‘Too Much Exposition Theatre’ With Alec Baldwin


( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! CHEERS, CHEERS. HERE’S TO YOU. ALEC, OBVIOUSLY, IT’S BEEN GREAT
HAVING YOU HERE. I’M LOVING THE BOOK, WHICH I’M
GOING TO READ AGAIN. ( LAUGHTER )
“NEVERTHELESS,” TRULY A FANTASTIC BOOK. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, YOU’RE
JUST ONE OF MY FAVORITE ACTORS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>I FEEL– YOU KNOW WHAT’S FUNNY. I FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU,
STEPHEN?>>Stephen: REALLY, YOU REALLY
FEEL THAT WAY?>>EVEN IF I DIDN’T, YOU’D NEVER
BE ABLE TO TELL. THAT’S HOW GREAT AN ACTOR I AM.>>Stephen: BRAVO, BRAVO. WE DO HAVE TO GO. IT’S TOO BAD WE ONLY HAD TIME
FOR AN INTERVIEW. I’D LOVE TO ACT AT YOU
SOMETIMES.>>ACT AT ME.>>Stephen: YEAH, THAT’S HOW
HARD I ACT. YEAH, YEAH.>>WHY NOT RIGHT NOW? Q. NOW?>>THIS IS A BROADWAY STA
>>Stephen: IT IS A BROADWAY STAGE. THANK YOU FOR INSISTING BUT I
DON’T THINK WE HAVE TIME TO PUT ON A WHOLE PLAY.>>BUT WE COULD DO THE FINAL
CLIMACTIC SCENE FROM A NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN STAGE DRAMA.>>Stephen: AND TO MAKE SURE
THAT IT MAKES SENSE TO THE AUDIENCE, WE CAN CRAM ALL THE
CHARACTERS’ BACKSTORY INTO THE DIALOGUE.>>LET’S DO IT!>>Stephen: OKAY! IT’S TIME FOR THE LATE SHOW’S
“TOO MUCH EXPOSITION THEATRE.” ♪ ♪ ♪
>>THE LATE SHOW PRESENTS, TOO MUCH EXPOSITION THEATRE.>>Stephen: HOW ENCHANTING IT IS
TO BE HERE ALONE IN MY SOLITUDE IN THE FIEFDOM OF MY
MAD UNCLE WHO DIED SUDDENLY OF THE PLAGUE WHEN I PUSHED HIM
FROM A WINDOW. AND NOW I, BALTHASAR, HIS ONLY
LIVING HEIR, STAND UNOPPOSED TO INHERIT CASTLE LANCASTWINSHIRE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>GOOD AFTERNOON, MY LORD! AND SINCE I AM TARDY– GOOD
MORNING.>>Stephen: CAN IT REALLY BE
YOU?>>YES, IT IS I, YOUR COUSIN,
MANVOLIO, SON OF YOUR MAD UNCLE, THE DUKE OF LANCASTWINSHIRE, AND
HIS RIGHTFUL HEIR. I SEE YOU’RE FILLED WITH
DISBELIEF, FOR YOU HAVE NOT LAID EYES UPON ME SINCE WE WERE
MERE BEARDLESS YOUTHS COMPETING FOR THE AFFECTIONS OF THE FAIR
LADY ELEANOR.>>AH, FAIR ELEANOR.>>Stephen: BUT, COUS, ME
THOUGHT YOU DROWNED WHILST LAWFULLY APPREHENDED TO A
ONE-EYED SILVERSMITH WHO LOST THE CROWN JEWELS OF THE EMPIRE
IN A GAME OF “CHANCE” ON BOARD A GALLEY OFF THE COAST OF
SARDINIA!>>NAY, COUS, FOR AT THE TIME I
WENT OVERBOARD, THE VESSEL WAS PASSING THE PORT TOWN OF
CATANIA.>>Stephen: CATANIA? BETWEEN CALABRO AND POLICORO?>>NO, NO. LOOK AT THIS MAP. YOU SEE, WE PASSED NORTH-
NORTHEASTERLY PAST PALERMO.>>Stephen: AH, YES, NEAR
REGGIO, HOME OF COUSIN GIOVANNI.>>NO, HERE. LOOK AT THE FAMILY TREE. YOU’RE THINKING OF RUGGIERIO,
SON OF DRUNK UNCLE NENCIO.>>Stephen: Uh…>>LOCKED IN AN IRON MASK IN THE
DEEPEST DUNGEON OF THE HIGHEST TOWER OF THE FARTHEST KINGDOM?>>Stephen: RIGHT, THE MASK GUY. YEAH, YEAH.>>EXACTLY. AND NOW HERE I STAND, HAVING
WASHED ASHORE ON AN ISLAND WHERE MONKEYS ROAMED LIKE SHEEP AND
RULED LIKE GODS. AND ONLY BY DIGUISING MYSELF AS
MY OWN SISTER WAS I ABLE TO SEDUCE THE CAPTAIN OF A PASSING
NAVAL FRIGATE TO SURPRISE YOU HERE!>>Stephen: OH, COUSIN, TIS NO
SURPRISE, FOR, YOU SEE, SHORTLY AFTER YOUR DISAPPEARANCE, I WAS
TRAIPSING IN THE WOODS– ( LAUGHTER )
LOOKING FOR SWEET CRABAPPLE WHEN I WAS SURROUNDED BY THREE
WITCHES.>>THE SEXY KIND?>>Stephen: IS THERE ANY OTHER
( LAUGHTER ) AND THESE WISHES THREE THEY
WARNED ME THAT ONE DAY YOU’D RETURN TO CLAIM WHAT IS
RIGHTFULLY YOURS. BUT ALL YOU WILL CLAIM IS THIS
DAGGER!>>WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! DAGGER? DEAR COUSIN, YOU MISTAKE ME. I HAVE NO INTEREST IN THE
CASTLE. I WAS JUST STOPPING BY TO PICK
UP MY, AH, MY, AH, BASKETBALL PUMP. I LEFT IT HERE BEFORE THE WHOLE
MONKEY ISLAND THING.>>>>Stephen: BASKETBALL PUMP
THAT’S WORRIES? I WAS WONDERING WHO THIS
BELONGED TO!>>THANK YOU. NOW BASKETBALL PUMP, DO YOUR
ILL DEED!>>Stephen: NO! NO! DON’T PUMP IT! NO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NO! NO! ALEC BALDWIN, EVERYBODY! HIS BOOK “NEVERTHELESS” IS
AVAILABLE NOW. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YES!

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