“Derpys childhood birthday” Written by
Billbooks “But Mom, I really want him to come!” Derpy
Hooves begged, on her knees, her voice ringing across the small house.
“I’m sorry, but it’s not happening, and that’s final! I know it’s your birthday, but that
doesn’t just mean that everything is of your choice. And besides, that sweet little filly
Pinkie is throwing your party. Isn’t that enough?” her mother said, strain in her voice
from saying the exact same thing a million times to her daughter. It was her birthday
tomorrow, but Derpy wasn’t satisfied, since her best (if not only) friend wouldn’t be
coming. She pouted, slowly going to her room, her argument lost. It wasn’t fair, not at
all. She got up into her bed and sat there, daydreaming. Her mother had sounded pretty
serious, but she could always get her father to change her mind.
She jumped off, and trotted out the door to where her father currently was, at the store.
As she entered, she heard someone snicker quietly. She looked behind herself to see
a young Pegasus pointing her out to his friends, laughing at what they saw.
“Ha! Look at the freak’s eyes!” Derpy quickly went into the store, hiding
her eyes from anypony. She kept going, not paying attention to where she was, until she
bumped into an old mare, who yelled out as her cane slipped from her grasp. She fell
onto a pyramid of towels, all of which collapsed. “Oh… I’m so, so, so sorry!” She slowly backed
away from the scene as the store manager ran out to help. Her cheeks went red as she slowly
walked away. She sighed. “Why am I such a screw up…”
She sneaked back to the front of the store, acting as if none of the accident had just
happened. It was then that she took in the details of the market. The floors were shining,
and the shelves held numerous items, such as foods, goods, and other ingredients. Above
all else, Derpy peered at the very top of first aisle’s shelf. She licked her lips,
forgetting about what happened earlier, thinking of how good it would taste, how delicious,
scrumptious, flavorful, rich, and savory they would be. She stared at it’s bronze surface,
and the sparkling stars of blue that were embedded into the top. “Muffins!” she squealed,
immediately staring at them, her mouth watering. Droplets of reflective saliva dropped from
her mouth, reproducing an image of the treats above her head. She immediately started working
her tiny wings, her hooves slowly raising above the floor. She kept staring at it, going
faster, coming closer, and closer, and closer, until…
Bonk! She crashed into a brown wall, spinning back
towards the ground. The brown wall retracted, and Derpy followed its path to a brown stallion,
going miles a minute saying apologies.
“Oh, jeese, are you hurt? Are you okay? How many muffins am I holding up?” He held up
two muffins, waving them across her eyes. Derpy immediately jumped up and chomped on
one, taking a large bite out of it’s glistening top.
“Mmm! Thank you, Mister!” she stated, getting back up. Her legs wobbled a bit, but the stranger
laid a hoof on her, steadying her. She inspected him more thoroughly now. He had a chocolate
colored mane, with a lighter colored fur. His cutie mark resembled an hour glass, and
he wore a green tie. Being shy, she immediately started to trot off to find her father. Then,
a light bulb came on in her head. She turned around and jumped at the kind stranger. “Oh,
oh! Do you want to come to my birthday party?” “Why, when is it?” he replied, smiling at
“I’ll gladly come!” He paused for a moment because she stared at him for a moment, or
at least it seemed so with her eyes. “Well?” she asked after the moment of stasis.
“You aren’t gonna just walk away or make fun of me?”
The stranger looked at her, puzzled. “Why would I do that?” Derpy opened her mouth,
but decided against saying something. “What’s your name, Mister? Mine is Derpy!”
She asked, bouncing around him. “I’m the Doctor,” he said with an air of confidence.
Derpy stopped for a moment, waiting for him to finish.
“The doctor of what?” “No, I’m the Doctor.”
“Of what?” “No, I’m the Doctor,” he repeated, putting
more emphasis on the. Now it was Derpy’s turn to look puzzled.
“I’m just gonna call you Doctor!” she said. “You wanna come home with me?” She had completely
forgotten of her father, and she really didn’t need his opinion since Derpy had someone to
replace the open slot of her birthday party. “Sure, I really was just browsing,” he responded,
walking with her. He almost had to run to keep up with the excited little pony ahead
of him. The afternoon sun slowly retracted as the day went on. The Doctor and Derpy continued
on to her home. * * *
“So, now that you know, let’s play a game of Chess,” the Doctor said, reconstructing
the brown-and-black board’s pieces. The sun was going down, making the sky a hue of orange.
