck it.
Go ahead, leave a comment about how the Witch was invincible. Whatever.
I don’t care. Crocodile Dumbdee: The thing is just retarded. He has no character. He looks like shit.
He doesn’t do anything. He has has no value in the movie,
and I have no fucking idea why he’s in it. The Big Bad Black Bitch: Eh. The Joker: The Joker is the biggest wasted opportunity in the entire thing. What’s even worse is Jared Leto’s
terrible portrayal of the character. I’m not a comic book expert,
but I know that this- -Isn’t The Joker. See, it’s really easy to just say, “The Joker is crazy,”
but The Joker isn’t just crazy. He enjoys chaos. That’s why in the comic book version of Joker
he treats Harley Quinn like shit. I don’t even know if I’d buy this romance
between Harley Quinn and Joker. Because Joker is so fucking nuts,
why would he even fall in love with anyone? I always saw it as Joker thought
Harley Quinn as another henchman That he could use and abuse. Not that Joker, actually, loved her. If you’re willing to buy that, then fine.
I guess I can buy it too. But it’s like people who didn’t understand The Joker as a character, wrote and designed the character. He’s a damaged guy, so let’s
wright “Damaged” on his forehead. He doesn’t like Batman, so lets have a tattoo of a bat symbol with a knife through it. In the film “The Dark Knight” Chris Nolan and Heath Ledger
took as much time as possible, both on and off screen, developing his character. So he could be as intricate
and interesting as possible. The Dark Knight takes up so much screen time To show The Joker isn’t just a crazy guy. He embodies chaos.
He’s an idea. In this movie, they don’t have the time,
or the talent to convey this. So they just have The Joker say, literally, “I’m an idea.” I guess it’s too late now, but they really should have done a solo Joker and Harley Quinn movie. How about you really work with Jared Leto
to craft the best version of Joker you possibly can? I don’t give a shit if he gave out gifts to the entire cast, in character. What is he about? Prove to me- The guy watching the movie-
that he isn’t just a “Oh I’m Crazy Guy.” What bothers me even more is that
they tried to make Joker a sex symbol. That’s the dumbest thing you could have possibly done. The Joker isn’t sexy. The Look: This is one of the ugliest looking
movies I’ve seen in a while. Even though its a fun comic book movie, or so they say, the film has the color palette of Son of Saul, which is a movie about a concentration camp in the Holocaust. It’s so dark and muddy.
It’s just an ugly film, with an ugly color palette. And the fact that we go from this, to this brightly colored comic book shit, is just jarring. And maybe, if this movie had been
entertaining, I’d forgive it. Or maybe, if there was a point to it, I’d forgive it. And, as if that isn’t bad enough, half this movie takes place at night and it’s too dark to see anything. The action is poorly shot, and boring. The CGI is horrendous. I’m shocked at how terrible it looks.
Especially the Witch Woman and the Witch Guy. Even the practical effects aren’t good. Killer Croc looks stupid. I guess it’s
better than having a CG Killer Croc. Maybe just cut him out of the movie, entirely. DC is, clearly, trying to make a more
realistic cinematic universe, which is totally fine But when you put this in the movie, kinda
takes away from the realism, don’t you think? Music: I’ve heard many people say that
the music in this film is good… So? They took a bunch of popular music, all of which is good, don’t get me wrong. The soundtrack to the movie is great, but they took all of this music and just shoved it into the movie. None of it fits. They play Bohemian Rhapsody for like two seconds and then they, abruptly cut it off. In the first three minutes of the
movie, they play four songs. Sometimes, it’s out of place and it takes all
of the drama and tension out of the scene. I’m not gonna give this movie credit
because they put good music in it. That means nothing. They didn’t compose the music; they didn’t write the music. They took an interns iPod
playlist and forced it in the movie. Let’s take a look at how Martin Scorsese
incorporates music into his films. A lot of Scorsese’s films are composed of music not composed for the film, exclusively. But it all fits. They match the tone of the scene; they match the pace of the scene. Sometimes they help establish the time period. And some of the lyrics even fit
with what’s going on in the story. Suicide Squad just plays music in the background that has nothing to do with anything. And the audience goes,
“I know that song, I like it! This movie is good!” Before you say, “the music is good,” how about you listen to the original score for the film. And realize that there isn’t a single piece
of memorable music in the entire movie. Bravo, everyone. You took a bunch of good music and put it in your shit movie to trick us into thinking your movie’s exciting. Editing: The biggest complaint I heard about
this movie, before seeing it was that the editing was bad, but what makes the editing bad? What even is bad editing?
