Theatre Donor – SNL


>>>GOOD EVENING, I’M TARA
HENRY, ARTISTIC DIRECTOR HERE AT THE BRAND NEW ALBIE DURBERRY
THEATER. [ APPLAUSE ]
THIS IS ALL POSSIBLE THANKS TO ONE INCREDIBLY GENEROUS DONOR
WHO JOINS US THIS EVENING, MR. ALBIE DURBERRY WHO TURNED
106 YEARS YOUNG THIS MONTH. [ APPLAUSE ]
I KNOW LEAVING YOUR HOUSE IS QUITE AN ORDEAL, SIR.
AND WE ARE SO GRATEFUL FOR THE EFFORT BOTH YOU AND YOUR NURSE
KEELY PUT IN TO JOIN US.>>HE WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING?
>>FOR THE AMOUNT OF MONEY I SPENT, THIS PLAY BETTER BE GOOD.
>>HA, HA, HA. [ APPLAUSE ]
>>AND NOW THE WORLD PREMIER OF “THE RAINSTORM.”
>>THE TRAIN WAS A ZOO. I ALMOST DIDN’T GET A SEAT.
>>UH-HUH.>>AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
>>QUIET.>>KEELY!
WHAT’S THIS PLAY ABOUT?>>SHH.
WE’LL FIND OUT.>>WONDERFUL.
ANOTHER EVENING OF GENEVIEVE IN A MELANCHOLY HAZE.
WHAT IS IT NOW DARLING?>>JUST LEAVE ME ALONE JACK.
>>KEELY, I CAN’T HEAR THEM.>>ALL YOU EVER DO ANYMORE IS
CRY.>>WHAT?
>>WHY COULDN’T YOU BE A HAPPY DRUNK?
>>WHO?>>SHH.
>>WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
>>I — I’M SORRY. [ BEEPING ]
>>IT’S TIME FOR YOUR YOGURT.>>NOW?
I HATE THAT HORRID PASTE.
>>ALBIE.>>YOU’RE ANGRY.
I’M JEALOUS.>>NO.
YOU FEEL SOMETHING.>>NO.
AND LATELY I FEEL NOTHING.>>NO.
MY LIFE HAS BECOME AS GRAY AS –>>NO.
I HATE IT! I’M NOT AN INFANT!
KEELY! I CAN FEED MYSELF!
>>NO, YOU MAKE A MESS.>>I HATE IT!
I HATE IT!>>I’M SO SORRY, SIR.
SORRY FOR DISTURBING YOU.>>YEAH.
VERY MUCH.>>THERE, THERE, CHEER UP.
DANCE WITH ME, GENEVIEVE, LIKE WE USED TO.
GOD, IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. [ HUMMING ]
>>I NEED TO DISINFECT YOUR CHAIR.
>>MAKE IT QUICK, KEELY, I WANT TO ENJOY THE PLAY.
>>DISINFECTING.>>COME TO BED WITH ME.
COME TO BED WITH –>>AH, AH!
>>COME TO BED WITH ME.>>I HAVEN’T TOUCHED YOU IN SO
LONG.>>I CAN’T.
>>CHRIST, GENEVIEVE, YOU ARE MY WIFE.
>>WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
>>CHANGE MEDICAL STOCKINGS.>>KEELY, YOU’LL MAKE A SCENE.
NO, DON’T CHANGE MY SOCKS.>>MR. DURBERRY I NEED TO CHANGE
YOUR THERAPEUTIC SOCKS.>>NOT NOW, YOU’LL MAKE A SCENE.
OW! NO.
>>HUSH UP. OR YOU WON’T GET YOUR CARAMEL
CANDY AFTER SUPPER.>>NO NOT MY CARAMEL, KEELY!
KEELY!>>JACK ISN’T A BAD MAN.
HE PROVIDES. HE’S KIND, MOST NIGHTS.
>>NO, NO!>>FAITHFUL.
I THINK.>>NO, NO!
>>AND HE’D BE A WONDERFUL FATHER BUT I DON’T —
>>NO NO!>>I DON’T LOVE HIM.
>>I’VE NEVER SAID THAT BEFORE.>>CAN YOU HOLD HIS TOES STILL?
>>I’D RATHER NOT. BUT OKAY.
>>WHO ARE YOU? KEELY, WHO IS THIS MAN ATTACKING
ME? YOU’RE ATTACKING ME.
>>I NEED TO LEAVE. GOODBYE.
GOODBYE, YOU CRAZY MAN.>>NO!
>>COME WITH ME, KEELY! [ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
>>OH I’M SORRY. SORRY.
>>COME ON, MAN, WE’RE TRYING TO DO A PLAY UP HERE.
WHAT THE HECK? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪

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