The Kapil Sharma Show Season 2 – Ep 104 – Full Episode – 4th January, 2020


Listen..
– No.. How? Come on.. What is it? Okay. What.. Baccha.. What’s going on? This is what he used to say.
Now, we have 11 kids. Please, abide by it?
– No.. Please, abide..
– No, I can’t.. It’s wrong..
– Please, understand. I won’t.. Please?
– No, I won’t.. Ms. Archana.
– Yes. I’m saying since morning
to abide by me but he isn’t listening. Please, you tell him. Baccha, comply with her. Comply with her. She’s saying to bring back
Navjot Singh Sidhu. Don’t comply with her.. What’s going on? You aren’t letting us
sleep as well. Why are you fighting? He wants to know everything. Kapil Sharma, when foreigners
left our country and absconded.. Yeah.
– Then they forgot to flush. That’s what,
we are arguing about that whom should flush it. Flush, eating, washroom.. Do you know anything
apart from this? It just came. Happy? I know it seems.. But I’m very happy because a guest are going
to come to our house. One more? One more? No.. I had my doubts. The amount of rainfall
there was this year he can’t stay quiet. No, a kid isn’t going to come. Yeah.
– Then? My sister is going to come. Really? But let me tell you that she’s coming here
after completing her studies and he isn’t complying. He says, she can’t
stay in our house. Yeah, so I would like
to explain myself. Sure.
– Yeah. My sister-in-law won’t
stay at our house. Wow.
– Wow.. She.. My sister-in-law won’t
stay at our house.. Because there isn’t
any space for her. Wow. Hold on. It didn’t rhyme. When there’s no space
in the house then how do you
expect it to rhyme? If by chance,
it was rhyming as well then make your sister
stay at Mr. Mishra’s house. because I’m not ready.
– Not ready.. When will you get prepared.. Do you have to wear
sari on top of this? How much more do you
have to prepare? For once, imagine a guy without sari, bangles.. Every guy has fascination
with sari, bangles.. I don’t know, what’s with them.. They are fascinated.. If they are like you then they shall wear bangles. What kind of
a brother-in-law is he that he isn’t allowing
his sister-in-law to stay here? Please, make him understand. You have so many rooms,
including your stomach. Give one to your
sister-in-law as well. What’s your loss in it? Then I have few curses as well.
Should I give it to you? Hello, Kusum! Ms. Archana,
she’s my younger sister. Kusum, you came!
– Yes. From where did you get
so much of luggage? This isn’t mine. It’s his. He needed to go to Bhopal so I told him to accompany me and that I would
drop him on the way. So where is Bhopal? I don’t know about that. I told you that I will
drop you on the way. Here is the way
and I dropped you. Am I right? You are a very strange girl. Let’s go from here. Poor them.
– Oh my, Brother-in-law! Brother-in-law..
– How are you? What’s with your stomach? Be careful lest you get as big
as an entire city. Did you see that,
Brother-in-law? I’ve just made an entry and I’ve already cracked a joke
from your kitty. That’s a joke? The real joke
would have been ‘Since you’ve already become
as big as a city’ ‘you better not go
near Sonu Nigam’ ‘lest you become ‘Nagar Nigam’.’ That would have been
the real joke. Okay, wait a minute.. If you’re as big as the city,
you should avoid going to Palika Market
in New Delhi. You’ll become ‘Nagar Palika’. That’s what you call
a real joke. Kapil Sharma, you tell us. Whose joke was the best among the three of us. Because I’ve noticed that you’re sort of good
at comedy. Look, Baccha.
I can’t say anything to the both of them. Obviously and you wouldn’t risk saying anything to a strong guy
like me. He’s actually strong.
– Okay. You know, when he got married..
– Yes? Halfway through
the wedding procession the mare asked him for a ride. Yes.. That’s the day dad decided he’d weigh the next guy
his daughters married. Weigh! Wait a minute. You had told me your sister
was educated outside of town. This is what she has learnt? I was educated in UP. Yes, and we’re from Punjab. UP is outside of our state. Anyway, now tell me why
you’re here. I’m here to learn Marathi.
– Oh! Why do you need
to learn Marathi? If you have to live in Mumbai you need to know Marathi. But why do you
want to live in Mumbai? I told you!
I want to learn Marathi. Oh, yes! Sister I have good news.
– What’s that? Our parents will be coming here
next week. Why only your parents? Why don’t you
bring the entire village over? Bring everyone.
Your uncles, aunts the district council,
village chief.. Bring everyone over and keep them at our house. How do I care? How do I care? I will go and live on a tree in the adjoining forest. But I’ll live on a mango tree. Mango tree?
– Yes. Are we moving out?
Where will I stay? Titli will be staying
on the mango tree. You.. A bat has recently
moved out of here. You’re good
at hanging upside down. You can move in there. Oh! My sister is here
after such a long time. Let me talk to her.
How are you, Kusum? Sister, you work for
such a big show? You should talk less. Sony has to bear the losses. Yes. You should try comedy. Where’s your luggage?
Pick it up and get lost! Sister, we’re from Punjab. People only come here
from Punjab. They don’t go back. Of course!
– That’s true. Sister.. From now on, your room is mine and my room..
Make sure you keep it clean. I can’t tolerate mess. Hey! You don’t get to stay
in my room. Okay? I like my personal space. Listen, where do you get these high flying ideas from? Personal space! One day she stood under
a buffalo and said, ‘When did
this flyover come up?’ What personal space
are you talking about? Kapil! Don’t butt interfere with
my family matters. Look, you can’t stay
in my room because I have many memories
there. What sort of memories?
Tell us. She’d tie a string
on a gecko’s tail and ask him to pull her up
on the wall. Kapil! Baccha, tell me something. Yes.. – You.. Titli, after you got married this is what you father
was busy doing? Bhoori let Kusum stay
in your room. You can go to the terrace
and give company to misquotes.