The two ponies were in Derpy’s room. A muffin-shaped clock sat above them on a beige wall, outlined
with dark wood. Derpy was sprawled across her bed, a small mattress atop a polished
wooden frame with teal blankets and white, fluffy pillows. The Doctor sat down on one
of the pillows at the end of the bed, the board between them. Behind him was a long
table, on top of which were some of Derpy’s belongings and pictures. The Doctor was trying
to explain how to play Chess, but Derpy didn’t grasp the rules. He finished arranging the
pieces. “You go first, Derpy.” “Okay!” She grabbed the horse piece, and ran
it around the board, crashing into all the other pieces! Every single piece was in utter
disarray when she was done. “Did I win?” she asked, beaming.
“Er… Not exactly.” A knock sounded on their door, and Derpy’s mother put her head in the
door. “Sweetums? I believe it’s time to go to bed
now.” “Okay, Mom! Bye, Doctor!” She hopped to the
head of the bed and slid under the covers. “Good bye, Derpy,” he said, walking out the
door. He passed Derpy’s mother, and walked out into the street, and then disappeared.
“Good night, Derpy,” the mother whispered, closing the door and turning off the light.
Derpy was encompassed in blackness. Everything was silent, and she slowly fell asleep.
The next day… “Derpy… Wake up, Derpy…”
She shifted in her sleep, woke up, and saw her mother’s face looking down at her. A white
smile was on her face, and next to that smile was another, which belonged to her father.
It wasn’t white, with the red and purple jam stains and what-not, but it was still a great
sight to wake up to. “Happy Birthday!” they declared in unison,
their smiles infectious as Derpy’s mouth twisted into one.
“It’s my birthday!” she squeaked, immediately awake and jumping around the room. She bounced
off the walls in euphoria before getting tuckered out. She stared out the window and saw one
of the greatest things she’s ever seen. Tables formed a rectangle outside, each one with
a muffin-pattern cloth. They held gifts, food, and more. Some of her mother’s friends were
there, as well as their kids. But above all else, the Doctor stood in the middle, holding
his present rather than putting it on a table. Farther on was Pinkie Pie, with a large audience
watching her juggle ten party hats, throwing them out to ponies as she went. Her hair was
a bright pink mess, and she wore a party hat saying Happy Birthday, Derpy! Over her head
were steel poles soaring upwards, with strings connected them, having bright flags on them.
Even further were their neighbors’ homes, the town hall, Sugar Cube Corner, more houses,
and the mountains that were far, far away. “We hope we did enough, sweet heart!” the
father said, giving Derpy a ride on his back. He trotted out the door, down the stairs,
and outside, her mother following. “Here she is everyone! The birthday girl has arrived!”
Everyone glanced up, feigned a smile, then went back to talking amidst each other, not
giving the slightest care in the world, since they were only here from Derpy’s mother’s
request. Derpy really didn’t know anypony there, but there was one stallion that she
did, and he was right in front of her. Derpy jumped off her father’s back, flew into the
air, and glided towards Doctor Whooves, who greeted her with open arms.
“I’m so glad you came!” she exclaimed, a muffin already in her hand.
“Don’t talk to me just yet. Pinkie’s approaching,” he replied, shushing her for Pinkie’s upcoming
song. Pinkie Pie approached them, juggling muffins
now and running on a beach ball, spinning it to move. She opened her mouth into a great,
big, beaming smile and started singing in a fast pace.
“Hey, guess who’s birthday it is today? It’s your own, and no happiness will be put
at bay! Today is your day, and you can do what ever
you like, Because anyone saying otherwise can just go
take a hike! But what is your name, what is your name?
Parties with names are never the same! If you tell me, you’ll get an icee or a slurpee!
Oh, what’s that? Your name is DERPY!” Confetti exploded around her, and she danced
around Derpy, throwing muffins into the air so that Derpy could fly and get them. The
happiness on her face was more than Pinkie’s. Once she finished off the muffins, the Doctor
walked up. “Here, this is something that I thought you’d
like.” He put the present on the ground. Derpy stared at it before putting her hooves on
it and tearing it apart. Inside the paper was a box. She opened it, and was blinded
by the light from inside for a moment. Her eyes adjusted, and she shifted the box so
the sun didn’t glare off the object inside. She dumped it onto her hoof to see a small
key that read T.A.R.D.I.S. “Um, what is it?” she asked, confused.
