Tim Hawkins – Liberty University Convocation

>>DAVID NASSER: Last year we had the privilege
of having one of the funniest people on the plan—not just the funniest Christian comedian,
but one of the funniest comedians on the planet—Tim Hawkins with us. When Tim was here he had so much fun, and
once he was around us he said, man, I’d love to come back and actually shoot some footage
for my next upcoming DVD, and he and his team graciously agreed to come. And that’s what we’re doing tonight. We’ve been telling you to get tickets even
though he’s at convo, because you’re going to get a small sample today of the big show
tonight. So there are a few tickets left if you want
to be a part of that. It’s going to be a historic thing. You do not want to miss it. But it is so awesome to be able to have him
back. He’s brought with him his friend Bob Smiley. Many of you are big fans of Bob—one of the
greatest comedians in the world right now. Bob and I have known each other for about
12 years, and I’ve got to tell you, what I love about this man is he always wants to
do ministry. Even though he comes to great events, and
he’s always doing comedy he cares about people. I’ve seen him behind stages just minister
to people. He’s always asking about ways to serve people
outside of just his own giftings—just a real solid, solid individual, godly man who’s
just going to be a real example of us of how you can do great comedy without ever having
to be perverse or, you know, having to use a lot of vulgarity. These are just great guys. Come on. Put your hands together for the great, the
one, the only Bob Smiley everybody.>>BOB SMILEY: What is up Liberty? Man, thank you guys so much. It is an honor to be here. I was actually here in August. I came here to have a Tropical Smoothie, and
I just got out of the hospital. It’s great to see you, Pastor David. I’ve known him forever. I love anybody that’s travel-sized. I am not going to be invited back. I know a lot of you don’t know me. I live in Northern Mexico, a place called
Houston, Texas, and I do. I’ve been traveling around doing stand-up
comedy for 19 years. I’ve got three boys, because I’m stupid. That sounds bad. I love my kids. I love Colter and… the other two. It’ll come to me, but I do. And we were talking. David and I were talking back stage about
how becoming a father changes your life. I remember that first moment when my wife
went into labor at 5:30 in the morning, and I jumped up and I ran. I had one job to do. I was supposed to call the hospital and tell
them we were coming. But they asked a weird question. I was like, “We’re bringing Wendy Smiley. She’s going to have a baby! She’s going to have a baby!” They’re like, “Calm down. is this her first baby?” I was like, “No, this is her husband.” I know. That’s the other worst thing about being a
dad is, like, there’s so many jobs I’m not going to be good at. Like one of the jobs of the dad is the protector
of the family. So me, I’m the protector. First of all, I’ve got the wrong body. I’m the only one in this gym that can use
chap stick as deodorant. And this is my real voice, so anybody scared? Think about that. If you were burglar breaking in downstairs,
and I was at the top of the stairs would this scare you? “You better not be down there.” What is that? I’m the only guy who can stand at the top
of the stairs and go, “You better get out, or I’ll call my husband!” So we got to the hospital, and I knew our
lives were about to change. I didn’t know a lot about kids. In fact, the doctor actually got mad at me
because two years before we had a baby the doctor was like, “Now I’m going to give you
some advice. If the baby’s crying, it’s because of three
things. One, he’s hungry. Two, he’s tired, or three, he has a dirty
diaper.” I’m a comedian. I was like, “Shouldn’t dirty diaper be number
be number two?” He didn’t even laugh. He just gave my wife a pamphlet on single
parenting. So when we got to the hospital I just was
like a nervous wreck, and I thought the doctor would come in and explain stuff to us, because
he knew we were first-time parents. He didn’t. He just burst into the room and started shouting
out doctor terms. He was like, “I think we’re ready. She’s 80% effaced. She’s seven centimeters dilated. Her barometer pressure is 80 over 60. Expect a cool front to come in later this
afternoon, followed by high gusts of wind brought on by her mother. You can laugh at that. She’s not here. I know she’s not here. She lives in Galveston, Texas. That’s got to be at least like 14 hours by
broom. So-what? Maybe it’s faster. I’m not good at geometry. Anyway, I didn’t even know what kids look
like when they’re born. I thought they were pink and cuddly like you
see on TV. They’re goopy, man. Why wouldn’t you tell me that? They’re goopy man. Why wouldn’t you tell me that? I’m on the video going, “Okay, here it comes! It’s a grub worm! Oh my goodness!” I was expecting pink and cuddly. My first son looked like a veggie tale dipped