– But.. Wait a minute! I suggest we let Kusum move into Kaccha’s room. Kaccha’s room?
– Yes. No! No way.. He’s here. I went to school
for a little while and people have broken
into my room! It’s my room
we’re talking about. It’s not a video
on social media that anyone can share. Wow! Well said! All of you get one thing
loud and clear. I don’t share anything
except my underpants. So, I don’t like sharing.
What’s wrong with that? Hey, come over here. Who do you share
your underpants with? With you, Dad.
– What! What a shame! Look at me and look at you. How can my underpants
fit you? Look, Ms. Archana. His underpants have two legs.
– Yes. I wear one leg at a time,
for two days. After that I turn it around. I wear one pair
for four days. Oh, my God! Baccha! Thank God
you don’t have three legs or else he’d wear the
same underpants all week. My dear.. But why do you wear
your father’s underpants? Put partitions in it
and make a flat. I’ve heard that when
a father’s shoes start fitting his son,
they become friends. But I fit into your underpants. So what are we? What are we? ‘Bloomer buddies’! Well said! That’s why,
I say that you should tell me
your jokes first. I’ll make them funnier. Kaccha, forget all this. This is your aunt, Kusum. She’ll sleep on your room
from now on. Be nice to her, have fun! Have fun..
– She’s my aunt? You’d much rather have got me
a cat. I’d have kept it happily. This is the first rat I’ve seen who isn’t scared of cats.
– Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
– Hey! Hey, get out of the way or you’ll get run over. Run over! Dare you ‘hey’ any of my
family members. Or else, I’ll teach you
such a lesson that you won’t dare
mess with us again. ‘Hey’! How dare you? Kusum, get inside. No, wait a minute. I said, she won’t stay
in our house and I mean it. She won’t stay here?
– No. Then neither will I.
I’ll go with her. And then even Bhoori will go
with her. I’ll go pack your bags.
– Hey! Yes, please. You are very desperate to oust
me from this place, it seems. Sony TV officials have told me
to get rid of every weakling. So that’s why. Bhoori we won’t stay here
even for a minute now. Come on.
We too have self-respect. Come on, let’s go. Sister. We do have self-respect.
But where is our luggage? Whatever is there,
it belongs to brother-in-law. Brother-in-law. I’m saying it so lovingly.
Ask us to stop. Don’t talk to me so lovingly or else I won’t be
able to stop myself. I was asking you to stop sister! If someone wants to leave,
no one can stop him. By the way before leaving,
listen to me carefully. How will you
listen if I rip your ears? How will you? Just listen to what I’m saying. If you want to leave but make sure you don’t take
your hand out of the window. Oh! This is an ‘Aww’ moment.
– I see. Oh! Do you really care
so much about me? No, I’m not concerned about you. Last time when you took
your hand out of the window the engine of the other train
turned upside down. Be careful. So imagine, Bachcha.. If I can do this to train engine you are still a human. I will toss you as such
that you won’t forget ever. How dare you! Why would you do that?
What have I done? Ms. Titli, the kind of
conversation he’s with buffaloes I can’t even tell you. What kind of a conversation? The other day,
he said to a buffalo that he picked its waste so now
it should do the same for him. Yuck! Yuck.. – That’s exactly how
the buffalo reacted. Yuck. Kappu! I don’t want to interfere
in someone’s family matters. Go on, keep fighting.
I’m leaving. Fine. – Yes, so.. Now you have realised
that you shouldn’t interfere in someone’s family matters.
Look in the front. There is buffalo.
– Get lost! There is a buffalo
behind me as well. Bachcha before I oust you,
you better find a way out. Listen. Hey you! Wait.. Move.. Wow.. What an attitude!
– It’s always like this. Look.
I know a way out. One of these two can stay. Okay? What! – Now think and decide
who would stay. We have already decided. These two will stay here.
You get lost. Her own child..
– Great, Mom. You hit me on my head,
but my heart has got hurt. I see. You didn’t get hurt
on your head. Here you go. Did you see this, Dad? No, I didn’t see. Hit him again.
– Here you go. Whatever it is. Kusum will not stay here
under any circumstances. Okay? I don’t care.
We’d stay in a room. That too, yours.
Right, Brother-in-law? Listen, you little girl! ‘Little girl’?
– He is my father for sure but I take all the decision
regarding my room. Whether I will
stay here or not.. I will leave this decision
to brother-in-law. Oh, sorry! I leave this decision to you,
Kachcha. Because only you have
the authority in this house. You are the man of the house. Hold on..
– You are the most important! Wait a minute! Who said he is the man
of the house? He just said that he takes decisions
in the house. You know, he also said that my jokes are funnier
than my father’s. When did I say that?
– I’ve heard all this. Look. – Great, dear.. Great, dear..
What you have said hurt me over here. Wow! Dad, that was Mr. Govinda’s
dialogue. If my son would try
to be like Krushna I’ll have to be like Govinda. So that people can make out
who is real and who is fake. And listen.. Kusum,
you will stay in our house. And you.. Pack your luggage and get lost.
– This is not done. Aunt, make him understand. I don’t interfere
when elders are talking. You could’ve said something
funny instead. Pack your luggage
and get lost from here! This is not..
Mom.. My dear Mom.. My mom is divine.
Say something. All I would say is.. Tell me. – Get lost from here. Come on.. Come on.. – Leave now!
Enough. Leave. Go. Enough.
Let’s go.. Enough. Let’s go.. This is not fair!
– They will stay here. Listen.. – You are the man of
the house. – It’s a nice room. Go.. – You’ll like it
when you see it. – You are.. It’s your house. Go. Leave. Come on, close the door.
Go.. Close it..
No.. You won’t come inside. Open! Open it. It’s open. I’m going in. Mind-blowing! Happy new year to all the viewers
watching Sony TV. Happy new year to all of you.
