The Hidden Meaning in Mean Girls – Earthling Cinema


Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema. This week we are looking at Mean Girls, the 2004 smash hit written by one-time Vice Presidential nominee
Sarah Palin. A true departure from Palin’s other work,
the film documents the sociopolitical climate of the American “high school,” one of the
most terrifying and dangerous places on Earth. Our protagonist is Cady Heron, a teenaged human female who was raised on the continent of Africa. Africa was inhabited primarily
by animals, so when Cady’s family moves to the American province of Illinois, she must
interact with other humans for the first time. Cady quickly discovers that her posh life
in the plains of Africa could never prepare her for the brutal savagery of the American
public school system. “The girls have gone wild!”
– Teacher We are introduced to their social order in a highly anthropological manner “Cool Asians, Varsity Jocks, Burnouts, Desperate Wannabes… Beware of the Plastics.”
– Janis …much in the same way Cady’s zoologist parents would classify the five animal species of Africa: horses, tall horses, dogs, birds, and… “You’re a lion.”
– Cady’s Dad These subdivisions form the basis of the American
“high school” experience: segregation, ostracization, and humiliation – not necessarily in that order.
Though there are adult humans present, they are largely decorative. The school is controlled
by a student named Regina George. Her first name, Regina, comes from the word
“regis,” which means “king” in Latin, the primary language of Earth. And her last name, George, is a reference to either the British ruler from whom America took its independence or
the clown prince of New York. Either way, royalty. Regina rules with an iron fist, implementing
a strict dress code “On Wednesdays, we wear pink.”
– Karen “You know that I’m not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right?”
– Gretchen …and striking fear in the hearts of anyone who would dare cross her, and most who wouldn’t. “One time, she punched me in the face…

– Student “One time, she punched me in the face…
it was awesome.”
– Student As part of her royal duties, Regina uses an official ledger to keep track of all the females in her class. “I mean that’s just, like, the rules of feminism!”
– Gretchen It becomes a sort of bible, which is appropriate,
since, like Earth’s Christian bible, it’s just a list of people’s names and some rumors
about them. The religion of “high school” is a complicated
one with constantly shifting mores and attitudes, but it basically boils down to this: math
is gross, and clothes are everything. “You look awesome!” “I know, right?” The “American Dream” is to walk confidently down hallways. Also important is their preoccupation with
locking mouths, a pagan ritual meant to indicate approval. But despite the peaceful coexistence of many
disparate groups, there is tension in the ranks. “You can’t sit with us!”
– Gretchen Regina is a dictator continuing in
the footsteps of such noted tyrants as Adolf Hitler, Jimmy Carter, and Julius Caesar. “We should totally just stab Caesar!”
– Gretchen And like them, she would eventually be overthrown. Indeed, as the total annihilation of the human species would later prove, all great dynasties
must eventually fall. As is typically the case, this revolution is spurred by the proletariat. Together, the outcasts stage a coup to oust their leader using undercover espionage, military strategy, and biological warfare. At the end of the film, Regina’s throne has
been usurped and Cady is coronated. However, she rejects the crown, dismantling the monarchy in favor of a new, more egalitarian system: Communism. For Earthling Cinema, I am Garyx Wormuloid. To see more exciting Earth action, hit the subscribe button.

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