Victorian Cut-out Theatre – Grand Designs


(lively marching music) (flute music) – Number 42, you’re up. Welcome to the Ministry of Designs. May we help you register your machine, device, gadget, apparatus, mechanism, invention or contraption today? – You certainly may. – If you just give me a brief description of what it is your device accomplishes, we can get started. – My good man, every day,
fine upstanding women of good stock fall victim to
an easily preventable disease. The build up of semenoids
in the woman’s system can infect her bloodstream,
giving her… hysteria. – Dear Lord! – Yes, you’re right to be frightened. This malady could be infecting one or all of your female loved ones right now. Semenoids creeping into
your wife’s bloodstream like some thief in the night. Stirring up her brain, turning
her into a crazed maniac. – How, how do we stop it? – Well for years, curing
female hysteria was left to brave young men in lab coats. Some of them doctors. These medical heroes weren’t
afraid to roll up their sleeves and really get their hands dirty. But let’s face it, these hands, these altruistic, all too
human hands got tired. That’s where I’ve come to help. – So there is a cure? – You bet your sweet bippy there is. – Well, what is it? – The coal powered Gyro-Thruster. Ta-da! Eh? – Wow. That’s um, uh…
how does it work? – It’s an elegant machine really. After the coal is fed into the hopper and they gyno wand is properly greased, you simply have to set the switch to choke and pull this ripcord here
and it springs to life, willing to help even the
most hysterical woman. With no need of lunch breaks
nor fear of hand cramps. And I’m proud to say that this machine has only killed three human beings during the course of human trials. – Only three? – And 50 chimpanzees, but
they’re hardly mentionable, don’t you think? – My God Sir, you…
are a national hero. – I’m no hero Sir. I simply did what anyone would do. I saw a need and I filled it. – There’s just one little thing. The “Gyro-Thruster” is a bit of a mouthful. – Yes I suppose it is. What do you recommend? – Well I’ll need your information
to begin the paperwork, perhaps we could name it after you? What is your name Sir? – Well my name is… (symphonic music) (thunder, growling noises)

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