– Happy new year. Ms. Archana, in our country many historical movies
are being made through which we
are getting a chance to know our history better. In the same series,
a movie has been made based on brave Maratha warrior,
Tanhaji. The star cast of the same movie
is here as our guest. So amidst a huge round
of applause, I invite the one who played the character
of Tanhaji in the movie actor, producer and superstar
Mr. Ajay Devgn! And along with him..
The fine actress who played the character of Tanhaji’s wife,
Savitri Devi and our favourite
Kajol! Mr. Ajay, Ms. Kajol..
A very warm welcome. You two are looking
very nice together. Thank you. – Thank you.
– We are wearing matching clothes too.
– Yes.. – Yes, actually. And they deserve an applause
for one more thing. ‘Tanhaji’ is Mr. Ajay’s
100th movie. And..
Sir, many congratulations. And congratulations to you too. You too have completed
100 episodes. Sir, thank you so much.
Thank you. Look how many similarities
there are. Mr. Ajay’s birthday
falls on 2nd April and mine too. Mr. Ajay has
completed 100 films. – Yes. I’ve complete 100 episodes.
– Yes. I’ve come to this show today
and so have you. I’ve noticed that you’re
a huge man of mine. Am I following you?
– I feel sometimes that you follow me. I had a daughter first. Love you, sir.
– Love you too! Please come.
You are cordially welcome. Please come, sir. Mr. Ajay, how did you
think of this subject for your 100th film? – I didn’t
know it was my 100th film. Okay. – Later, I realised it. And I’m lucky, this one is 100th because it’s based
on a great historical man. So, we have started a series,
Unsung Warriors. – Okay. We have warriors
all over the country. – Yes. But it’s one nation.
Some may be from Punjab. – Yes. Like Hari Singh Nalwa. – Yes.
– There are many warriors. So, we will keep making these
series. – Oh, that’s amazing. Wow! Well, it’s based in 1670s.
It’s difficult to recreate that historic environment.
Sir, how difficult is it to make a period film?
– It’s very difficult actually. Because history was written
many years ago. But then many people tried to change it
as per their point of view. So, we have to do
a lot of homework and research. And then
you use your imagination. Because many things of history
that you show in films.. – Yes? You can’t show everything.
– Right. And when..
The attires, etc.. When you imagine it, you have
to be careful to be true to environment what was there.
So, it’s strenuous. We can see the result
of your hard work. The trailer is marvellous.
Amazing. I’ve noticed that
Mr. Ajay love stunts. He is delighted by them. I’ve
noticed it in many big films. Here, too,
you are jumping off a cliff. Sir, I heard you were scared
to get your ears pierced while shooting ‘Shivaay’.
Is it true or a rumour? I’ve performed stunts since
childhood, so I’m not scared. But I got my ears pierced
for the first time. Does it hurt?
– No, it doesn’t. But.. It’s over in an instant.
– But the thought of piercing and the anticipation of pain
is scary. But it didn’t hurt. Okay, very nice. But it
was an important question. Very important! Sir, there is yet another
important question. Your attires are
colour-coordinated. Is it a coincidence
or madam’s selection? Look, every man must know
that a wife has her eyes at the front, behind
and also at the sides. She notices everything
at all times. – True. This thing.. So, he didn’t know
but I did. But tell her that husbands do
know about their eagle eye. And they know their blind spot and do their work there,
unnoticed. Ms. Kajol, there was
a recent film of Mr. Ajay ‘De De Pyaar De’,
in which Ms. Tabu was his wife. And he was romancing
a 20 years younger girl despite being married. What are you implying?
– Nothing. I mean to say, did you consider
that and decide this time to play his wife in the film so
that you can control his focus? I mean, that way.
– The character changed, then. Then he went to war. This is Ms. Archana’s question.
Ms. Kajol. – Yes. She said, Mr. Ajay
performs dangerous stunts. In his debut movie, he made
entry on two bikes. – Yes. So, in his wedding procession,
was he riding a horse or standing on two horses? I didn’t have
a wedding procession. – What? So, no horses?
– No. – No. I came out of the room,
got married and went back inside.
– I see. But why, sir? Were you
embarrassed to mount a horse? No, we didn’t find one. I see. The same happened
at my wedding too, sir. We did hire a horse..
– The horse refused to come to your wedding. No.. Not today.
– Actually, something happened. They were asking me to sit on
the mare but it got very late. So, I decided not to do it.
Because the hall was nearby and it was crowded outside.
Then I thought that I should sit on the mare for a minute
as it had been waiting for long. Then the mare said..
‘No.’ It refused. Girls always refuse you, Kapil.
But even a mare refused you! Shall I tell them how you
come here? He doesn’t know. Ms. Archana comes from
Madh Island. She travels by road so she encounters heavy traffic.
She has two crocodiles as pets. They have grown huge now.
So, she is the Ajay Devgn of Madh Island. She surfs over them
and comes here. Well, at least I’m like
Ajay Devgn. – And she doesn’t trust them.
She won’t set them free. She squeezes them
and puts them in her purse. For the return trip.
– Yes, the return trip. I’ll tell you Mr. Ajay’s good
qualities. You have seen him acting in films. But let me
tell you that he is an actor producer, director, writer,
voice-over artist. He is into dubbing and ads, too. His company does visual effects
and he owns theatres too. Give him a big hand! We had heard the slogan, ‘Work
together, progress together’. Your slogan is,
‘self work, self progress’. You manage a lot of work!
How? ‘How?’
– Don’t ask in English. What? Tell me something. You have completed
103 episodes. – Yes, sir. Did you let anyone else
take over? You are firm on your position.
You won’t leave it. Why don’t you help others grow? I did. Ms. Archana has
progressed. – Yes, that’s it. She’s just sitting there.
– But another man has lost. So, I just listed
his many responsibilities. He performs all that. Apart
from that, he’s a doctor too. Our reliable sources
have informed us about this. I’d like to show you something. ‘Sir, there’s a rumour that
Mr. Ajay is your family doctor.’ ‘It’s correct.