in motor oil. And they were over there cleaning the baby
off, and I was over there getting all our bags and stuff ready. And all of the sudden I felt a tap, and they
go, “Mr. Smiley, here’s your son.” And I had never held a baby before in my entire
life, you know, and you guys have probably figured out why. Not a lot of women are like, “Here, hold my
kid.” So I put my arms out, and, guys, this is one
of the greatest moments of my life. They put my son in my arms, and I looked down
at him, and he just reached up. And he took his newborn hand, and he just
caressed my face like that. I know; it felt like that. I didn’t do that, because I’m not a sissy. I’m totally kidding. I love that moment, because here’s the deal. I was a Christian growing up. I grew up in a very small town—281 people
in it. We didn’t have a lot. We had a little school, and we had a little—I
guess it was a store. It was called a drive-thru tobacco barn. I don’t know what happened there. I guess the rednecks just pull up. They’re like, “Yeah, fill her up please!” I wasn’t good at school. That’s why it’s weird coming back. I went to a Christian college, because I knew
it would be easy to pick up girls. And no, because you can use Christian pick-up
lines. Like, “Excuse me. I believe your rib belongs to me.” Don’t write that down. So anyway, I grew up in a small town, and
I just—all I wanted to do is like I wanted to be a good father, and I wanted to be a
good ambassador for Christ. And so when we had the baby-. And the other thing is I had good Christian
parents. If you come tonight I’m going to talk a lot
about how I grew up. And I had, you know, my grandmother taught
me to read the Bible. In fact, she was like, “Read the Bible when
you’re young.” It makes me mad that, you know, young kids
hardly ever read the Bible, and elderly people are reading it like crazy. Because, you know, it’s like they’re trying
to cram for a final. Right? And the Bible—it’s not boring. If we could even get that message out—it’s
not boring. Even flying in—. I was flying in, and I was reading about doubting
Thomas, and I was like, how fascinating. He doubted one time, and everybody calls him
doubting—. I mean one time on a date I laughed and a
snot bubble came out. I don’t want to be known as snot bubble Bob
the rest of my life, right? So that’s what I did. I want my kids to read the Bible, and, you
know. I will say this. I don’t know if we have a lot of adults here,
but if you’re adult and you have kids find out what your kids are reading in the Bible
before you do certain activities. I took my oldest son, Colter, on a camping
hiking trip not realizing he had just gotten to the part where Abram had taken his son
Isaac. Okay, if you’re not laughing you’re not cramming
for your final. I got out of the tent that morning. I was like, morning, Colter. You want to go on a hike? And he was like, what? No, I want to go home! I was like, what up with you? And he showed me, and I was like, that’s hilarious! Now grab that firewood and that knife and
let’s go. So getting the word into your life, and you’re
obviously doing it. You’re at one of the greatest universities
in the world, and you’re getting that every single day, you know. I love being a dad so much. I wish Joseph, Jesus’ dad, would’ve written
a chapter. Like how fas-. First of all, I want to know if Jesus used
his powers when he was little, you know. If his dad was like I need you to water the
plants, and he was like, “Oh, it is finished.” You know? Or did his Dad realize He had powers so was
he ever like, “Hey son, can you put your finger in that glass of water?” We’re still okay, all right? But no, and because I know like Jesus’ dad-. Jesus was sinless, but his Dad had to have
gotten on to him. Did he ever be like, look, stop spitting in
everyone’s eyes. Leave that chicken alone. That is our dinner. It needs to stay dead. I’m just saying it would’ve fascinating to
read about that, because you know Joseph had to struggle with being humble. Like, I don’t know. If I was Jesus’ Dad, I would’ve bragged. I would’ve put a bumper sticker on my donkey
like my son saved your honor student. So I did, I grew up in a very Christian home. Although, and it’s weird, because my dad and
I have the same sense of humor but we don’t look alike. My dad weighs 280 lbs., and he’s 5’7″. And he’s always been big. I asked my grandmother, “Was he ever skinny
like me when he was young?” And she was like, “No! He was born on a Thursday and a Friday.” And I’m not making fun of him, because he
loves being big. He’s always like, “Bob, come stand next to
me so we can look like the number ten.” I’m like, okay! But I grew up with a very joyful, loving Christian
family. Although my Dad would pull some pranks on
me that I thought were mean. Like my Dad, actually, every night had me
take communion, and I thought it was because I was a strong Christian kid. Finally, my brother was like, dude, he’s just
