The Surprisingly Dramatic Origin of Corn Flakes (feat. Owen Wilson & Luke Wilson) – Drunk History


I AM PAGET BREWSTER AND TODAY WE ARE GOING TO TALK
ABOUT THE KELLOGG BROTHERS. IN 1876, DR. JOHN KELLOGG CREATED A SANITARIUM IN BATTLE CREEK, MICHIGAN. EXCEPT HE WAS AN ORATOR IN THE SEVENTH-DAY
ADVENTIST CHURCH. HE TELLS HIS PATIENTS NO SEX, NO MEAT,
NO ALCOHOL, NO SUGAR, NO, UH,
ANYTHING, UH, PRURIENT OR SENSUAL. [bleep]! AREN’T YOU GUYS TIRED? PSSHT! – WELL, CAN I–
– SHH! – ALL RIGHT. – HE TELLS HIS PATIENTS,
YOU NEED TO TAKE AT LEAST TWO
SOLID, ROPE-Y POOPS PER DAY. IN 1880, DR. JOHN REACHES OUT
TO HIS YOUNGER BROTHER, WILL, WHO HE BEAT UP THE WHOLE TIME
HE WAS GROWING UP, AND HE SAYS, HEY, UM, LEAVE THAT BROOM COMPANY. I’VE GOT THIS, YOU KNOW,
SANITARIUM, SPA THING. THERE’S OVER
1,000 PEOPLE A WEEK HERE, HANGING OUT… SWIMMING AND DOING STUFF. YOU SHOULD COME AND JUST,
YOU KNOW, HELP ME OUT
WITH EVERYTHING. AND WILL SAYS, OKAY, I GOTTA
GET THE [bleep] OUT OF HERE. WILL IS JUST SORT OF
THIS SAD LITTLE WHIPPING BOY FOR BIG, FAMOUS
BROTHER JOHN. HE ACTUALLY SAID, “I USE MY BROTHER
AS A FOOT WARMER IN THE WINTER.” I DON’T EVEN KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS. LIKE, HE BEAT HIM UP
AND HE STUCK HIS FEET UNDER HIM? SO ANYWAY,
HE HAS TO SHAVE HIM. HE ACTUALLY
HAS TO CALL HIS OWN BROTHER “DR. KELLOGG”… AND HAS TO RUN THE KITCHEN AND HAS TO RUN THE BOOKS. SO DR. JOHN TELLS
HIS YOUNGER BROTHER WILL, HEY, MAKE SOMETHING
THAT PEOPLE WOULD WANT TO EAT BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS
VEGETARIAN FOOD. SO YOU DO THIS,
‘CAUSE I’M BUSY. I GOTTA, YOU KNOW,
DO LECTURES AND STUFF. SO WILL, WHOSE BOOKKEEP–
BOOKKEEPING “OPPICE”–OFFICE IS NEXT TO THE KITCHEN– ONE NIGHT,
HE’S TRYING TO MAKE THIS STUPID
VEGETARIAN [bleep]. HE LEAVES THE DOUGH OUT. HE COMES IN
THE NEXT MORNING, AND THE DOUGH THAT HE
LEFT OUT HAS MOLDED. AND HE’S LIKE,
OH, GOD DAMN IT, THIS [bleep] IS MOLDY. [bleep].
I’M ON A BUDGET. AND HE PUTS IT
THROUGH THE GRINDER ANYWAY, AND THE SMALL AMOUNT OF MOLD
MADE THAT DOUGH FLAKES. CORN FLAKES! AND HE’S LIKE, HOL–
OH, [bleep] OH, WE MADE–
I MADE A CEREAL. SO HE TELLS JOHN,
JOHN COMES DOWN. OH, YOU KNOW. AND THEN THEY START
PRODUCING THIS CEREAL, CORN FLAKES. LIKE, CORN FLAKES
THAT WE ALL KNOW– THAT WILL DISCOVERED.