– How so?’ ‘His knowledge of medicine and
homeopathy medicine is good.’ ‘He is like my brother. And
I call him as doctor. – Okay.’ ‘Dr. Ajay.’ ‘And he has a special medicine.’ ‘If you get a bit drunk..
– I love it.’ ‘So, if you drink 6 drops of it,
you’ll recover by morning.’ ‘Really? – Is it?
– Homeopathy medicine? – Yes.’ Give me some. And sir.. Sir, what all treatments
can you do, sir? Which celebrities
are your clients? It’s nothing as such.
All whose who drink too much.. I cure them. I know their pain. Okay. Ms. Archana
was asking for a vial. Really?
– No, I just.. Ma’am, when you fall sick,
do you go to the doctor’s or does sir treat..
– She manages. – Yes. We have placed a board
outside our house. – Okay. But he is the senior doctor. ‘Babaji Ajay Devgn’. He.. ‘Babaji Ajay Devgn’?
– Babaji! He gives free advice
along with medicines. Really?
– He has a one line answer for every question you ask him. And he gives you
the medicine as well. Take this pill and this
advice along with it. That’s Ajay Devgan in the house. That’s Kajol in the house. Oh my God. Ajay!
– Ajay. Ajay!
– Ajay. Ajay! Ajay! Ajay! Ajay!
– Ajay.. Yes, sir.
– Ajay.. Whoa.
– Ajay.. Sir, whenever a cricketer
hits a century then we all cheer for him
like this. Isn’t that right? So you have completed
your century. It calls for cheers today. When did you get your
passport changed? My name is Achcha Yadav. I am the brother
of Bachcha Yadav who lives here. Oh!
– I came from London. Yes, sir.
– And did you get these shorts
from the ice-cream vendor? I am seeing Ice-cream coloured
shorts for the first time. It’s so cute, isn’t it? What can I do?
Sir, I am a big fan of yours. Very big.
– It’s obvious. – Very big. Sir, you started your career by standing on top
of two motorbikes. But with God’s blessings you got many cars after that. And you got so many cars that you even started flying
the cars with Rohit Shetty. But, sir, you are not the
only one who makes things fly. Ms. Archana can also do it.
– What did she make fly? She made Mr. Sidhu fly off. By the way, I wanted
to ask you something, ma’am. Do you know, the escalators
that you see in the malls and airports..
– Yeah, I got you. What are they called in Hindi?
– What are they called? You should know this
more than anyone because you introduced it. Escalators are called.. “I kept still and the land
started moving.” Good one.
– She has to know that. “I kept still and the land..” Yes, sure, it’s so cool. But, sir, you did a movie
named ‘Apaharan’. I wanted to know if you got
the fees for it or the ransom? I just asked for fun.
I like asking such questions. But, sir, when I saw you,
I was so.. How should I explain it? There is something
in your eyes. What is it called? Kapil Sharma.
– Yes. What’s the science centre
in America called where most of the employees are Indians?
– NASA.. Yes, there’s a NASA in your eyes.
– NASA! I mean, after seeing such
intoxicating eyes.. Anyone.. Even you, I am sure,
must have become.. What is it called? Where does Ms. Archana live? Where is she from?
– From Madh. – Yes.. And what’s that animal
we ride on called? Horse.
– Yes, a horse. You would
get overwhelmed. Obviously. Looking into those eyes
will make you intoxicated. Intoxicated. Yes.. Ma’am, you did
a movie called ‘Gupt’. I am going to ask you a question
that will make you think. If your movie, ‘Gupt’,
was shot on moon then what would
have been its name? What would it be?
– ‘Chandragupt.’ Sorry, ma’am. I am sorry, ma’am. It comes from my heart
and I just say it. But I am a big fan
of yours, ma’am. ‘DDLJ’. Woah! Woah! What a movie? I watched it so many times.
And that.. Scene at the railway station. Yes..
– Where in the end you and your father..
How do you say it? What went up
in the onion’s case? The price.
– Yes, you were saying, dad.. Wow. Dad.. Dad, I love him. I want
to go with Raj. I’ve seen it. I mean, that scene made
tears roll down my cheeks. What rolled down? Tears.
– Tears. Tears come out when you cry.
– Yes. You should try it.
– Yes, tears. Tears..
– Ms. Kajol.. I want to give you an advice. An advice.
– Tell me. The thing is, there’s something
wrong being done to you. Really?
– What’s wrong? – What? The last movie Mr. Ajay did,
in which you weren’t there he was asking
for love in it. Give me love..
– Oh, yes. And when he does
a movie with you he is asking for independence. You should
give him some.. What is the crop in Punjab? ‘Dhan’.
– Give some attention to him. What do you
want to do here? I am here to do
what Ajay did in the movie. What’s that?
– Freedom fighting. From whom?
– I live in London. I will get London
freed from Britishers. It already belongs
to the Britishers. Is it their’s?
– Yes. I will take it back. They took our country,
I will take theirs. I will.. I plan to send 150 people
from UP to London. Then, I will send
100 people from Andhra. I will send
20 people from Bandra. Then, I will send 100 people
from Delhi. – Punjabis? I can send them only
if you free them from here. He has held
all the Punjabis here. I tell you. Once I free up London then I will have
only one goal left. What will that be?
– All the Punjabis here I will get them freed
from Kapil Sharma Show. Who is being kept
as a slave here? Do you think Dinesh is free? Does he look
like a free man? It is not a guitar
on him but shackles. I can smell
revolution here. They are here with
noose to their necks. They are here
in desperation. Dinesh wants to go to Indian Idol but Kapil
isn’t letting him. Dinesh, give me D minor,
I will give you Indian Idol. And if the judges there say
you can’t come to Mumbai don’t lose hope.