“Here, follow me,” he responded, walking behind their house. Her dad was busy doing something,
and her mother was in the middle of a conversation with another mare, who was mocking Derpy’s
eyes before a harsh slap was delivered to her by the mother. “I am going to show you
the most amazing thing you’ll ever see.” He covered her eyes, and walked her over. “Tada!”
he exclaimed, removing his hooves. Derpy was confused once again, because what
stood in front of her was a blue box with white windows around it, and the top of it
said POLICE PONY BOX. “I still don’t get it,” she said, one eye drooping down.
“Ah, but that’s because you haven’t seen the inside. I’ll only show you a peek.” He opened
the door of the blue box just a crack, and Derpy gasped in amazement to see a huge room
with technology everywhere. “This is the TARDIS, which is partially my home. You may enter
it when ever you like with that key. But not today. After all, you still have a lot of
partying to do, don’t you?” He flashed her a smile.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” she screamed out, flying circles around him.
They both walked back to the front, and kept partying. Derpy never mentioned to her parents
of the box, but after that day, she did go inside it, and it turned out that it was a
time traveling device. They traveled far and wide for the years that came, solving problems
and learning lessons. The End ”Hello everypony snogwritts here congratulations
for making it to the end of this video, as always I definitely enjoyed reading this fic
to all of you. Alrighty then lets start reviewing this fic Ok so heres this Now this fic starts with the drama between
Derpy and her mother which is a great way to start this fic, not only would it get the
reader interested, but they would want to read more too see whats going on and I believe
thats a very good strategy to hook your reader. The author did do a great job writing this
fic because the plot overall flows, but not entirely. What really bugs me as the reader
is the fact that in that one scene where Derpy was with the doctor in her room, at the time
when I was reading it didn’t really make sense. Why? Well specifically, the author
didn’t explain how a mother would let a grown stallion that’s completely a stranger
to play with her daughter. This is an example of a missing detail, and notably enough, its
a common mistake. Make sure to explain why things happen in a short brief explanation
or a long one so the reader doesn’t hang on to get confused. Out of all costs you definitely
don’t want to make the reader confused as it will motivate them to stop reading. As
imaginative as writing could be, you still need to stick to reality so make sure to keep
that in mind. In fact, details in the story can use some more figurative language to make
the story interesting as well as descriptive words. This will not only develop the tone
this story actually needs more of, but me as the reader felt that a lot of areas can
use more details, especially since I can relate to Derpy as a character actually which motivated
me to keep reading. My suggestion to the author is not only add more details to a lot of areas
, but use Derpy to his advantage because notably enough, Derpy is one of the most relatable
characters you can find in mlp fan fiction today and will help motivate the reader to
keep reading I think you can use more figurative and descriptive words. Overall this fic was
ok, but it definitely has a a lot of potential to be a lot better with edits. Alright lets wrap this video up so before
you write something make sure it makes sense so the reader won’t get confused later on
and trust me when I say this it’ll help in the long run. Alrighty then today marks
the third month of the channel and as of this video I have 62 subscribers! Thank you guys
so much for your support it’s been a great three months I learned so much about narrating
and writing and I thank you guys for supporting me on this channel. In fact, I actually thought
about this for a while and I was thinking of making the fanfic reading and the review
separate so not only will you have two great quality videos for the week, but the reviews
will be revamped and have a lot more better quality. Although I assure you this isn’t
really taking place now as I am still sticking to my original formula of making videos and
I still need to consider this idea. Actually fellow viewer it would be great if you can
comment down below your thoughts about this it definitely help me make a final decision.
I think it would be a great Idea to do it so I can get myself into more of the review
portion of fanfics. With that, thank you for listening fellow viewer and if you like the
video please leave this video a thumbs up and if you haven’t already subscribe to
the channel, I upload weekly fanfic reads every Saturday on a variety of genres and
give an analysis after each one. Oh and before I go, I just want to wish everypony a Happy
Mothers Day, show your mother some love buy her a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates
or do what I do and get some cupcakes from Sugar Cube Corner mmm scrumptious and delicious
indeed. Aside from that, I wish everypony a Happy Mothers Day and enjoy the rest of
your weekend. Alright thats it for me this is Snogwritts signing out.