giving you Nyquil. So I grew up that way, and I want to raise
my kids that way. I want to raise my kids to be ambassadors,
to look for different opportunities to jump into it. And that’s my challenge to you this morning. I’ll actually close with this last quick story,
because I love moments. Because I do-you’re right, David-I love doing
comedy, but I more importantly love to talk about how amazing Jesus Christ is in my life
and in the life of my kids. And I had this great glimpse of how God must
look at us every single day. It happened about a year ago. My oldest son came to me, and he was like,
“Dad, I kind of have a dream I want to share with you.” And I was like, “Man, I’m your dad. I’m going to make it happen. We’re not going to let anybody stop you. You’re going to go for your dream.” He goes, “I want to play in the band.” I was like “That’s awesome. That’s a great dream. We’re going to make that happen.” And he goes, “I want to play the trombone.” I was like, hang on. We’re going to totally reevaluate. Nothing against the trombone, but you ever
heard a junior high kid play a trombone, or what I now call Satan’s heart? I wanted to learn guitar, because I’m going
to be honest; you see adults playing guitar later in life. Still playing, right? You rarely see—. Anybody been out camping, sitting around a
campfire, and just ah, so peaceful. Hey Ricky, did you bring your trombone? (Trombone sounds) I mean you see people play the guitar. I stayed at Tim Hawkins’s house one time. He played his guitar until his kids fell asleep. I was like, that’s so beautiful. How messed up is my grandson going to be though,
if my son’s standing over the crib going, hey! (Trombone sounds) But he wanted a Trombone,
so I bought him one- which, by the way is $1,200. Did not know that—12 hundred. That’s why people cuss. So I bought him this Trombone, and he went
to school, and he learned a—let’s call it a song. No, you don’t understand. If that was a song that song should’ve been
called, like, I don’t know, like “Who punched the moose in the bladder?” Even our dog was like, “Dude! You put me outside when I make noise like
that!” So he was sitting there, and he was playing
this song, and I’m not going to lie to you; it was not good. It was not good. I didn’t even recognize it. I mean, later he told me it was the theme
music to Jaws, and I was like, well that was scarier than the movie. But I didn’t say that, because here’s where
I got a glimpse of how God must look at us every single day. My son was sitting there playing this song,
and it was not good. And I have never loved a song more, because
my son was sitting there playing a song for me. And that’s where I got a glimpse of how God
must look at us, you know. Obviously I don’t know you guys. I would love to get to know you. I don’t know if everybody has to leave afterwards. I’m on social media. Also, that’s kind of a shameless plug. When we were backstage I got an email from
one of my family members going, “Ha ha. You’re supposed to be famous, and I got more
followers than you.” And I was like, “Big deal, Grandma.” But I don’t know you guys, but here’s the
deal. Maybe you came in today, maybe you came in
this morning, and you haven’t been playing the song the way God created you to play it. Maybe you’ve been making some mistakes in
your life, or maybe people have made mistakes around you that have drastically effected
your life. Here’s the best news that I can give you this
morning. It doesn’t matter, because your perfect Father
who created you and has a path and a plan for you is never going to turn his back to
you. He’s never going to stop loving you. It’s true unconditional love, and that’s where
our joy comes from. That’s where you’re going to see it tonight
on the stage. And, you know, it was a great moment, because
my son was playing this song, and I stopped. And I know you don’t know me, but here’s the
deal. I don’t cry, and it’s not a macho thing. I don’t know why I don’t cry. I just—I cried once as an adult, and it
was over the dumbest reason. It was over a movie: Toy Story 3. Did you cry at that? Okay, I don’t know if you can meet me after. I would love to know every part that everybody
cried at, because everybody cries at so many different parts of the movie. And, you know, I don’t cry, so it just hit
me. The part-the part that made me cry—sorry. I’m thinking of it again, so dumb. The part that made me cry—it was when the
lady said, “Sir, that’ll be $72 for five tickets to go in and see the movie.” Why is it so expensive, huh? Anybody else make popcorn at home, and then
sneak it in? Yes, yes, and then sell it to other people? But there was that great moment where my son
just stopped for a second, and he looked at me. And he goes, “What’s up?” Because he could tell something was going
on. And I was like, man, “Do you realize how much