You are a Punjabi. The doors to Canada
are always open for you. Sir, please bless me. I will go to London
and set everything right. I will extract four times
the taxes there. – Very good It will be a Britisher
for a Britisher. Hey! That’s
a tooth for a tooth. Come on, I can’t keep
searching for a tooth there! Sorry, ma’am. Somebody is
calling me. Can I pick the call? Yes.
– If you don’t mind. Yes. I am very famous.. It is Hollywood’s actor,
Morgan Freeman He is calling me.
I will talk to him. Yes, Morgan. You Morgan,
keep your gun in your pocket. We have Devgan here.
Alright? And let me tell you,
he is a very busier than you. You are ‘Freeman’.
You can be free. We have important people
here. Don’t disturb me. What? Okay.
Okay.. Ma’am, he says that even
his first love was a failure. He is asking if Karan Johar
can make it a success? I’ll tell.. – If he sees
the episode, it will be done. She says it can be done.
Okay bye, Morgan. Sir, I must go now. Can I give you my 2 cents? Sure, go ahead.
– His two cents! I want to tell that
you will never be affected by an evil eye. How’s that? – Because
Kajol is always with you. Superb, Kiku.
– Thank you, Sir. I will leave now.
Nice meeting you. Thank you. Alright.
Love you. Yes. Sir,
this is your 100th movie. We have completed
100 episodes. Madam,
I will ask you a few things. You have to score
them out of 100 for Ajay. So, Ajay as
a romantic person? As romantic person?
– Score him out of 100. Zero.
– He is scoring himself. Why a zero, sir? You
are so romantic in the movies. I get paid there! Ajay as an
obedient husband? As an
obedient husband? – Yes. I am the obedient wife. I have attended so many marriages and shows
on his behalf. Is it?
– Yes, indeed. I am the good wife
because I do so much. So, again a zero.
– Definitely You scored zero
for the first two questions. Yes, that’s fine. It has
been so many years, that’s okay. Ajay as a prankster. As a prankster?
100/100. Wow.
– Yes. Ajay being stubborn. 100/100.
– Is he stubborn? He is very stubborn. Okay. Ajay as a liar. Zero.
– Oh! That’s nice. – Wow. Ajay while
making excuses. – 100/100. You must know this
when you had asked him to come on your show and he
says that he is busy shooting. He would be sitting at home
and say I am in a shooting. Kapil, I can’t come.
I am sick. Remembering
anniversaries and birthdays. Very bad.
– Very bad? She reminds me.
– How are you still surviving? How’s this possible?
– She knows I don’t remember. This is a good trick. – I keep
saying my memory is weak. I do have a baseline. Okay. About spending
money. – 100/100. It has to be balanced. How about me?
Can I score her? We know about her.
She is very good. He too has to go
home. – Meet me outside. The movie ‘Tanhaji’
is a historic movie. Our history
is a fantastic one. There are many
incidents in history which teach us lessons
even to this day. We are still inspired
by them. I want to ask our audience
as to which era or tradition do you wish
to repeat in this era. Please share your views. Yes, madam.
Greeting. How are you? Greeting Mr. Kapil.
How are you? – I am doing good. I want that era of kings
and emperors to repeat itself wherein the corrupt
were caned 100 times. I want that
tradition to come back so that the corrupt
politicians, government servants are undressed
in public and caned. You said a very nice thing. Thank you. Very good.
It should happen. Thank you.
– Thank you and.. Is there anyone else?
Yes. More women are coming
forward in this topic. To relive the history.
Yes, ma’am. What is your name?
– My name is Kilpa. Yes..
– Kilpa. Chilpa.
– Kilpa. Kilpa. – Kilpa.
– Yes. Kilpa. – Wow. I am hearing
this name for the first time. Kilpa.
– It is a unique name. It is a unique name.
What does it mean? Even I don’t know that. Yes, Ms. Kilpa. I remember that part
of History where the kings had many queens.
– Yes.. So, I want that time
to come back again. – Why? What?
– Why? Wasn’t there a time when
a queen had 10 to 15 kings. Yes.. – That time
should come back. No. Because, what happens
nowadays is that after getting married
the couple has external affairs. Yes.
– Or whatever goes on and when they
get to know later on women’s heart
breaks. – Yes. They have a lot
of misunderstandings. They are not
ready to stay together. The matter
leads to divorce. That time the queens
that were there they all stayed
together like sisters. This is great. But there aren’t
such queens nowadays. Nowadays, they
can’t handle it. Women will set the guys right. Not to mention
that this is illegal. This is illegal. Scream loudly that this is
illegal. – This is illegal. It is illegal. It is illegal.
– This is.. This is wrong
but personally I like it. Yes. – Who did you
come with on this show? My husband came along.
– Husband is here. Tell you husband to stand up. We want to see you. What did you do in your life
that your wife decided this? That she wants
this to take place again. I feel this
is his conspiracy. She would have said bring
along anyone if you have. After that when she comes then
she will show her true form. Yes. Take care.
Don’t hurt her. Yes. Later on.
Thank you. Is there anyone else who wants to
share their thoughts. I want to bring
back that time in history where they conducted
‘Swayamvars’ for women. Okay. Why is that?
– Make a few guys stand there. Make a few of
them stand here. And select one among them.
Now I have a lot of tension. Why? – Now ne guy comes
and you say yes if you like him but once you go out you
find another person better. Isn’t it? But what was good about it? It was good
because you can talk to them first then understand them. And if a girl earns well
they are all behind her. Now women
are becoming cheap. But at that time even though the choice was 15 you
had to pick only one, right. And if you
make the wrong choice then you would
curse yourself. That even though I had
so many choices I chose wrong. And yet I
chose the wrong one. But there was a platform where
they can show their talents. If someone has talents
to showcase you can see it. Is that a ‘Swayamvar’
or Indian Idol? I was thinking that when
these ‘Swayamvars’ took place that one of them..