WITH MOLD. ONE WEEK, C.W. POST,
THIS INDUSTRIALIST, IS VISITING, AND JOHN SAYS, OH, YOU SHOULD SEE
THE CORN FLAKES WE’RE MAKING. WE’RE MAKING OUR OWN CEREAL. AND WILL IS SAYING, OH, NO, DON’T. I MADE–I MADE THAT. DON’T…YOU SAY– AND… [choir sings a dramatic chord] OH, OH. I’M NOT TALKING RIGHT
ALTOGETHER, BUT CLOSE ENOUGH. C.W. POST STEALS IT,
SELLS IT, MAKES AMILLIONDOLLARS. SO WILL’S LIKE,
[bleep] YOU, MAN. YOU [bleep]ED ME!
YOU [bleep]ED US! IF WE ADD SUGAR,
WE CAN SELL THIS CEREAL. AND JOHN SAYS,
YOU CAN’T PUT SUGAR ON IT. THAT’S NOT
SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WILL SAYS,
OH, YOU KNOW– YOU KNOW WHO I THINK I AM? I THINK I’M THE GUY WHO INVENTED
[bleep]ING CORN FLAKES. I’M GONNA PUT SUGAR ON ‘EM
AND SELL ‘EM. AND [bleep] YOU. SO HE TAKES HIS CEREAL
AND HE SETS UP THE KELLOGG
TOASTED FLAKES COMPANY. WILL MAKES IT
A MILLION-DOLLAR ENTERPRISE. AND HE’S LIKE,
I’M PUTTING SUGAR ON MY [bleep]. [bleep] YOU. – THE YOUNGER BROTHER,
NOW, FINALLY COMES OUT OF HIS OLDER BROTHER’S
SHADOW AND BECOMES A HUGE
AMERICAN INDUSTRIALIST. THE BROTHERS SUE EACH OTHER
BACK AND FORTH FOR TEN YEARS. I WANT THE NAME OF KELLOGG’S. I WANT THE NAME OF KELLOGG’S. I WANT THE NAME OF KELLOGG’S. NO, I DESERVE IT,
I MADE THE– WHATEVER. SO WILL,
THIS YOUNGER BROTHER, WINS THE NAME
IN FEDERAL COURT. I’M GONNA BURP. – IT’S OKAY. – I HOPE IT’S JUST A BURP. WILL IS A HUGE INDUSTRIALIST
IN THE UNITED STATES. HE INVENTS
A BUNCH OF CEREALS. MEANWHILE,
JOHN LOSES ALL CREDIBILITY. IN 1943, JOHN IS ON HIS DEATHBED. HE WRITES
TO HIS YOUNGER BROTHER, HAVING NOT SPOKEN
FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS, AND HE GAVE IT
TO HIS SOCIAL SECRETARY OR WHATEVER–
HE HAD NO FAMILY. HIS ONLY FAMILY WAS WILL. SHE NEVER SENT IT. BUT WILL,
EIGHT YEARS LATER– ALSO DYING, BLIND– WAS TOLD,
ON HIS DEATHBED, YOUR BROTHER
WROTE A LETTER EIGHT YEARS AGO
SAYING, “I’M SORRY. “I SCREWED UP.
I APOLOGIZE. “I TREATED YOU
AS A LESSER MAN WHEN IN FACT,
I WAS THE LESSER MAN.” ESSENTIALLY,
THAT’S WHAT HE SAID. I READ IT,
BUT I CAN’T REMEMBER ENTIRELY. BUT THAT’S ESSENTIALLY
WHAT HE SAID. SORRY. WILL SAT UP ON HIS DEATHBED
AND SAID, GOOD GOD! WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME
ABOUT THIS BEFORE NOW? AND HE DIED! THAT’S JUST AWFUL.
THAT’S THE [bleep]ING WORST. [munching] UM, YEAH, BUT–RIGHT? – YEAH.
– LIKE, WILL WAS RIGHT. YOU WANT TO PUT
SOME SUGAR ON ‘EM. – YEAH.
IT IS LACKING SUGAR. – OTHERWISE,
IT’S JUST MOLD. – YEAH.
– MOLD FLAKES.

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