God loves us?” And he does. He’s a good kid; he gets it. He goes, “Yeah, you know what, God’s amazing,
but you’re an awesome dad.” And my heart just melted, and then he looked
at me and he goes, “In fact, guess what?” And I was like, “What?” And he goes, “We learned two songs! You want me to play the other one?” And I was like, “Do I want you to play it? No, I mean I do, but it is late. It is time for you to take your communion.” So really I came here this morning just to
kind of warm you guys up and get you ready for, I think, one of the greatest comics in
the world. But more importantly, I wanted to come here
and just remind you guys that God has given you a path. He has given you a ministry, and you’ve got
to start looking for those opportunities that he’s going to open up. It can start with the blood drive. It can start with anything – just by praying
for somebody. But God has a purpose and a plan for you,
and I want you guys just to be looking for that, because when He shows up He does great
things. And thinking of great things, He invented
this next guy who I think is just phenomenal. He’s one of my best friends. You guys give it up for the legendary Tim
Hawkins!>>TIM HAWKINS: I said it’s been a while since
I’ve seen you, friend. So we got together like old times, but it
didn’t take long to see something was wrong. Brother have you lost your mind? Well we used to be friends. Now that’s got to end. It’s nothing that you did or said. You’ve got something scary-a little round
hairy doorknob on the back of your head. You’ve got a man bun. Drop the knot, son; it don’t look right on
a man. You got a man bun like a pin cushion, held
together with a rubber band. You ain’t a ballerina. You ain’t a samurai. And you don’t work at the library. Nip it in the bud, stud, or you ain’t hanging
out with me. Ah, Liberty University! I got an open mind, but now you crossed a
line, brother. A pony tail is fine, but not a furry ball
of twine. You got a man bun. Drop the knot, son; it don’t look right on
a man. You got a man bun like a pin cushion, held
together with a rubber band. You ain’t a ballerina. You ain’t a samurai. And you don’t work at the library. Nip it in the bud, stud, or you ain’t hanging
out with me. Nip it in the bud, bud, or you ain’t hanging
out with me. Well my old John Deere finally broke down. I used it every day and drove it in the ground. So I went to get a new one way up town. Guess I was out of luck, ’cause they were
all out. So I found a used tractor on Craigslist. There was no picture, but I couldn’t resist. It seemed like a good deal. Now I regret it. If you want to know why, go take a look at
it. I got stuck with a pretty pink tractor. Go take a pic; it’s out in the pasture. People make fun, but it don’t matter. Drives real loud so you can’t hear the laughter. Plays a sweet song, turnin’ a corner. Flowery canopy when it gets warmer. When I think about, just get madder. I got stuck with a pretty pink tractor. Just when I thought it couldn’t get no worse,
my daddy came by Sunday after church. He said, “Son don’t you listen to them big-mouth
jerks. And if people make fun, hit ’em with your
purse. And Take ’em for a ride on your pretty pink
tractor. Gonna take a picture, wanna show my pastor
Sure all the family will want to take a gander. Go show ’em your pretty pink tractor. Telly Tubby cover on the seat. It’s like a redneck Sesame Street. Gotta watch out when you guy online. Don’t turn out good all the time. Why y’all gotta make fun that way? It plows up; it bales the hay. Give me a minute while I put this dip in. Hit with a purse dad you’d be trippin’. Snapshot, cheap shot, take a look. Post it all up on ya Facebook. Everybody hatin’ on my new rig- Cows and chickens,
dog and pig. Jump on my tractor, let it flow. Got ya trippin’ on a double rainbow. Fire it up yo, hear y’all laughin’. Makin’ it rain; I’m a redneck rappin’. Pepto Bismol, flashy pink. I know y’all really wanna be me. I did it! Yay! Barbie would drive it if she was a farmer. When I think about it, just get madder. I got stuck with a pretty pink tractor. Need to go to town, trade it in for a green
‘n brown. Who wants my pretty pink tractor? Thanks convo! We didn’t come to mess around tonight you
all. We came to rock the flock. That’s what we came to do. We came to jam for the lamb. That’s what we came to do. We came to give y’all the flavor of the Savior. That’s what I do. That was a Christian twerk right there—little
Christian twerk. That’s not a sin. That’s not a sin. You go out farther than that—that’s a sin
right there in the pocket. That’s a Christian sanctioned twerk right
there. David Nasser cannot do that right there, because
he has no butt. You ever notice that? Hey everybody—fantastic convo! Hey! I just kind of—. Oh you sweet little fake Iranian man. That is awesome. You sweet little-. Tropical Smoothie, right over there. That’s hilarious-tropical smoothie. First off, I do want to recognize we do have-this