Like she said. Suppose And they conducted tasks
about doing certain things and then you will get
married to the princess. Around 50
people would have come. Only one of
them got a wife. And then the rest would
all go to another ‘Swayamvar’. How would
they face each other. You didn’t get selected
there? – No. What would he say to
his father after coming home. Dad, my aim was off. It was very interesting.
– Yes, very interesting. What is your name? My name is Surbhi.
– Did you get married? Nope. – Are you waiting
to have a ‘swayamvar’? Okay, thank you, Surbi. Ajay, I have seen that the kings that used to be there
and there was a dancer. She was permanent there. She used to always
come and the queen used to never get angry
about what the kings were doing. That is what she was saying.
– Yes. If Parmeet called
a belly dancer home you will kill him. – I will
sit with him and enjoy it. Very nice, Archana.
So sweet of you. I used to tell you always
that you have taste like men. True.
– Any other friends of ours. Yes. Greetings.
– Greetings. Greetings.
– Greetings. Tanhaji Malusare
was from Umrat. We are from there.
My brother is from there. Okay, wow. They want
to meet Mr. Ajay. Yes..
– They got him a momento. Okay. Thank you. Go there. Even for Ms. Kajol. Wow. Ms. Kajol. This is a momento
of Tanhaji Malusare. For Mr. Kapil Sharma.
– Thank you. Thank you so much.. Thank you.
– We are form the same Mr. Devgn mentioned
about Umbrat.. We are the 13th generation
of the Malusare family. – Wow! And we are happy that we are
carrying on a 350 year legacy which is celebrated
for its valour and courage. It happens to be your
100th film and the 300th year. It is a great combination. We are very
happy that this movie will make its name
in the entire world. I wish you both and for
your movie best of luck. Thank you very much.
– Thank you very much. Thank you..
– Thank you.. Thank you.. – Thank you.. Hello, Kapil. Don’t worry, darling.
I am back. Why did you come? He is always so rotten. Oh my, God!
Ajay and Kajol are here. I heard it beforehand. Hi, take blessings from me. My dear girl. I knew they both
were coming back there. And I quickly made some
tea and got biscuits. Eat them. Who serves it like that? Oh dear. For a hero who
enters being on top of bikes then he should
be served like this. This is my aunt. Her name is Kammo.
She is from Delhi. What do you mean by that?
You don’t own me. I am a mutual aunt.
I am everyone’s aunt. What do you mean by that?
Their name is Ajay and Kajol. Something happens but
you’ll not understand, Kapil. Didn’t I sound
like Shahrukh Khan? I’ve seen all your films. You
used to do this, ‘No music..’ and then he’d do like this. I’ve seen all her movies. Tell me one thing.. Aren’t you a Punjabi, Ajay?
– Yes. She’s a Bengali. Be honest, does she feed you
‘Sarson da saag’ at home or Bengali dishes like ‘Muli Ghanto’ and ‘Aloo Posto’?
What does she feed you? They are also food items. What kind of a dish is
‘Muli Ghanto’? How long you’ll take to digest it if you’ll take
hours to eat it? ‘Muli Ghanto’! But now that I’m here, I’ll
quickly make ‘Aloo paratha’. Not in hours but in minutes. My dear child is
always busy in shootings. Come on child,
peel the potatoes quickly. Peel it.. She’s such a big star, Aunt, and
you’re making her peel potatoes? Make her peel Karan Johar
since she’s such a big star. ‘She’s such a big star’! He ask me
such stupid questions. Do one thing, Kapil.
– What? Arrange for
a life jacket for me. – Why? He has such deep eyes,
what if I drown in them? But I don’t want to
talk to Ajay. – Why? He comes to Delhi for shootings
so often and I stay there. But he never visits me. Do you know him? I’ll hit you
with this bag, Kapil. You ask me the same thing for
all the heroes that come here. I know everyone. His mom
used to leave him with me when he was this small. She used to say,
‘Take care of him.’ Do you remember, Ajay? You used to sleep
on my lap once upon a time. He used to look so cute,
Ms. Archana when he used to walk wearing a white diaper. Honestly, Kajol, he used to
look like a young Sultan Mirza. He looks so cute when he
used to walk wearing a diaper. You did a film called
‘Phool Aur Kaante’ isn’t it? He entered standing on
two bikes, wearing sunglasses with his hand
on his pants.. Girls went crazy, Ms. Archana. They couldn’t stop kissing
the seats of the bikes he rode. What are you saying, Aunt?
– Then what! Some girls were so crazy
that they kissed the silencer. But your uncle suffered
because of that stunt. Why? What happened? He also tried to do
that stunt like Ajay Devgan. He crashed into a pole. Then? Then what? The pole broke. But I’ll tell
you one thing. Did you tell Kajol about him?
– About who? Oh so you didn’t tell her? I’m sorry to mention it.
– Who are you talking about? He got him home once in Delhi and introduced him
as a close friend. I just said it.. Tell me
who you’re speaking of. Rohit Shetty. Got scared, didn’t you? Rohit Shetty. They both are up to
some mischief. But to be honest I love you
both as a couple. Whenever I see them,
Ms. Archana I’m reminded
of my love story. What was your
love story, Aunt? When his film
‘Phool Aur Kaante’ released your uncle and
I went to watch it and he entangled his
fingers in mine like this. And we kept looking
at each other. – Then? Well.. We still remember
those days and laugh. His uncle
still looks devastated. He loves me so much, Kajol that the smoke comes out of my nose when he
smokes a hookah. I’ll tell you another thing. Once we went out to
stroll and it started raining. We had only one umbrella.