Well this is the best example of it. The way this movie is cut makes no sense at all. It’s, essentially, cut like a two hour trailer. Where scenes don’t really start, or end, they just go
from scene to scene with no rhyme, or reason. I looked into it and it turns out this
film was edited by a trailer house. I guess, that explains it. What? Why does this shot last a quarter of a second? They take these scenes between
characters that could be interesting And just remove all the interesting stuff. And all that’s left are a bunch of plot points. There was, clearly, supposed to be a much longer
scene where these two characters, actually communicated, but they just cut it down. They keep doing this wavy filter, whenever
Joker is around, and it looks awful. That scene had no ending,
no point, no progression, no tension. It meant nothing. The continuity isn’t even right. There isn’t a shot of her sitting down,
they just cut and she’s sitting down. So, what was that scene? The thing is, when this movie has “Almost Scenes” That’s what I’ll call them. I won’t call
them scenes, I’ll call them “Almost Scenes.” When this movie has “almost scenes,” it isn’t that bad. Because we get a glimpse into characters and how they talk and interact with each other. But then they just cut to something stupid. There’s this rule called “Show, Don’t Tell”
I’m sure you’ve heard of it before. Basically, tell your story with the visuals, and not by having a bunch of characters give exposition. But the editing in this movie is
so bad, that’s all they could do. No. Marvel versus DC: The general consensus among stupid DC fanboys is that Marvel fans are dumb And want the same schlock every movie. While the consensus among stupid Marvel fanboys Is that DC fans like the movie before they even see it Because they love DC so much that
they don’t want to judge the movie fairly. And I can, certainly, see where both of these groups are coming from. And maybe, if they hadn’t been so immature and condescending, I would hear them out. Besides the fact that these movies are based on comic books, they should have nothing to do with each other. Because they’re completely different. DC is, certainly, trying to follow
the business model of Marvel: Make a series of films that all connect
with each other and tell one giant story. But Star Wars is doing the same thing. Marvel is fun, crowd-pleasing entertainment and, for what it is, it’s good. It isn’t high art. They’re not masterpieces.
I don’t hate DC because I love Marvel. I like watching good movies.
DC is not making good movies. The problem isn’t that these films are dark, either. The problem is that, when judging these films on their own merits, they fail as films. They’re incoherent, boring, ugly,
poorly thought out cash grabs. DC now thinks it has to be like Marvel
and throw in a bunch of color and humor Hoping that would fix everything,
when that was never the problem. This is the first DC film that’s trying to be like Marvel, where it’s, actually, fair to compare it to Marvel. Because it’s trying to do what
Marvel does, just much worse. It’s trying to be like Guardians of the Galaxy. You don’t have to be like Guardians of the Galaxy
to be good; that was never the problem. I hear people saying that Wonder Woman is gonna be good because there’s color and humor How about the story? How about the characters?
How about the acting? How about the editing? Until DC, finally, realizes that they have fucked up the basics of film making, They are never going to make a good film. Say whatever you want about Marvel movies.
None of them are perfect. But they’re at least competent. At least you care about the characters. At least they make you feel something. DC doesn’t have to be like Marvel to be good.
In fact, that’s what’s making it worse. And that’s what’s holding this film back
from being something more interesting. Do your own thing DC, just do it well. Hi Ralph.
Jesus Fucking Christ It’s Zack Snyder. What? Are you here to have another fucking shootout? I don’t think I have any guns. I also don’t have a squib for us to use,
I left that at home. So, if we’re gonna fight, there’s
gonna have to not be any blood. And also, if we’re gonna fight,
let’s not make a fucking mess like last time. Because you got fucking blood all over my wall-
I’m not here to fight you. Then what are you here for? See, after everyone panned Suicide Squad, I blew up the planet and flew off into outer space. Turns out, that was just a dream I had. And, when I woke up, there was a man. The man was coming through a time portal. There was a bunch of electricity everywhere, and he kinda looked like The Flash. That’s the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard.
Do you know what the man told me? He said “Ralph is the key.” What? You’re the key. I wanna show you something. Follow me. OK. What is this?
Just trust me. And I’m calling out all the fucking stupid haters. Including some bitch
Ralph-the-Movie-Retard-Maker-Dumbfuck Your taste on anything is, pretty much, irrelevant-
You suck Nolan’s cock too, but yeah. The excellence in DC movies Makes Marvel cock sucking bitches jealous. Because it exposes Marvel for what shitty movies they make- And their movies are shitty. Like I said, besides Iron Man one, and Hulk,
after that, their movies, pretty much, went to shit. Do you know what this is? Some DC fanboy.
It’s funny, right? I think he might, actually, have a mental disability So, it’s not that funny. But, if he doesn’t, then, I guess, it’s kinda funny-
No! Not him, dumbfuck. The passion. The rage. The anger. For your movie. Yes, but it’s not from a place of love. It’s from a place of hate. If everyone loved the movie just as much as him,
there would be no passion. I need you. And you need me. You can never get rid of me. Because, without me, You’re nothing. It’s beautiful. If that’s what you wanna call it.

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