is simulcast right now. There are just thousands of people watching
this on the internet right now. Just want to say high to you guys. And- (mutterings). And that’s how I found Jesus. I just wanted to share that. I knew it was a powerful testimony to everyone
here. It’s good to be here. What is this place? Looks like Joel Osteen’s bathroom for crying
out loud. This is nice. This nice. It’s kind of creepy, but it’s really nice. I don’t know, man. We’re all losing our minds. That’s what comedy is, folks. You just live your life, take notes, and tell
strangers. That’s all you do. There’s nothing special about it. I’m serious; you could totally do what I do. The only difference between me and you is
I’ve got a microphone-and talent. That’s the only two things, the only two things
that separate me and your riffraff. That’s it, so dream big, okay? I don’t know. Same things make us crazy. Bumper sticker people driving around Lynchburg,
a lot of bumper sticker people. We just don’t care. Take them off your car. Just take—we don’t need to be reading going
75 miles per hour. We’re already texting, eating cereal. We can’t be doing three things at the same
time. I just don’t care. I don’t care that you’re a tolerant, gun control,
Wiccan princess who loves her poodle, and won’t be here when the rapture happens. Take the bumper stickers off the car, unless
of course it’s a Bernie Sanders sticker. Leave that on, because you get the feeling
that it’s holding the car together. Bernie people ain’t driving the nice cars. That’s all I’m saying. A lot of Christians have the Jesus fish on
the back of the car. Jesus fish—. I saw a car the other day with a Darwin fish
on the back. I was like, uh oh. Let’s get ready to rumble. I saw this on a car one time. It was a Jesus fish devouring a Darwin fish. Yeah, there’s some good, solid biblical teaching
for you. If somebody disagrees with you eat them! Yeah, what would Jesus do? Some of you all are taking this way too seriously
right now. That’s amazing, man. It’s good to be here. Good to be—. I think comedy is everywhere. One of the first jokes I ever wrote, I was
driving through Oklahoma. Okay, shut up. I mean that in a Christian way. Shut your pie hole. Close it up. No, I was riding through Durant, Oklahoma—Durant,
Oklahoma. I saw this sign. It was a billboard that said Oklahoma Shakespeare
Festival. You freaks need a punchline for that one? Oklahoma Shakespeare Festival—that’s right,
because I know when I want to see some good Shakespeare I look further than Durant, Oklahoma. Wouldn’t you love to see some Shakespeare
done in Oklahoma? Like, “Romeo, Romeo, where y’all at?” Live your life and make notes. Things—stupid things that people say—that
cracks me up. You ever been with a tall friend, and somebody
walks by and asks your tall friend, “Do you play basketball? You must play basketball! Yeah, you’ve probably played basketball.” We don’t do that with little people. Like, “Oh, he must work for Willie Wonka.” Small people hate this. I get a lot of questions. People ask about my kids. “Tim, do your kids think you’re funny? Do your kids, do they think you’re funny?” I don’t care. I’m not here to be cool for my kids. If you’re, you know—. When you ever become a parent, don’t try to
be cool for your kids. They’ll never think you’re cool; it’s never
going to happen. My kids don’t think I’m cool at all. I’m totally good with that, you know? They just rub it in. Like, my son’s 16 now. He’s lifting weights. He’s ripped; he’s shredded muscles. He’ll walk in the kitchen without a shirt
on. That the sound it makes when he rakes his
hand. He takes a whole gallon of milk. He goes, “Hey Dad, I got 8% body fat. What do you got?” “Money! I don’t know! Oh, there’s some right there. Where’d that come from? Oh, you’ve got no gas in the car? Why don’t you run to the gym? Maybe you’d drop down to 7%. We’ll see what happens. I’m going to drive up to the store, get some
Krispy Kreme, boy! I’m gonna get a dozen Krispy Kreme! You got a six pack; I’ve got a 12 pack!” I’m not here to be cool for my kids. You know how cool my kids think I am? You know what they call me at home-my nickname? Dr. No. Dr. No. You know why? Because I give them a lot of no, a lot of
no. A lot of kids get too much yes. I give them no. I call it the gift of no. More parents should do that. “Daddy can I have that?” No. “Can I have the keys to the car?” Let’s see here, no. “Can I go over there?” Nope. “Can I spend the night over there?” This old man, he said no! Creative! Eennie, meenie, miney, no! Now you’re just somebody that I used to no! There are so many ways to say no! (singing)
No! People ask me if I was the class clown in
school. I was not the class clown; I was the class
comedian. There is a difference. Class clown is the guy who runs naked across