– Then? Well, we got drenched
in rain. But let me
clarify one thing. There may be a water
shortage but he’s filthy rich hence I married him. You married
him for his money? The thing is, I have a lot
of demands and I am quite bold. I sat down to talk when I should
be making parathas for you but let me
tell you one thing Today, Ajay and I
have completed a century. He’s done 100 films and
I’ve gained 100 kilos of weight. So it’s double
celebration today. So congratulations
to you for 100 films. And your new film ‘Tanhaji’,
it’s a big hit. Give me the potatoes. Potatoes! I’ll go in and make
the paratha’s in 15 minutes. with butter on it. When you take
the butter out of the fridge it’s stiff like Ajay Devgn. And when you
put in on the paratha it spreads smoothly
like Kajol. I’ll make it quickly,
my dear. My darling. I’ll make it soon.
Okay, I’m leaving. Okay then! Please have a seat. Ma’am, our audience
here has some questions related to daily life
which they want me to ask you. They ask me to do all this. So you have to say who
does it among the two of you. Who snores the
loudest while sleeping? None of us. No one? Wow, both are mute! Okay. So, who turns of the fan
and AC first after getting up? I. Actually the one who
gets up later switches it off. Okay, so it’s the
one who gets up later. The one who gets up
first walks out the room. – Yes. So the one who’s sleeping
will get up and off it. In us, the one who
gets up first switches it off. to reduce the bill. Who take more
time to get ready? Don’t look at me. What?
– Look.. There are a lot of
things women do to get ready. We wear a sari which
takes 15 to 20 minutes. It takes time to do the make-up.
– Make-up, hair.. It takes time to set our
hair and there’s so much more. Right.
– But you men.. Wear a jeans
and a t-shirt and done. Exactly. It takes you
10 seconds to dress up. But if you still take
an hour then there is a problem. Statistically.. If you see, we’re well on time.
– It takes time to shower. They’re saying that
dressing up takes time.. What about the one hour they
take to decide what to wear? True. Who bargains better? I’m sure it’s Kajol. I don’t know to bargain. But last time you said that Kajol has started
to shop online. And you can’t bargain in that. And on that she tells
you how cheap she got it for. And she gets excited
for things.. – Yes. But I believe
that bargaining is a tradition in our country. If you won’t bargain..
– Right. I mean it’s quite normal.
– Of course. We must ask for discounts. If you need any tips,
please contact Ms. Archana. One day Ms. Archana
was buying mangoes. The vendor was selling it
for Rs. 500. She asked for Rs. 100.
So, the vendor disagreed. She said, you can eat half,
but I will buy it for Rs. 100. Where do you get these ideas? I have hired a spy
to keep an eye on you. Okay, who decides
the holiday destinations? He decides it.
– Most of the time, I do. Really?
– Nowadays children decide. Isn’t it?
Children do. Okay.
Who attends the parents meeting most of the time? I do. Well, that was the last question
from audience. Thank God!
– Thank you for the answers. I want to ask a question.
– Sure. When you have a scuffle
who apologizes first? It depends..
– The one who is wrong. – Right. If one of.. Actually… The one who is wrong.. She’s pointing at you, Ajay.
She blames you for it. Well, it’s true.
The one who is wrong.. Sir, superstars go through
so many viral rumours. So, we collect them.
Actually, we don’t believe them. So, we confirm those
by asking the superstars. So, Mr. Ajay..
– Oh, I see! There’s a rumour about you. Mostly, you are quiet
because Ms. Kajol takes away your part
of conversations. This isn’t a rumour. There’s another.
The movies or the shots in which Ms. Kajol falls,
those movies becomes a hit. So, do you apply oil on her
footwears to make her fall? No, that’s not true.
Because, if she falls it becomes a problem for us. Then we have to help her..
So, it’s false. So, it’s a rumour..
– No need to apply oil. It’s quite usual..
– I usually fall on sets. Ms. Kajol, there’s a rumour
which says very soon your name
will be registered in the book of World Records.
– Why? Because, you can put
things inside your handbag even more than you can
inside a suitcase. True. It’s absolutely a true rumour. Mr. Ajay, there’s a rumour
which says when both of you work
in movies of other producers you order different vanity vans. But when you produce a movie,
you use only one. No, actually I order none
in my production. Wow!
That’s worth learning. Mr. Ajay, I want to show you
something. Show it. ‘So, these were the rumours.’ ‘There are some more.’ ‘I will confirm that as well.
As per the rumour’ ‘do you call Mr. Ajay
‘Brother-in-law’?’ ‘Never..’ ‘No!
– No?’ ‘That’s a rumour.
And it will remain a rumour.’ ‘He calls it with an expression.
‘Brother-in-law..” – Right. ‘Just like that.’ ‘That’s right.
So funny.’ ‘Well, I don’t call him
brother-in-law.’ ‘But I may start it soon.’ ‘I think tomorrow onwards
I will text Ajay with the same.’ ‘I will write..
‘Greetings, Brother-in-law’.’ ‘This is your new name.’ Did he start calling you
‘Brother-in-law’? What was your question? Well that I won’t ask you again. No!
Actually, it will get worse. How?
– Because.. Kajol is saying..
– You must have heard of it? It will become a case
of ‘Half wife’. Only the song says it.
Don’t create a smoke here! So many mosquitoes die. Those poor things
are also human beings. Hey! Since when did mosquitoes
become humans? Just like mosquitoes, even
humans suck blood. Hey! Which human sucks blood?
– Ask Mr. Sidhu. Get lost! Go away.
Go back to Nalasopara. Where is the gift? My favourite couple is here. So, for them.. I bought this season’s
best ‘Halwa’. ‘Halwa’ from Dadar. Dadar? – ‘Dadar’ Halwa?
It should be ‘Gajar ka Halwa’. I bought it from Dadar.
So, it is Dadar’s Halwa. Get it? In Dadar.. My father, mother,
brother.. They all savour
the same ‘Halwa’. How are you Mr. Ajay?
– I’m fine. Hello, sir. Hello, ma’am. How are you?
– I’m fine. My bag is ready.
Shall we elope? What do you mean? Today morning, I was watching
his movie ‘Dilwale’.. – Okay. There is a dialogue..