the football field at halftime. I was the class comedian. I convinced him it would be a good idea. The class clown they’re walking off in handcuffs. “You said it would be funny!” It was! “You better turn yourself in!” No! No. Hear a lot of dumb things that people say. We overuse words in this country, don’t we? Superlative words we’ve got to stop using
so much. Like ‘that’s the best.’ That’s the best. No it’s not. “That’s amazing.” Mm. “That’s unbelievable.” We overuse that word “unbelievable,” don’t
we? I was eating some deer sausage with my buddy. He was like, “Man, this deer sausage is unbelievable.” No it’s not. Just say it’s just a good piece of deer sausage,
man. It’s not unbelievable. Now if a bald eagle wearing a tuxedo flew
down and dropped some deer sausage in your mouth, yeah. That’s unbelievable right there. I’ll give you that. That is unbelievable, because that’s a bald
eagle, wearing a tux, dropping sausage in your mouth. You don’t see something like that every day. Unless you’re a Catholic; they see stuff like
that all the time, but not a normal person. They were like—. That’s awesome, man. That’s unbelievable right there. We overuse this phrase the most: “that’s
the worst.” You ever heard heard people say that? “That’s the worse.” That’s the worst. Really, that’s the worst? That is the worst? My wife and I dropped our daughter off at
the mall not too long ago. And she was there to meet her friends, and
her friends weren’t there yet. My daughter was distraught. She’d go, “Oh, my friends-. My friends-.” That’s not how she talks, but it’s really
funny. “My friends, my friends—. My friends aren’t here. My friends aren’t here yet. Now I can’t go shopping. I have to wait for them until they get here
until I can go shopping.” And my wife is like, “I know, honey. That’s the worst.” Really? That’s the worst? Being stuck in the mountains, or being lost,
you know, out at sea with sharks circling around you, you’re not in more of a pickle
there? “That’s the worst.” Can you imagine like those Chilean miners? Remember those Chilean miners a few years
ago got stuck in that mine for like 30 days? You think they’re down in that mine going,
“Oh no. This is no good right here, man. We’ve been down in this mine for a long time,
you know? We got no food to eat. We got no water to drink. There’s not a lot of air left to breathe. We may not live to see another day, my friend. This—this is the worse. They only thing that I can think of right
now—. The only—.” Let me finish please. “The only thing-this is bad right now. The only thing that I can think of right now
that could possibly be worse than this is- you know sometime when you’re at the mall,
and your friends aren’t there to meet you yet. And you want to go shopping, but you can’t,
so you got to wait around on the curb for like 10 minutes or something? I tell you what, this is bad my friend, but
that-. That is the worst right there. That is the worst.” Thank you. Well, another hand for Bob Smiley. Awesome, one of my best friends in the world. David Nasser, thanks Liberty University for
letting us come here. I just want to finish with a song. We lost someone in the pop world recently. Prince passed away. Okay, I’m feeling some judgement right now. I listened to Prince in the 80s and 90s. Maybe I shouldn’t have. I don’t think that really matters. You guys are judging me right now. But say what you want about Prince; he was
an amazing, amazing musician, amazing talent. And did you guys know that Prince started
writing songs at a very early age? Did you know that? So right now, before I go, I want to play
you this song, okay. We have sign language people. That’s awesome. This guy’s amazing. No, this is me talking right now. This guy is amazing. He is hot. I mean I thought David had a nice butt. This guy is rocking it. He’s rocking and rolling it at the LU. I just farted. What’s the sign for that? No, I’m asking you! Sign guy, look at me! Please! What’s the sign for fart? What is it? This? That’s the same sign for trombone! But folks, Prince is a very talented guy,
and I’m right now going to perform for you-that’s right. I’m going to perform for you the very first
song that little Prince ever wrote. I never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain. But I’m only two years old, and I’m not ready. I’m only two years old, and I’m not ready
to be potty trained, potty trained, potty trained. Potty trained, potty trained. Potty trained, potty trained. (Baby sounds) Mommy I know, I know, I know
you’re tired of changing me. Poo, poo. Hope this don’t mean we can’t be friends,
yeah. I see a toilet over there momma, but I can’t
seem to make up my mind. I think you better close it. Such a shame you have to clean my rear end. Potty trained! Potty trained, potty trained. Get those hands up people. Come on; let me see your hands in the air,
babies! Even if you’re a Baptist, get them in the
air people. Thanks! Have a great day! Thanks for having us! See you, convocation. Thank you!

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