‘Come, Sapna. Let’s elope.’ I paused the TV
and came here right away. You’ve your boyfriend Mukesh. The doctor advised him
not to elope. Feel comfortable, sir. Mukesh my boyfriend
has asthma. – Okay. And my problem
is with my father-in-law. I’ll elope with Ajay
and not him. – But he’s married. But he doesn’t have asthma.
He can always elope with me. Our pair looks so elegant. He detest lies.
And I’m a truthful woman, sir. How did you like our pair, sir? Honestly, sir.
I’m a big fan of yours. I’d met one of your fan
a week back. – Who was it? He was saying.. His loved ones betrayed him
and not strangers.. He sank with his chair where
there was no water.. Applause! I met that person.
– Applause.. Isn’t it amazing? This is called sheer luck. Someone made an effort
and the other took the cake. Sapna, they didn’t come here
to listen to your balderdash. They’re here to promote
their film. – Correct. A big round of applause
for their film. Ma’am, I liked your promo.
You are good. – Thank you. But I’ve a confusion.
– Tell me. You’re a queen in the film. And Rani is your cousin. And Rani is ‘Mardaani’. But this woman is brave. So.. Thank you.
Thank you.. What is this confusion
about, ma’am? Ma’am, you are a Bengali.
– Yes. And Mr. Ajay is a Punjabi. So you were bound
to fall in love. What’s the logic behind this? I just mentioned
the name of a movie. Can’t I talk
like normal people? Can’t I? Can’t you say something
productive? No, I can’t. I have already
stolen your cue card. Okay.
Sir, I would like to ask you.. You did a song.. “My biceps are 16,
my chest is 44.” Which tailor wrote this song? Strange! Because only he can
say so precisely. By the way,
Mr. Ajay, I would like to.. Ma’am, he doesn’t love
money, right? Why? Otherwise, he would have made
‘Bol Bachan Part 2’ by now. No, I am serious.
People will answer me now. ‘Bol Bachan’ was
a hit movie, right? Yes.. Mr. Ajay was the producer. Sir, you made more
than 100 crores, right? You made
a huge profit, right? please give me
Rs. 1 crore then. Are you not ashamed
of yourself? I have the right
to ask for money. I worked in that movie.
Ask him. Your brother worked
in the movie. Yes, my brother. Do you know?
He got so many awards. Oh, ho! Krushna!
– Am I right or not? Anyway, I know Mr. Ajay
won’t give me money. Why?
– Forget it. I have been deceived
by my loved ones. People who don’t know me
don’t have that capability. But I won’t complain
against him. Even my uncle didn’t
even spare me. Ma’am, I want
to ask you something. Ma’am, you own
a bungalow in Juhu, right? Yes.
– Right? Mr. Amitabh Bachchan’s bungalow
is next to your bungalow. You are neighbours, right?
– Yes. Did it ever happen
that you had gone to his house to ask for sugar? Or did he come to your house
to ask for a cylinder? Did it ever happen? What are you saying? They are celebrities.
It never happens. Do celebrities cook food
on a rocket? What.. Even they need
a cylinder to cook. That’s why I asked her.
It was a normal query. Till now, it didn’t happen. I will call you
if something like this happens. Anyway, I have a beauty parlour.
– Okay. We provide different types
of massages. We have a special
massage for you. You did a movie named
‘Tango Charile’, right? We have ‘Tango Charile’ massage. What do you do in this?
– What do you do in this? We ask the customer
to lay on his back. After that, we call Charlie. Charlie comes and applies oil
on customer’s body. – I see. But he massages only his legs. This is how we do the massage. ‘Tango Charlie’..
– Ma’am, we have a massage for you ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hain’ massage. What do you do in this?
– In this massage.. We apply oil
on customer’s body. After that, we put him
inside a washing machine. After that?
– Then what? Something happens.
You won’t understand, Kappu. You won’t understand. Sir, we have another
special massage for you ‘Singham’ massage. In this..
– What do you do in this? In this, we don’t ask the
customer to lay on his back. We ask him to stand straight. After that, we apply oil on him.
– After that? Then what?
We massage him like this in ‘Singham’ style. It doesn’t work if the
customer is lying on his back. Anyway, I will take
your leave now, ma’am. Several customers
visit us every day. Raju who is known to you.. I need to wash his uncle.
He left him here. I will take leave now.
– Take your ‘Dadar Ki Halwa’. Ms., Kajal, I want to ask
you a last question. As we have seen
Mr. Ajay in films he doesn’t dance much. But when he attends
his relative’s marriage or party does he dance with you? No.
– No? First, he needs
to attend, right? As you know, Mr. Ajay does
good works in his films. But he works
for our society too. As we have got to know,
he does charity works through his NY Foundation. And I am sharing this with you because many of you want
do charity for our society. I want them to take
inspiration from Mr. Ajay and come forward. I have some pictures.
Please have a look. NY Foundation takes care
of the education of many poor children.
Sir, we are so proud of you. This foundation takes care
of the education of many poor children.
And they organise wedding for many girls
belonging to poor families. Many of them ride cycle
rickshaws for their livelihood. They take cycle rickshaws
on rent. If they ear Rs. 500,
they need to pay Rs. 300 rent. This foundation has distributed
cycle rickshaws among them. So that they can use
their money on their family. Mr. Ajay is doing
many noble works. We are so proud of you.
Thank you so much. Please give Mr. Ajay
and Ms. Kajal a big round of applause.
Mr. Ajay, thank you so much. Thank you.
– Thank you, Ms. Kajal. Thank you so much
for coming here. Whenever you come here,
we enjoy a lot. And our best wishes
for ‘Tanhaji’. All the best.
– Thank you. And all the best. Thank you, sir.
– Thank you too. Lovely meeting you guys.
– Same here, thank you. Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much. And people please keep smiling and
maintain cleanliness all around and keep watching
‘The Kapil Sharma Show’. Good night.
Take care.

100 Comments

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *